Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Fri Mar 22, 2024
Well, hey
It's Mike Waters from the Waters Wake Up Call.
I hope your attempt to enjoy the weekend is successful.
And you know, every weekday, Monday through Friday at 6.50 and 9.10, I bring you the hit-and-run headlines.
And then Friday, I gather all of the greatest hits from the hit-and-run headlines, and I put them all together, and oh, it's just so entertaining.
Check it out, please, starting Monday and going through Friday.
The Starbucks spring menu is out.
It features a variety of drinks, but they all have one thing in common.
Your name
The
Wall Street bonus fell by 2% last year.
I don't know about you, but after hearing this news, I could barely eat.
A small stone vial discovered in Iran contains lipstick that is 4,000 years old.
It's the oldest example of lipstick not found on Cher's face.
Thank you.
Despite the release of a grainy video of Kate Middleton in public, people are still doubting it's really her.
So all she's really managed to do is upgrade her status from missing in action to Sasquatch.
British actor Aaron Taylor Johnson has reportedly been offered the role of James Bond.
That means I just lost 20 bucks since I bet my friend it was gonna be Ed Begley Jr.
That's what I thought.
There's a Christian-themed nightclub in Nashville called The Cove, where drinking, smoking, and twerking are not allowed.
And if the owners don't like the crowd, they just flood the place and start over.
That sounds familiar.
Kate Middleton may finally speak publicly next month.
I know, I know.
Why next month?
Because it'll take that long to get the hologram technology just
Disrupted a Broadway production and you can tell the performers were angry.
They gave the protesters jazz fingers Russian president Vladimir Putin what happened with his reelection?
What do you think of course?
He won in a landslide and Russians who voted for Putin are older Russians who voted for the opposition are missing Today
is the first day of spring.
And everywhere you look, animals are mating as are Nick Cannon and Elon Musk.
Not together.
And the Oakland A's are already eliminated from the playoffs.
Ah, that time when a young man's fancy turns to porn hub.
It's the time of year when Charlie Sheen blames his sneezing on something other than cocaine.
That's right.
It's when millions of Americans start to pretend that they're interested in college basketball.
All the madness of it all.
The madness, I tell you.
Video has emerged, by the way, of Kate Middleton in public with Prince William.
Witnesses say she appeared happy and healthy, and her circuit board only glitched once, so pretty good.
Pretty good.
The jockstrap is celebrating its 150th birthday.
Thanks for keeping us safe and supported, replied the Russian women's track team.
Fabrics retailer Joanne has filed for bankruptcy for years they've just been hanging by a thread.
Thank you.
Yeah, right dad joke rich men are more likely to cheat due to their high-pressure jobs and also due to the fact that their man JLo got a flat tire while driving with Ben Affleck Fortunately all that junk in her trunk included the spare so that's good
The Electric Light Orchestra announced their farewell tour, but in keeping with the times they will be billed as the Solar-Powered Light Orchestra.
Good choice.
Megan Markle returned to Instagram.
Awesome, responded diehard, megal markle, megal... I gotta try that again.
By the way, I think she'll be known from now on as megal markle.
Megan Markle, return to Instagram.
Awesome, responded diehard, Megan Markle fan, Megan Markle.
That was worth it, wasn't it?
Hey, today is National Common Courtesy Day.
Does anybody remember Common Courtesy?
So ladies, if you could please leave the seat up.
I might have to wee-wee later, so I'd appreciate it.
Frontier Airlines will let you pay extra to keep the middle seat open.
Well, I don't want anyone to sit next to me on a plane.
I just hold a ukulele and maybe a little tiptoe through the tulips.
You know, I think that usually keeps people away.
and that keeps the middle state free, so that's what I do.
High schools are bringing back shop class.
I didn't know it went away, but shop teachers are giving the move two thumbs up, or they would if they still had them.
A burglar in Australia was caught on camera stretching before breaking into a building.
That makes sense.
A hammy is the last thing you want to pull while pulling a heist,
a study out that claims money is addictive.
Read more about it in the new issue of problems morning radio hosts do not need to worry about.
Former James Bond, Timothy Dalton turned 78 today.
Nowadays, when he asks for a drink that's shaken, not stirred, it's insurer.
So doctors in Boston have transplanted a pig kidney into a human being.
The operation was a success and it could be as early as this weekend that the patient goes wee wee wee all the way
A computer issue caused two and a half hour delays at DMVs across the country.
You know, if they didn't say anything, I doubt customers would have even noticed.
I'll bet they
study found that on average, blondes have higher IQs than other women.
But only if those other women are Kardashians.
Otherwise... No, I kid.
I kid because I love.
How about that Tracy Morgan, huh?
He gained 40 pounds, even though he was on Ozympic.
Then he snorted a ton of cocaine and fell asleep.
That's the way he does it.
That's the way he does it.
Snorted cocaine goes to sleep, Ozympic gains 40 pounds.
Reese Witherspoon turns 48 today.
No big surprises, though.
Her kids will get her the same thing they always do.
A coupon for a free chinsharpening.
Sir, they found that 43% of Americans believe water tastes boring.
Yeah, I used to feel that way about the taste of water, but that changed once I started adding vodka.
That's my tip.
That's my weekend tip to you.
And finally, John Mellencamp reportedly left the stage at one of his recent concerts because the crowd was too raucous and disrespectful.
He was mad, but before he left, he told the audience to go suck a chili dog.
That's all I
