Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Fri Mar 14, 2025
We lost an hour over the weekend.
Yeah, I know you remember that's right and and Adrian you know what Adrian Brody did he gave us another speech 500 eggs were stolen from a Washington cafe when they catch the culprit I hope he fries those eggs with pepper all that sounds delicious You know the the IRS is preparing to eliminate half of its staff
Most employees are okay with it.
The job can be taxing.
I thought it was hilarious.
Elon Musk and Marco Rubio reportedly got into a heated argument during a cabinet meeting.
Luckily, they calmed down before Linda McMahon was able to hand them folding chairs and they were able to settle him without masculine.
So good for them, I say.
Good for them.
A cheeto.
Shaped like a Pokemon, auctioned for $90,000.
You know, if I had $90,000 to spend on food, I personally would buy an egg.
That's what I would do.
You know, today is National Pack Your Lunch Day, and if you're a federal employee, it might also be Pack Your Desk Day, so just be alert.
Today is National Napping Day, and I'm going to observe it by watching a pre-season baseball game.
Pierce Brosnan says he would love to return as 007.
One sign you're too old for the role, you introduce yourself as Bond.
Gold Bond.
Some people want 71-year-old Pierce Brosnan to return as the new James Bond, and potential titles for the next film would include Werther's Are Forever, Quantum of Matlock, and From Russia with Hemorrhoids.
Netflix plans to spend over 18 billion, billion, I say, billion dollars on content this year.
You know, to put that number in perspective, that's one billion for every person who is sharing your Netflix password.
Hasbro is developing a reality competition series based on Monopoly.
It's going to be 52 episodes long, and it will end when the contestants get bored and decide to play Twister instead.
claim they never got COVID.
You know, you're missing out on some mighty tasty
mwah, wonderful.
Tesla stock has been plummeting, which is weird because usually Teslas are more like exploding than plummeting.
Krispy Kreme's stock hit record lows.
The drop in corporate earnings made investors' eyes glaze over.
Get it?
Glaze, done.
Okay, we'll just pass that one by.
Twitter, or as it's now known, X, had outages yesterday.
Damn that, Elon Musk and his DEI tech hires.
I'm telling you, I'm telling you.
China says it's ready for any kind of war with the US.
I say, bring it on, China.
Unless it's ping pong, then we'll just go ahead and take the loss,
much.
In a survey, 57% of Americans admit that they've lied to their dentist about their flossing and brushing habits, and even though most of us know that our dentist can see right through their lies.
Oh yeah, how about their lies to us?
Like, the magazines in the waiting room are new.
Yeah.
If five years ago was new, then okay.
I'm not judging your cavities.
Or how about I'm taking x-rays because you need them, not to jack you for money.
That's right, they're lying to you if they say that.
Another lie dentists will tell us.
I never huff nitrous oxide when I'm alone.
Never, never, never.
The relationship between me and the hygienist, strictly professional.
That's a lie.
And the biggest lie the dentist tells us, this won't hurt a bit.
Yeah, bull-oni, dentist, bull-oni.
Wall Street had yet another bad day.
I just know it.
I know I'm gonna lose my millions.
I don't know what I'll do if I lose my millions.
Uh, fake studio audience?
was a joke because of course I don't have millions.
I know it's a surprise.
All you saw from the CNBC broadcast from the floor of the stock exchange was dangling feet.
Two in five Americans say they no longer like living in the U.S.
There's even a name for them.
Tesla stockholders.
Southwest is stopping free checked bags for most travelers.
Southwest passengers haven't been shocked like this since an on time arrival.
But don't worry, you still get the same terrible service, annoying seat mates and rickety planes that feel like they're going to disintegrate on takeoff.
So don't worry about it, it's still there.
Delta Airlines stock is dropping big time as well, although describing the stock as crashing and burning would probably be more on brand.
According to a whistleblower, Meta offered data access to China in an effort to enter its market.
China said, no thanks, because they already get all the American data they need from the TikTok.
NASA is eliminating several departments.
