Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Fri May 5, 2023
Hi, it's Mike Waters, Miguel Agua.
I hope you're having a great Cinco de Mayo, or if it's after Cinco de Mayo, I hope you're recovering okay.
What we should do today is, of course, learn a little Spanish.
Now, here's what I know that you will need to know.
Mas Cerveza, por favor, that's more beer, please.
Mas tequila, por favor, that's more tequila, please.
And then there's baño, baño, baño.
That's all you have to say, that one word and make it like you're in desperation, like you seriously need one.
Banjo means bathroom.
As you can hear, I'm no good for teaching Spanish, so if you are better at Spanish than I am, and I'll bet you are,
call me let's learn let's all learn a little Spanish if you think there's a phrase that we need to know today or tonight to get through Cinco de Mayo call with that but also what we need to do today is learn what Cinco de Mayo is all about and how this whole Cinco de Mayo celebration
began.
How?
Hmm.
Well, you know, I wondered too, and sometimes down in the KOKZ basement, I find some old things and school films.
I don't know why they're down there, but I find old school films down in the basement.
But this old school film from the 60s may have the answer for us.
Could somebody get the lights, Bobby?
Okay, here we go.
Start the film.
Instructional Films presents Shingo de Mayo, remembering Mexico's resistance to French rule on May 5th, 1862.
The holiday is virtually ignored in Mexico, but thanks to slick marketing campaigns, it's a hit in the U.S.
Look, there's the board of directors for the beer companies, laughing all the way to the bank.
And there's Jeff, who drank too many services and tried to drive home.
He got pulled over by the police, Cinco de Mayo, because St.
Patrick's Day was almost two months ago.
See, now don't you feel just a little bit more educated?
Hey, me too!
And you know, we'll learn more Spanish, talk more Cinco de Mayo, and of course we've got the five things coming up and the hit-and-run headlines, and I do this every weekday morning at 5.50.
Kick things off with the Bright Side, and it was great hearing from Popeye this morning from the Red Knights Motorcycle Club there in Anamosa.
Bunch of good guys, Firefighter Motorcycle Club.
They've been doing a great charity for a few years and sending kids to a
Miracle Burn Camp.
So, Popeye, you got to tell us all about this.
We've got our fourth annual stamp book promotion for St.
Gloria and Miracle Burn Camp.
Yeah, tell me all about that.
We picked out the St.
Gloria...
So these kids go to camp, unpersecuted, not bullied, around other kids that have had the same type of injury, burn injuries.
We've been doing it for three years now, and we have donated over $13,000 more than that.
I think it's close to $23,000.
That's awesome.
This is our fourth year doing it.
What we do is we get these businesses to get involved in the book, and then we sell the book to the public, the writers.
They go visit deep businesses, they get a stamp, and then they turn in these pages for three cash drawings at the end of the year on November
4th.
That's great.
Now you called me about this like last year, wasn't it?
Yes, I did, sir.
Yes, I did.
I remember.
So what can we do to help this event and help the burn camp in Okeechobee?
Get the word out.
Just get the word out.
Okay.
That's what we're trying to do.
We're trying to promote the books.
Okay, how
do you get one?
Max Shack Max Shack
Max Shack
Max Shack Max Shack Max Shack
web page for wheeling for healing, put a message in there, and we provide a response home and get them their book.
So wheeling for healing is the Facebook page?
That is
correct.
Okay, so get on the Facebook page.
That should have everything that people need to know and how to get the book, right?
Yes, yes, sir.
Well, you know, you know what I should do?
I should share your page on our page and, and... Well,
that would be
awesome.
Yeah, and this call is already going to get the word out, so...
Yeah, that would be awesome.
Yeah, you know, I've worked a bit with Camp Courageous over the last year, and they're all about getting kids to camp.
And the fact that you can have kids come to camp who have, and I can't imagine what it's like being a kid with the burn scars and what other kids would say to you and do to you.
So to go somewhere where the kids are just like you, that's huge.
Yeah, it is a surreal place.
I have not been able to visit yet, several of my members have, and they said it's just an out of body experience.
Well, Popeye, that is awesome.
Thanks for what you guys do.
Awesome.
And we did share that link, wheeling for healing, on our Facebook page, the KOKZ Facebook page.
So get over there and learn all about it and find out how you can help these kids and get some really good deals as well.
All right, I've got the hit and run headlines coming up.
