Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Fri Mar 7, 2025
All right, like I was saying, the Oscars were last night, the 97th, and probably for most people who watched it, it felt like 97 years.
Not to say it lasted forever, but by the time it was over, Elon Musk had six more kids.
Yeah.
And Kieran Kolkin won for his performance in A Real Pain.
Who knew they already made a movie about my ex-wife?
I had
Moore was nominated for her role as an aging actress, struggling to find work in Hollywood.
The movie is called The Demi Moore Story.
The director of Enora thanked sex workers.
You're welcome, responded Kardashians.
Best actor winner Adrian Brody refused to let his acceptance speech get cut short.
In his defense, after starring in a three and a half hour long movie like The Brutalist, he forgot what it's like to be edited.
And the big winner last night, me, I did not watch.
British scientists have created a banana that stays fresh for up to 24 hours after you peel it.
I mean, kids are still dying from brain tumors, but I'm glad we finally got the whole banana-staying-fresh thing
science.
A FedEx cargo plane departing Newark burst into flames, but the pilots decided to keep flying since option B was returning to Newark.
Oh, you're not from Newark, stop it.
A study shows that having kids slows down brain aging of parents.
Uh-huh.
However, it greatly speeds up liver aging from all the vodka consumption you have
And everybody loves Raymond Reunion special, maybe in the works.
But they have to pick a day that Brad Garrett isn't busy at his other job of scaring villagers.
David Fomstino turns 51 today, you know who he is?
He played Bud Bundy unmarried with children.
Since the show ended, he's been going around telling people he played Bud Bundy on Married With Children.
I
extent.
Billy Joel fell on stage during a concert in Connecticut.
But that's what you get when your pre-show ritual includes a bottle of white, a bottle of red, maybe of rosé instead.
Today, Fat Tuesday, or Fat Tunes Day if you ask me, but the name will be changed to Svelte Tuesday next year because it started using ozempic.
Everybody's using ozempic.
LA was hit with an earthquake on Oscar night because even God wanted Adrian Brody to wrap up his stinking speech.
The U.S.
had the coldest winter in over a decade.
The entire country was iceier than a Trump-Zolensky photo op.
That's how
The CEO of Kroger stepped down for improper behavior.
He made a very quick exit from his office since he only had to pack 15 items or less, so that weighed real quick for him.
Archaeologists have discovered that 20,000 years ago, North Americans transported goods by pulling them on sled-like vehicles.
Sounds inconvenient, but I bet they could cover more terrain than, say, a Cybertruck.
The lightest spot on Earth from space is the Las Vegas Strip.
Of course it is.
The dullest?
Washington,
new study says that fish can recognize people based on what they're wearing.
The study was conducted by a group of scientists with really nothing much going on at the moment.
Marlon Wayans says it's time for white chicks too.
And this just in.
Marlon Wayans and I have totally different concepts of
Jennifer Garner was seen laughing while hanging out with her ex Ben Affleck.
Now obviously, he was telling her that he made a good Batman.
That would have made me
too.
Woody Harrelson said he had an alien experience back in 1974.
You and me both responded the alien.
Landon Donovan turns 43 today.
He might just be the best soccer player ever in the US, which is kind of like being the best dentist in England.
I'm sorry to say the Pope's health continues to worsen.
It's either that or this is a brilliant marketing campaign for a conclave.
A Chinese electric car company has created a model with a roof-mounted drone launch pad.
So finally, there's a vehicle that's more obnoxious than a cyber truck.
So more obnoxious.
The U.S.
ended international aid for third-world countries.
But on the bright side, we did send them a bunch of Chief's Super Bowl
Former WWE executive Linda McMahon has been confirmed as Secretary of Education.
Her goal is to lower education standards enough to create the next generation of pro wrestling fans.
Oscar ratings, down.
Viewers missed out on four hours of joy, tears, drama, and that was just Adrian Brody's speech.
Daryl Hall
Paul says he'll never reunite with John Oates.
It's nothing personal, he's just allergic to mustaches.
That's all.
Meghan Markle's new lifestyle show premiered last night on Netflix.
Her first topic, how to alienate your husband from his family and make his entire country hate him.
Way to go, Meghan Markle, congratulations.
Forbes named Jerry Seinfeld one of the highest paid actors of 2024.
but only after they really broaden the hell out of their definition of the word actor.
