Hit and Run Headlines 3-27-2025

A new study claims there are billions more people on earth than previously thought.

Now will you please wear a condom Elon?

The small business administration plans to cut 43% of its staff.

Then it's going to change its name to the smaller business administration.

The White House is seeking corporate sponsors for this year's Easter Egg Roll.

If they just lower egg prices like they promised, this wouldn't even be a necessity.

Candy sales hit a record $54 billion last year.

Now you know why your dentist wears a Rolex.

That's why.

According to new research, the best marker of physical aging is how long you can stand on one leg.

which means Johnny Depp is about 500 years

old.

Let's see here.

Bill Gates says, within 10 years, humans will not be needed for most things.

Check that, married guys, you're way ahead of the curve.

Our wives are already there, by the way.

Jeff Bezosalbub.

sent out his wedding invitations.

It's expected, and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be like one of those comic book movies where all the villains team up.

I think it's gonna be just like that.

Activists continue to vandalize Teslas at dealerships.

Now CVS was like, have you considered putting the cars in cages?

It works for mouthwash.

A perfectly round egg sold for $500.

So I'm confused.

Why do the round ones cost less?

Well, then the eggshell one.

Today is International Whiskey Day and National Viagra Day, and there's no way in hell that that is a coincidence.

No way.

Hey, my fellow birthday boy Quinn Tarantino, 62 today, and if you want to get him a gift, do not bother with a freakishly large forehead because he's already all set in that department.

And finally, Martin Short and Meryl Streep are dating.

She likes how he makes her laugh and he likes how she can reach stuff on the top shelf.

Uh, romance.

That's

all I got.