Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Fri Feb 14, 2025
Bird flu was detected in New York City.
Then it was lost again when it blended in with the 700 other diseases there.
You know, there's a lot going on.
A gastrointestinal outbreak on a Caribbean cruise sickened over 90 people, or as Chipotle calls it, a very light day.
A new study says drinking when you have a large belly.
can double your risk of serious liver damage.
On the bright side though, I just like looking on the bright side, having a large belly also increases your chances of having a place to rest your beer.
The Pepsi challenge is back.
You remember the Pepsi challenge?
Oh, isn't this exciting?
You know, this is, if you don't remember, the blind taste test when a bunch of people chose Pepsi over Coke, but still bought
A 300-year-old violin auction for $11 million.
But the new owner can't just do whatever he wants with it.
There are strings attached.
Get rid of the violin strings.
Today is National Poop Day.
I don't know if you knew that, but as Dorothy once said, I think she said this, there's no place like home to
Yeah.
All right, the house from keeping up with the Kardashians is on the market.
If those walls could talk, I bet they'd say something like, we have STDs, something like that.
Sarah Michelle Gellar says she only agreed to do a Buffy the Vampire Slayer revival after they promised her they would do it right.
And that promise was written on 50s and 100s backed up to her front door in a big tractor trailer.
Sources say the New York Jets now plan to part ways with Aaron Rodgers.
So this frees them up to sign a new quarterback to suck with.
So way to go.
Starbucks employees are writing on cups again.
This was the other day.
Mine said, I don't get paid enough to come up with anything to
And here, a nationwide blackout in Sri Lanka was caused by a monkey messing with power lines.
And the man in the yellow hat is gonna just whoop his ass.
It's gonna be... Australian scientists have produced the world's first kangaroo embryo through in vitro fertilization.
Next, Australian scientists hope to determine what is and is not a knife.
That's a knife.
All right, Brian Adams.
Oh, this is this is crazy Brian Adams concert had to be canceled due to a and and this is it fatberg FATB ERG Brian Adams concert canceled due to a fatberg which by the way is a mass created by the mingling of fat oil and grease with non biodegradable solids Yeah, it's too bad for his fans, but on the bright side Burger King
should be coming out with the double bacon fat burger with cheese coming up in the
few weeks.
That sounds kind of good, actually.
Cheryl Crowe turned 63 today.
Nowadays, when all Cheryl wants to do is have some fun, she just watches a Matlock marathon and she's good.
A YouTuber used 250,000 Legos to recreate a battle from Star Wars.
Too bad no amount of Legos will help him recreate a fulfilling relationship.
Patrick Mahomes says he doesn't know if Travis Kelsey will play next year.
Taylor Swift hasn't made up his mind
she's gonna make up his mind for him.
The New York Jets are moving on from Aaron Rodgers.
So great news for teams in the market for an overrated delusional narcissist.
There you go.
Trader Joe's is limiting egg purchases.
They knew they had to do something when eggs became harder to find than a spot in their lot.
Right, fake studio audience?
McDonald's is bringing back the shamrock shake.
It tests better than their other St.
Patrick's Day tribute, the filet au leprechaun.
The FBI says it has discovered 2,400 more files on the JFK assassination.
They'll be released as part of Operation Distract from the Jeffrey Epstein files.
Hamas has accused Israel of breaking their ceasefire deal.
This could end up being the first time a Middle East ceasefire has fallen apart since every single year in human history.
Today, Abe Lincoln's birthday.
And how dare we talk about taking away the penny?
How dare we?
But anyway, if Lincoln were alive today, you know, he'd probably say, so a cup of coffee at this Starbucks place costs more than this bill with my picture on it?
They're crazy, by the way, just a heads up.
A couple in Florida was arrested for having sex in front of a Wendy's.
Authorities and I can't believe it.
They were like, what do you think this is?
An Arby's?
Michael McDonald, our favorite yacht rocker, Michael McDonald turned 73 today.
And my dream has always been to find out where he lives, show up at his front door, just out of the blue, and say, you don't know me, but I'm your brother.
Taking it to the streets.
Philadelphia will hold its championship parade for the Eagles on Friday, and that gives all the city's human beings 48 hours to evacuate.
And please start stocking up on batteries now, people, if you're listening in Philadelphia.
I hate to tell you that ocean temperatures have risen for over 450 straight days, which explains Disney's new animated hit, Broiling Nemo.
China launched a mission to find water on the moon because that's cheaper than paying for a bottle of it from, say, Whole Foods.
Experts say bingo delays dementia.
And here's where it gets interesting.
They also say Yahtzee leads to immediate and painful
Florida woman.
Yes, it's a Florida woman.
I wanted to emphasize that.
A Florida woman was arrested for beating her ex with a phallic sex toy, which of course is a clear violation of the state's penal code.
Mafia godfathers have been caught on wiretaps complaining about the miserable quality of new recruits.
These kids are so dumb they would take the gun and leave the
That's the outfit, even I know that.
Eesh, 83-year-old Chubby Checker is a first-time nominee for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Wow, that's a twist I didn't see coming.
All righty.
this is a courtesy announcement, by the way, for all the husbands who forgot, today is Valentine's Day.
I just wish I had someone who looks at me the way Elon Musk looks at my tax dollars.
That's
love.
And it's also National Impotence Day, so the Kansas City Chiefs can celebrate too.
You know, 17% of people said this Valentine's Day couldn't make or break their relationship.
And it's definitely break for guys who take their dates to
My fantasies about taking Mrs. Waters to a tropical location, you know, maybe somewhere along the Gulf of America, or somewhere like that.
You know, in addition to Valentine's Day, today is also Read to Your Child Day, or in Bill Belichick's case, Read to Your Girlfriend's Day.
Have you seen her?
Oh, she's young.
She's just a kid.
Today is Library Lovers Day as well.
Cool!
What's a library?
asked everyone under 40.
You should go to the library.
Scientists say the core of the planet Earth has been changing shape.
Especially, especially since it's been taking ozempic.
It's really looking good.
According to a survey that I just read and I made up.
Just a couple of minutes ago, the perfect nap is 51 minutes and starts when your spouse says, listen to what happened to me at work today.
Put your right out.
I know, I know it puts Mrs. Waters out as soon as I start talking about my day.
This weekend, SNL celebrates its 50th, and this is a multiple choice, 50th A, Anniversary B, Episode or C, Laugh.
Well, by your laughter, I think you picked C, didn't ya?
Thanks for playing along with me there, fake studio audience.
Kendrick Lamar's bell-bottom jeans from the Super Bowl halftime show have sold out with toddlers.
And finally pepperoni is the most popular pizza topping in the United States and pineapple is the most popular pizza topping in hell I know because Satan Satan ordered some so I don't know there you go.
That's all I got
