Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Fri Mar 8, 2024
Hey, it's Mike Waters from the Waters Wake Up Call.
Hope you're enjoying your weekend and at the end of every week I like to put together the Hidden Run Headlines greatest hits and runs or something like that.
I'm still working on it.
But every weekday I give you all your current events in the Hidden Run Headlines.
We do it at 6.50 and 9.10.
So here now Monday through Friday.
Well, the best of what I did anyway.
Here you go.
Hidden Run Headlines from the week.
reported that Mark Zuckerberg is building a bunker in Hawaii.
But it's probably not true since I read it on Facebook and probably nothing on Facebook is true.
Meghan Markle was spotted skiing in Utah.
Her motto is work hard, play hard.
Well, minus the work part.
You know the Bud Light boycott cost a billion dollars in lost sales.
But wait, if Bud Light drinkers had a billion dollars, why were they drinking Bud Light?
Answer me that!
Wendy's is offering $1 cheeseburgers all month to celebrate March Madness, which will then be followed by April
A new study says that sitting all day is linked to an early death.
That's why I always stand while I'm eating those Wendy's dollar cheese burgers.
Bradley Cooper struggled to love his daughter the first eight months.
Well, Billy Ray Cyrus struggled to love his daughter the last eight months, so.
A Baywatch reboot is in the works at Fox.
That's what we need.
A Baywatch reboot.
None of the original writers are involved because they're no longer horny 13 year olds.
Singer Eddie Grant turned 76 today.
Happy birthday Eddie Grant.
You know he and I went to kindergarten together.
Snack time we were tight.
Nowadays he says he's gonna soft rock down to Electric Avenue.
Dollar warehouses were infested with rodents.
I know, disgusting.
I mean, what were those rodents thinking?
Family dollar warehouse.
Organizers of a nude bowling night at Kraft and Ingram Lanes in Pittsburgh say sexual harassment will not be tolerated.
You gotta save that crap for late night for goodness sakes.
An Indian businessman threw a $150 million pre-wedding party.
I know it sounds pricey, but remember it had a chocolate fountain.
So if it has a chocolate fountain, it's gonna raise the price quite a bit.
The CDC shortened the isolation period for people with COVID.
They increased it for people who won't shut up about
Jeff Bezos has dethroned Elon Musk to become the richest person in the world again.
But don't worry, Elon.
You and Jeff are still both equally hated.
Engineers have created the world's smallest QR code.
It'll be used to store the menu of your favorite dimly-lit restaurant.
What is the deal with...
The man was stung on his family jewels by a scorpion while asleep at a Vegas resort.
He said it felt like he was being stabbed with broken glass.
And I think the important question is, how does this guy know what it feels like to be stabbed in the family jewels with broken glass?
And I can't say I know how that guy feels, but one time I woke up with a burning sensation after hooking up with a woman I met at a Scorpions concert, and long story short, we're still married.
This is National Procrastination Week.
I probably should have mentioned that earlier, but it's National Procrastination Week.
Chicago turned 187 on Monday, and there was a big celebration with a big birthday cake, but no Chicago Bears were invited.
You don't want Bears players around candles because they blow.
That's right, Jeff Winfield.
I said it.
Taylor Swift urged her fans to vote on Super Tuesday.
That probably explains why I saw a lot of women filling out a ballot with one arm while holding their cats in the other arm.
Drew Barrymore enjoys sex on airplanes.
Counting her romantic comedies, that's two ways she ruins everyone's flight.
Jennifer Aniston says the secret to her figure is exercise.
Every morning she walks to the bathroom, injects ozempic, and then walks right back to
Finally, Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelsey announced he's retiring.
OMG, that's Taylor's boyfriend's brother shrieked hopeless losers everywhere.
The National Guard has been deployed to fight crime in the New York City subway system.
Those troops are already begging to be reassigned to a safer place like the Middle East.
A New Mexico teacher let the students engage in a sword fight in class.
Too bad the teacher wasn't as sharp.
Parts of the southeast United States are experiencing record heat for this time of year.
Now it's even harder to keep frozen embryos in Alabama.
Are you kidding me?
