Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Fri Oct 24, 2025
Yes, meaty hit and run headlines.
Not a meaty urologist, but meaty hit and run headlines sponsored by Buildings on the Boulevard in Fairfax.
Your vision built for you Boulevard style.
Just go to BuildingsontheBoulevard.com.
Let's start off with priceless jewels.
They were stolen from the Louvre during the day.
And you wonder why CVS puts everything in a cage.
Well, now you know.
A McDonald's worker in, guess where, Florida.
Shot a customer while arguing over an order.
He's been charged with one count of attempted McMurder.
Hey, here's another Florida story.
I wonder if this'll be dumb.
Florida wildlife officials have confirmed a second case of something called zombie deer disease.
Luckily for Florida residents, most of the zombie deer end up getting taken down by meth gators.
Charmin is selling a huge forever roll of toilet paper that'll last you a month or 24 hours if you start at the day before Thanksgiving.
Rosie O'Donnell says her worst talk show guest ever was Keanu Reeves.
But some of that bad blood is because he stole her haircut.
Dogg turns 54 today.
He's really tough to buy for.
I mean, what do you get for the guy who smokes everything?
Jim Carrey may star in a live-action adaptation of The Jetsons, and the script hasn't even been written yet, and it already
An Amazon outage took down most of the internet.
For most of us, it led to a brief but terrifying encounter with this thing called productivity.
Thieves snatched nine precious artifacts from the Louvre in Paris during a heist that only lasted seven minutes.
That's less time than it takes for the average American to figure out how you're supposed to pronounce the word Louvre.
I have no idea, as you can tell.
A company mistakenly minted $300 trillion in crypto.
For more details, ask your nearest guy with a popped collar who drives a purple Maserati.
He'll tell you.
He knows.
A man in India claims his wife turns into a terrifying beast at night.
Responded every married man only at night?
You sure?
Kim Kardashian turns 45 today, and her birthday party will be shot from 45 different angles.
Can't wait.
Jennifer Lopez says she's never truly been loved.
I would say she's acting dramatic, but as we all know, Jennifer Lopez cannot act.
Save her life.
You know Cindy Loppers says songs come to her while she's cleaning and her new song by the way is girls just want to have formula 409 Taylor Swift avoided cameras while attending the chief's Raiders game too bad the Raiders couldn't have done the same thing.
Oh well Halloween is the loneliest day of the year to be single
which is also why Halloween is the most popular day of the year to adopt a cat.
And thank goodness I already have Jimmy the Mittman Mittens, so I don't have to be lonely.
George Santos returned to cameo less than a day after his lawyer begged the media to respect his privacy.
Now, apparently, Santos' definition of privacy is the same one the Kardashians have.
Colorado has the lowest obesity rate in the U.S.
So now, hold on a second.
Weed doesn't cause munchies?
What is that?
They were the first to legalize weed, so they're smoking all that stuff.
Don't they eat tons of rotten junk food?
I don't know, I'll have to unpack that later.
The Supreme Court will rule on whether pot smokers are allowed to own guns.
In case you were wondering why Snoop Dogg has suddenly started paying attention to the Supreme Court, that's probably why.
Tom Holland has been taken out of the running to be the next James Bond.
Producers ultimately decided that nobody wants a James Bond who looks like he doesn't even know how to do sex.
The Toronto Blue Jays will play the LA Dodgers in the World Series.
Don't worry, if Toronto wins, once Canada is our 51st state, it counts as a title for America.
And it's going to be fun watching Canadians score with something other than Katy Perry.
According to a new Tinder survey, the most popular drink on a first date is a Margarita.
But, and I'm sorry Jimmy Buffett, but you'll need something much stronger on that first date if she goes by her gaming handle, Herpes Vixen 69.
Or
need something much stronger if your date arrives on a skateboard.
Or she crawls under the table and whispers, it's my husband.
U.S.
circumcision rates, that's right, I said circumcision rates, continue to drop.
It's more proof that Americans hate tipping.
Today is slap your coworker day.
Thank God I work in this room all by myself.
I'm very thankful.
But it's a good day to call in sick, especially if you work with Will Smith.
There's a woman, a woman with Parkinson's disease, played her clarinet during brain surgery.
Wow.
Meanwhile, I was late for work because my car key got stuck in one of the rings of my key chain while it was in my pocket.
You ever had that?
That's annoying.
A company invented a robot maid.
It's so lifelike that it can cook, clean, and give birth to Arnold Schwarzenegger's baby.
There may be a senior citizen season of Survivor, but if seniors play Survivor, who will be left to watch?
Survivor!
a five-part Martin Scorsese documentary on Apple TV.
Part one...
covers his life, part two, his films, and part three through five, his eyebrows.
Plastic surgeons say more people are removing their breast implants.
And I apologize to my aunt on Facebook.
The world really is flat.
You know, today is National Food Day.
It would be International Food Day, but you know, North Korea.
Target is cutting 1,800 corporate jobs in its first major layoffs in a decade.
Now those executives will be so broke, they'll be forced to shop at Target.
Meta Meta Meta is cutting 600 jobs in its AI unit because ironically they did such a great job developing AI that now they can be replaced by, that's right, AI.
9% of Americans regret getting a tattoo, especially when they run for Senate.
There's a man in Thailand.
He was busted giving weenie enlargements from a 1990s Toyota Corolla.
The crime was driving a 90s Toyota Corolla, by the way.
That's what he got arrested for.
There's a black market for sperm where men are donating via natural insemination.
It's called,
My ex-wife, by the way, was going there every day until they caught her using birth control.
They were confused by that.
The two hour Stranger Things finale will screen in movie theaters.
It will play under its original title, The Goonies.
Once again, the Halloween's least favorite candy, Candy Corn.
But that won't keep your evil neighbors from giving it out.
But instead of throwing it away, here's what you should do.
You should put them over your teeth and pretend you're from England.
Or use them as a monopoly piece.
Or you could use your candy corn not to eat, but to toss them at a bride and groom as they leave the chapel.
Or drop them
in the Salvation Army Kettle so it sounds like you're donating something.
Or, uh, finally, here's something you can do with Candy Corn.
You can string them together to make a friendship bracelet for someone you don't like.
Yeah, there you go.
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