Hit and Run Headlines 3-14-2024

All your current events with the hit and run headlines.

Today is genius day.

Hey, we see you, inventor of big mouth, Billy Bass.

Genius of there ever was one.

So there's Florida Woman, and when I say Florida Woman, you know it's going to be a crazy story.

Florida Woman was arrested for breaking into her ex's home and throwing sprites and pickled pork.

Right, Adam, pickled pork for God's sakes.

In her defense, that's barely worse service than I got from DoorDash last night, so... And since we talk about a Florida woman, equal time for a crazy Florida man had his hand bitten off by an alligator.

Though on the plus side, he's a shoe-in to replace Carl Weathers if they ever make a sequel to Happy Gilmore, so that's... something.

That's a bright side, I guess.

Trader Joe's mini tote bags are being listed on eBay for as much as $1,000.

It's just a fad.

I spend my money on things that will never become unpopular.

You know, like Fidget Spinner's and Stanley Cup's, that kind of thing.

Hey, it's been a decade now since Flight 370 disappeared.

The sad, sad thing is, if it does land tomorrow, Southwest still considers that on time.

The house passed a bill that could lead to a ban on TikTok.

Might not seem like a big deal until you realize most people under 40 heard that news by watching

TikTok.

Researchers have discovered a protein that allows mammals to sense cold temperatures.

Next, they hope to discover why your wife always wants an extra blanket even after you've turned up the heater 100 degrees.

America's fastest growing high school sport is girls wrestling.

And if you want to see women wrestle, go to Target whenever there's a sale on those Stanley Tumblers that I was talking about.

Then you'll see some action.

Japanese authorities are on the lookout for a cat that fell into a vat of toxic waste at a factory, then ran away.

Given Japan's track record with mutated animals, I'm sure everything will be just fine.

Everything will be just fine.

Al Pacino is releasing a memoir.

Judging by his performance at the Oscars, I'm guessing it'll be about 300 blank pages.

Jennifer Lopez has canceled several stops on her upcoming tour without explanation.

Sources say it's because those venues don't support autotune.

And finally, people are finding it odd that Matthew Perry's trust

is called the LV Singer Living Trust after a character in a Woody Allen film.

I don't see what's so odd about that.

I mean, my estate is named the Paul Blart Mall Cop Living Trust.

So, I don't

know, who eats his own, that's all I got.