A new senior living complex in Virginia will employ robot helpers.
because old people are so good with technology.
They really are.
So thank goodness, also on staff ran children to help them change the batteries.
So thank God.
Experts are saying that fasting can add two years to your life.
Just keep in mind that those two years really, really suck.
The U.S.
Embassy is warning spring breakers against traveling to Jamaica due to the horrifying possibility of multiple choice, A, being the victim of a violent crime, B, getting denied access to medical services, or C, coming home with white boy dreads.
That's gotta be C, gotta be.
The Bachelor has a condition that turns his eyes yellow.
It's still not as mysterious as the condition that makes him want to find a wife on TV.
Oh, here's something important.
Chuck Norris, 84th birthday this Sunday.
And I think he's just gonna keep havin' birthdays.
He doesn't cheat death.
He wins fair and square.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
And he can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
10% of Americans experience irritable bowel syndrome.
I'm surprised it isn't higher considering we set aside one day a week for tacos.
You know what the tacos do, right?
A marijuana brand will pay a content creator $70,000 a year to get high.
You know, once you deduct what you spend on Taco Bell, it's down to like 650, I think.
That's right.
A study finds that global freedom dropped in 2023.
You know what this calls for, don't you?
A lecture from Bono.
Somebody get him on the horn.
Iran announced plans to build a naval base in Antarctica.
Not so fast responded the script for Top Gun
The Netherlands is both the most popular and most dangerous destination for spring breakers.
And I believe this is called a self-correcting problem.
Worms living near the Chernobyl nuclear disaster appeared to have developed an immunity to radiation.
And here I thought it was the robots or the ants or Keith Richards that we're gonna take over.
Adam Sandler made more money than Tom Cruise last year, and I don't want to say Tom took it hard, but he did renown his agent for not getting him more roles that require silly voices.
Wolfgang Puck's Oscar menu includes chocolate statues dusted in edible gold powder.
Ozempic responded, challenge accepted.
Harrison Ford says they played the Indiana Jones theme during his last colonoscopy.
And here's a coincidence.
While the doctors were up in there, they found the script to Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.
I wonder where that went.
And finally, you know, experts are saying that eating carbs makes you
ugly within two hours.
So if you've binged on donuts, muffins, and pancakes this morning, I don't want to say you're ugly, but you look normal in a funhouse mirror.
right.
You're so ugly, nobody wants to talk to you on FaceTime.
So ugly, so ugly, priests try to ward you off with a crucifix.
And when people say you have a face only your mother could love, she says, eh, not so
And you know that app that turns you into a dog?
No one notices when you use it.
Yeah, you're so ugly, you work in radio.
All right,
Hey, it's Mike Waters from the Waters Wake Up Call.
This morning, I told you that Gen Z wants to bring back the rotary phones.
You know, I think I lost two years of my life in the 70s just by dialing numbers on those rotary phones.
So this morning, we were sarcastically mentioning other things we need to bring back.
First one's going to be common sense, intelligence.
Oh, great.
Exactly what we need.
Common courtesy, respect.
Yeah.
None of that's around anymore in customer service.
Oh, that'd be fantastic to bring all that back.
And then, you know, then we'd have to say hi to people, and we'd have to make way for them, and try and be smart all the time, and take time out of our day to be nice to these people.
Oh, that'd be fantastic if you work retail, and then it's, oh, yes, sir, no, sir, customer's always right.
Yeah, sign me up for a little of
that.
I really, really miss outhouses.
Wouldn't it be great to have outhouses again?
Especially in subzero weather.
Yes.
I'm in total agreement with you.
There's nothing better in this free world than going out in 30 below weather, pulling down your pants and sitting down for a good 10, 15 minutes.
That's great.
And that's the way to use up your magazines,
too.
It really is.
Really, for reading and then if you run out of toilet paper.
Right?
Of course it is.
Out houses, okay, I'm writing that down.
Out houses, number one and number two on the
list.
You know somebody said cassettes earlier, but I think eight track tapes would be even better they can be eaten by your machine and I love how they They'll play half a song and then switch tracks and play the other half of the song.
I That's not distracting at all.
