Hey, it's Mike Waters from the Waters Wake Up Call.
You lied to me today, but then again, I asked you to.
It was big whopper liar day.
Well, when me and my wife first got married, we had a car that light bulb went out in the turn signal.
So when you turned the blinker on, the blinker would blink fast.
Yeah?
So I pulled into an automotive store and I said, go ahead and get some blinker fluid.
Oh, that did not go over so well.
Well, you made a fool
out of her, didn't you?
I'm going to call you blinker ding
dong from now on.
So,
what did you wife do?
Are you still married?
Yeah, 48 years.
She must have a terrible memory.
Maybe she forgot about that incident like five minutes later.
Well, maybe, but she found such a good cat she just don't want to leave.
Well, that's it.
Now
that I've found
somebody named Ding Dong,
if they call
him Ding Dong,
why would I ever want to
leave him?
That's right.
You know what I
mean?
Yeah.
Well, I hope she calls you Blinker Ding Dong after that incident.
I'll tell her.
Okay, please do.
Thank you.
I appreciate
that.
Yeah, this is Cole Patrol, Bremer County.
Cole Patrol?
Yeah, Cole Patrol.
What
do you do as a member of the Cole Patrol?
We
go around checking up on all the...
Oh good.
My mom and dad, they'll usually tell us that Santa Claus wouldn't come
unless it snowed.
So what happened on Christmas Eve if it wasn't snowing?
My mom and dad would make up another story.
Good.
So they'd have a lie to cover for the other lie just in case.
Exactly.
That's smart.
Now, see that smart lying right there.
If you're going to be untrue, you might as well be smart about
it.
Exactly.
a time where my grandfather and my dad went in on this and I was using an electric drill and my dad came...
The electrical cord, almost like you would a water hose.
Okay.
My grandfather's around the corner and he's unplugging it, making it look like when my dad kicked the extension cord that had to cut the power off to the drill.
I was like, oh wow, you can do that?
But you realize now that that doesn't happen, right?
Yeah, my dad and my grandfather's full of crap.
Well, yeah.
And if there's one thing that either your dad or your grandfather is good for, it's making you look like an idiot at least for a minute or two.
When we kids grow up, we do the same thing to our kids.
Yeah, yeah.
Either that or you break the cycle.
Maybe it's good to just break the cycle and not do that with your own kids.
But that's no fun.
I've made him look pretty dumb sometimes, too.
God bless you for that.
That means you're a good father.
If you keep making that face, your face is going to stay like that.
Yes, that's the classic is what that is.
That's like the stairway to heaven of lies to kids.
I was trying to think of one and that's the best way I
could
come up with.
But actually, and this may surprise you, it's true.
It's not a lie, it's true.
My face did stay like my weirdest face I made at some point in my life.
That's my problem.
Oh, come on.
I saw your profile picture.
It's not that bad.
Huge, Sharmer.
You're very complimentary, but I didn't get this dopey face from God.
I got it from making a face.
It stayed that way.
So I am the poster boy for the, if you make a face, it'll stay like that.
No longer a lie.
The truth.
At least you're owning it.
I own so few things.
I'll take, I'll take anything.
And I got a weekend song for you.
Okay.
It's working for the weekend.
My lover
boy.
I knew somebody was going to get to that at some point, but yeah, I got to play that.
Cause we're working for the weekend.
So from a lie to a lie proven true and finally to undisputed truth.
We are indeed working for the weekend.
Hey, wanna roll now?
Right on, man.
I hope you're making a happy face and it stays that way.
It's all up to you, man.
It is.
I know.
I know.
I feel the responsibility.
I feel the crush.
Okay, well, you have a great
day.
If you drink coffee, you're gonna grow hair on your
chest.
What?
Yeah.
Do you drink coffee?
I do.
No hair on my
chest.
Okay.
You know what that means, don't
you?
Yes,
your parents are liars, but all parents are
liars.
That is true.
It is true.
Oh, to tell your daughter that of all people, that's just not nice.
It's not stopping.
No, didn't stop ya.
I'm sure you were probably drinking and checking every once in a while when you started.
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.
Well, once you saw that it wasn't true, I'm sure you just upped your caffeine intake then.
Most definitely.
Got my Starbucks with me right now.
Well, you sound awake.
And you don't sound like a hairy-chested female, so good for you.
Yeah!
Yay!
That's that's success right there.
That's an
accomplishment.
If
you sing while eating at the table, you'll kiss a fool.
You know, I think my ex-wife and every one of my girlfriends probably sang while they were eating.
How many fools did you kiss?
table at that point?
Yes, I did.
Good.
At least you learned something.
Yes, I did.
And maybe that wasn't such a lie.
Oh, I don't know.
Yeah.
No, either.
My brother tells Big Whopper Teller.
Yeah.
And back when my older son was little, he told the story of how they actually had a third brother named Clem.
And Clem was unfortunately abducted by the abominable snowman and had to go live in the Himalayas.
That's funny.
Were they were they afraid of the abominable
snowman after
After that, I know I would have been coming to kidnap me.
No, not at all.
That's the funny thing.
They were just so engrossed.
Yeah, it's something about... I think there was a chopper involved at one time.
They
could have
actually kidnapped them and took them to the Yeti.
I mean, it changes and evolves.
Right.
Good morning, Mr. Waters.
Well, good morning to you.
How are you this fine Monday morning?
Good
morning.
Good morning kids.
How are you?
Oh, I thought I smelled something.
Yeah.
Boy, when they first told me that, that scared the crap out of me.
I put my slinky down and never watched it walk downstairs alone and in pairs ever again.
Yeah, I wasn't going blind for no slinky.
Nope.
Do you?
Yeah, put
that thing down.
Give it to your brother.
That's what my parents told me.
So I did and he never went blind and he's now a really still a big
slinky fan he's got probably the biggest collection in in the Midwest of slinkies sure of course I've heard of the the slinky blind lie
back
when they were made of metal and if you pulled on it it did it extended it a whole lot because you'd bend that soft metal and and the slinky
It would grow.
It would look it would at least look like it was bigger.
We should enjoy your show, sir.
Well, thank you.
It's probably the way I clean up terrible terrible dirty lies and comments from dirty listeners.
Is that what it is?
What do you mean?
You
weirdos.
YOLO WITH ME YO-YO!
It's all I got since I gave my slinky to my brother.
YOLO YO-YO IN SLINKIES!
I
told my son that he was a surprise for the Cracker Jack box that happened sooner than expected.
And what does he think now when he sees a Cracker Jack
box?
And he was about seven.
I heard him say, oh, let it be a girl, let it be a sister, let it be a sister.
And I'm like, what is going on?
And I walk out and he's got Cracker Jack and he's trying to find the
prize.
Well, I think you got proof right there that that was a Cracker Jack of a lie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did you know what prize he found?
And was he
fooled?
A tattoo.
A tattoo.
Did you end up naming a sister tattoo?
Did he have a sister?
We never had
a sister.
Oh, would you have named her tattoo?
I suppose.
I suppose.
The
plane.
The plane.
That's a good one.
I remember that show.
I think that's probably what you would have sounded like.
Weekday mornings, 5.30 to
10.