Ironically, they're doing it to create more space.
Police across the U.S.
are investigating a series of attacks on Tesla showrooms.
At first, they thought attackers had vandalized cyber trucks, but then they realized they're supposed to look like that.
It's counter-intuitive, but they are supposed to look like that.
James Cameron says his newest avatar film made his wife cry.
From laughter, when he asked if she thought it would win an Oscar.
Doubt it a Cheech and Chong documentary hits theaters in April better better be April 20th for 20 But expect the viewership to be very very high and also a lot of people to watch
Lot of high people watching the Cheech and Chong You know
James Taylor turns 77 today.
Happy birthday, JT.
You know, these days when James says how sweet it is, he's talking about his daily serving of tapioca pudding.
Aren't you, James?
Officials say humans can spread bird flu to cats.
To get the message to cat owners, they're launching this PSA starring Taylor Swift.
I think that's the perfect person to get involved.
Non-stop flights between Russia and the U.S.
may resume.
Stephen Segal has already booked a one-way ticket to McDonald's, so he's
A national storage company ranked Buffalo as the second most affordable U.S.
city.
Buffalo residents have extra cash in their pockets because they never have to spend money on Super Bowl tickets.
How ironic that that line is delivered by a Vikings fan.
Taco Bell wants to go cashless.
Well, if they ever want to go pantsless, I hope they call me.
Call
Bell.
Anyway, they want to go cashless.
It's Taco Bell's biggest change since going tasteless roughly a decade ago.
More employees were laid off at the National Weather Service.
Of course, if they're any good at their job, they would have totally forecasted that, but that's another story.
With that, I really hope they have some money put away for a rainy day.
It's been two years since the Bud Light backlash.
Kid Rock celebrated by shooting a bottle of champagne.
People in the back love that.
Let's see here.
The Department of Education is laying off about 50% of its workforce.
Or as the average American student the department oversees calls it,
almost two-thirds.
And also, they're saying five out of four high school math students are strongly against this.
That was another one for the people in the back.
According to a new poll, 53% of Americans have a negative view of Elon Musk, and that's just his baby mamas.
All right.
Today is Good Samaritan Day.
I'm covered this year.
On the way into work, I held the door for a woman I wasn't even moderately attracted to.
Jeff Bezos, you know, Jeff Bezosalbub.
He announced changes to the Washington Post that align with his interests.
For example, it will no longer run ads for shampoo.
Scientists say extreme heat accelerates aging.
And now we know the real reason everyone in Florida looks so
Today is Einstein's birthday.
Unfortunately, many Americans think his famous equation is E equals MC Hammer, and that's just sad.
And did you know he was a chubby kid?
Bullies at school would call him Fat
and call Albert Einstein fat and that was before the cartoon and so I I think built on should have been sued sorry I have to shift myself in my chair a little bit I sat in a t-rex themed restaurant way too long yesterday and now I have a diner sore oh no matter how long I live I'll never get sick of me Netflix is remaking Kujo
Stephen King released the original book in 1981, or, as that's also known, 8,450 Stephen King books ago.
Carrie Croxson, Kelly Clarkson, remains missing from her daytime talk show.
Your aunt hasn't been this worried about something since her cat started throwing
Crystal turns 77 today, and you can tell he's getting older.
His next movie will be when Harry met Sally's grandkids.
The American Gaming Association estimates that the average March Madness Bracket fee is $29, so you can either enter a bracket or you can buy a single
And with Easter coming up, I don't know, it might be a tough decision.
And you know, I'm not really into March Madness.
I'm more of a November neurosis kind of a guy.
And I'm not sure what's so compelling about dribbling college students.
I don't know.
Anywho, an auction of O.J.
Simpson's personal items is expected to bring in millions.
And even after he's dead,
O.J.
continues to make a killing.
And finally, a driverless race car hit a record 177 miles per hour.
Driverless race cars could be the biggest thing to hit NASCAR since they gave us toothless fans.
That's right.
And that's all