I think that's fantastic
eight tracks
Okay, I'll call Detroit see what I can get done for
you
good
let's hear it farmer Dave how about when you're used to have
check out people you didn't have to check yourself
out.
We should bring them back.
We should bring more of them back because usually there's maybe one or two checkers and the rest of
them
are just monitoring you at the at the self-checkout so you don't steal nothing.
They've got cameras on you.
They've got five checkers just you know surrounding you and just eyeballing you at all times making sure you ain't stealing nothing.
In the olden days when they used to be in the alleyways
Now you
have to forage.
It's like foraging for food now.
That's what we do because there aren't as many people out there to help us.
You know, there are
no,
yeah, there are no guides.
We have to forage on our own.
Hopefully we'll come out of there with everything.
There's nobody also at the end to say you find everything and you could say no.
I didn't find this this this and this and they'd say oh well I'm sorry about that and there would be nothing they could do because they're stuck They're checking you and there's nobody they can call to go and get this stuff.
So you're screwed Farmer Dave
Yeah, it'll
be a big thrift store, but way more expensive
yep
Yeah, we're doing all the work now.
We should get an automatic discount, Farmer Dave, for performing these particular jobs.
Exactly.
Good morning, Mike Waters.
Well, good morning to you.
How are you?
Well, I was wondering if we could bring back party lines so I could listen in and breathe in.
Oh, you're that guy, huh?
Yeah.
I talked to you a lot back in the day.
You didn't say anything to me, but I talked to you a lot back in the day.
I know.
I made you mad a lot too, because I wouldn't get off the line.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
You're the last person I wanted to invite to my party line, Mr. Heavy Breather.
But no, you're right.
You're right.
Let's bring back the party
line.
Then
every call can be a party, and you never know who's going to show up.
That's pretty fantastic.
And meanwhile, you're planning a murder, and somebody jumps in on your conversation.
And you don't have to worry about this.
That's right, you don't have to be paranoid about it.
Because there's no mystery, of course they're listening in.
Well, good morning, Mike.
Well, good morning.
What's happening?
I thought of something I would love to bring back.
Okay.
It's the games I used to play with the kids back in the 90s.
Yeah.
And it had that cassette that you had to put in and it frees up and you have to pull it out and blow into it to get it to work again.
Right.
I think it was the old PlayStation.
Yeah, those were fantastic, huh?
And the graphics were so much better.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
Unbelievable.
Oh, those old
Playstations that are or the old Atari's with even better graphics
Yeah, I
don't even know why they needed to go past that I mean that was everything I mean everything since then has
been ripping off pong That's right.
I mean they just made it so difficult now.
Yeah, easy
stuff You know you got to hook up to the internet and and you know play with all these other people
it's like I don't know these people when it's time is just me and my brother yeah by yourself yeah or by
yourself that was even
better yes good point let's bring back that stuff all
right bring back that cassette tape
oh
the cassette tapes, weren't those great?
Oh, they were the best.
You could see the music turning while you're sitting there jamming out.
Oh,
yeah.
And
then, you know what I loved?
I loved when the tape player got wonky and started pulling tape out of the cassette, and then you'd have to open the cassette player, take out the tape, and be very careful that you're not pulling or stretching the tape.
And then, the only way you could rewind, you'd have to get that pencil out of your drawer, and then put it through one of the holes in the cassette.
And you could, like, oh, what do you call it?
Like a noisemaker, a New Year's Eve, you know?
You'd spin it around on this pencil until it was all rewound.
that was fun and it was always kind of exciting because you never knew when you were listening to a tape cassette of your favorite album when on what song it was your tape recorder was going to start eating your tape you can have like a drinking game with it or yeah it was exciting it was adventurous
and that's how you tape off the radio you had to have that cassette tape because nothing else would work you'd hear it on the radio and then you could hit
play in record and it just would work.
It would work and you'd get the song for free.
You'd probably start a little late and you'd free, you know, you wouldn't have the beginning of the song or maybe the annoying DJ talking over the top of the first part of it.
But hey, you'd have the song and it would sound great because it was on tape cassette.
Exactly,
they'd get
so better
quality than that.
Weekday mornings, 5.30 to
10.
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