Yeah.
He's funny.
He's no actor.
Penn Gillette, the six foot six magician of Penn and Teller turns 70 today, which is why he's working on a new trick of making the punk kids running on his lawn disappear, you lousy kids.
You lousy kids.
Singer Eddie Grant, 77 today.
What an innovator.
I mean, he wasn't the first guy to rock down Electric Avenue, but then taking it higher.
Oh my God.
Genius.
Florida wants to make a road out of radioactive waste.
Big deal.
McDonald's has been doing that for years with their shamrock shakes.
Americans estimate 13% of their possessions are junk.
Wow, a lot of people shop at the TJ
There's a study showing chewing wood may boost your memory, which unfortunately means you'll never forget how bad it felt to chew on wood.
Yeah, but again, good fiber.
Good fiber for you.
Best Buy says tariffs are going to make its products more expensive.
Thank you, tariffs.
It might get so bad that they'll have to change their name to Worst Buy.
liked it, and that's all that matters.
No matter how old I get, I'll never get sick of me.
West Virginia wants the Bible recognized as an accurate historical record.
Yet now comes the tough part, teaching West Virginians to read.
Ben Affleck would reportedly like to get back together with Jennifer Garner.
I say go for it, Jen.
I mean, everyone deserves a 17th
CBS canceled two of their FBI spinoffs.
Even TV networks are waging war on the deep state.
I don't get it.
Critics are calling Meghan Markle's Netflix show pointless.
or to put it another way, right on brand.
British singer Kiki Dee, 78 today.
Her new duet with Elton John, it's called Don't Go Breaking My Hip.
Former WWE star Dave Bautista wants to star in a biopic about her earnest heading way.
And I would love to produce it, but right now I'm very busy with another project.
Hulk Hogan's King Lear.
Watch for it coming out this Christmas.
Survivor fans will get to vote on elements of the game for the next year's 50th season.
Unfortunately, one of the options won't be put this freaking show out of its misery.
That's what it should be.
That's what you get for calling the damn thing survivor.
The study of Viking skulls reveals they suffered from abnormal jaw and bone growth.
No wonder they won so many battles.
People must have been just terrified to see an army of Jay Leno's invading their village.
Wouldn't that be terrifying?
Daylight saving time begins on Sunday, and it's also the only time of year you remember there's a clock on your oven and your
Experts are saying San Francisco is sinking fast and could be unsalvageable if something isn't done soon.
But enough about the 49ers.
Scientists are keeping an eye on an active volcano in Alaska.
And by the way, just so you know, FYI, I'm on an eruption watch, too.
I'm lactose intolerant, and I just washed down a bowl of Haggendas with a glass of whole milk, so
are gonna get ugly fast.
Experts say five minutes of exercise could delay dementia.
And I'm sure I speak for every American when I say could is not the same as will.
Utah may start teaching kindergarteners about gun safety, which explains the new kid's book, Hop on Pop, Pop, Pop,
Martin Scorsese may direct a crime drama in Hawaii.
You know, I can't wait for that scene where Moana gets capped in the back room of an Italian restaurant.
My favorite scene.
Meghan Markle is accused of stealing her lifestyle show from Pamela Anderson.
And her overall annoying vibe from, of course, Gwyneth Paltrow.
Brian Cranston turns 69 today.
You know, we mostly associate Brian with Breaking Bad.
But these days, it's more for breaking wind, I hate to say.
It's Employee Appreciation Day and if you walk into your place of employment and find no sign that you're appreciated and let me check my studio here one more time.
Nope, nope, nothing.
Well you need to consider that perhaps you need to check the signs that you don't deserve anything for Employee Appreciation Day.
Like one of those signs would be your office nickname is Mr. Never
And you never work through lunch or before lunch or after
Another sign you deserve nothing for Employee Appreciation Day.
The only thing you do at meetings is stick your gum under the conference table.
may daydream as to, gosh, how did they get that gigantic table into this room?
what I do.
Or you replaced your desk with a hammock, you probably don't deserve that.
And you know how everyone brings their lunch in a Tupperware container that says their name?
You bring yours in a bottle that says Jim Beam.
And your coworkers agree the character from the office, your most like, is the guy who never appeared on the office because he was fired.
all I