We'll get you up to date on everything, but I told you we were going to be learning.
The truck
smells
like a hat.
My dog
smiles with his
tail.
Estacione, por favor, su coche con dientes.
Please park your car with your teeth.
Those are some phrases for you.
And they don't make much sense.
You thought I was kidding, right?
No, those are ridiculous phrases.
I told you.
And what better way to get into the hit run headlines.
Let's do it.
All right.
Right, so as we all know, today is Cinco de Mayo and as long as you drink enough tequila while wearing a sombrero poncho and a giant fake mustache, you will be too plastered to worry about your shameless attempts to reduce Mexican culture to painfully outdated stereotypes, okay?
Yes, and it's also National No Pants Day as well as Cinco de Mayo.
So when your drawers come off tonight, you'll have two excuses.
All right, so King Charles, are you excited as excited for this as I am?
King Charles coronation is Saturday and it's a big deal.
It's not every day that seemingly unemployed man somehow gets a promotion.
Where else does that have to be?
Most residents of London can't wait for it to be over.
The street closures have been a royal pain in the derriere.
And if you want to give him a gift, if you want to give King Charles a gift, he is registered at Target.
So Jenny Craig is shutting down.
Jenny Craig gone closing.
So put another check in the win column for Frito Lay.
But it's kind of ironic, really, if you think about it, that they're going belly up.
So this is kind of disturbing.
Investigators found 10-year-olds working at a Louisville McDonald's.
They reportedly received a tip from the 10-year-olds' little sister who called them on her lunch break at the iPhone factory.
Only one in nine US adults still smokes cigarettes.
So that probably explains why one in nine U.S.
adults still look super cool.
And of course I'm kidding, don't smoke kids.
I mean, don't smoke kids.
Ozzy Osbourne says he'll still perform live even if they have to wheel him on stage.
Yes, sitting at home with Sharon is that bad.
MTV Movie and TV Awards will now take place without multiple choice.
A, a host.
B, writers.
Or C, legitimacy as usual.
So Bob Seeger, 78 tomorrow.
Ah, Bob.
These days his night moves are a result of an enlarged prostate.
Yeah, my night moves are rolling over and snoring that's according to mrs. Waters Yeah, all right, let's how about a couple of Cinco let me let me end with a couple of Cinco de Mayo jokes, okay?
What holiday do Mexican cats celebrate in May?
Cinco de meow No, okay, I'm gonna try another one.
What is the best book to read on Cinco de Mayo?
Tequila mockingbird That really that was pretty good Why can't you ever trust a leaky burrito?
Because it always spills the beans And I should end with that that's all I got There you go the hit and runs and you know
Do you know what's Spanish for hit and run?
Pega y corre.
Pega y corre.
One more time.
Pega y corre.
Pega y corre.
Those are your Pega y corre.
Oh, I should look up headlines too.
What's headlines?
Titulares.
That's it.
Run headlines.
See, we've all learned something, haven't we?
And you know what I'm in the mood for right now?
I want to learn some more ridiculous phrases in Spanish.
Let's go.
Now you can learn some Spanish
phrases that don't really
make much
sense.
Los pies son más listos que una trompeta.
Your feet are smarter than a trumpet.
No vece una hasta ligera encinta.
Don't kiss
a
pregnant light pole.
Those are some phrases for you.
And they don't make much sense.
Don't be ridiculous.
Well, of course we were ridiculous.
Those are some ridiculous phrases in Spanish.
Let's learn maybe some not so ridiculous phrases in Spanish.
If you know it, how about you?
You know any phrases in Spanish?
I want to know what Santa Anna song you're going to play this morning.
You know what?
Why don't we do oye como va?
Because obviously it's Spanish phrase and it was originally done.
Do you know who originally did oye como va?
No,
I don't.
Tito Puente.
Really?
Yeah, and you know, we should also talk about the translation of Oye Comovad.
You know what it is?
Somebody who spoke Spanish told me that song was about going to a bar.
No, they're a dope.
You remember who they were and go call them a dope?
No, it was, uh, it's, hey, let's go cow tipping.
Okay, no, it's not.
I'm kidding you.
I got you hooked on that fish.
No, it's actually, hey, how is it going?
I'll buy that one.
Yeah, that one.
Hey, how is it going?
So yeah, you sing the English translation of Oyaykoma Va when I'm playing it.
Okay.
That'll sound awkward.
I love awkward.
I wonder what Spanish for cow tipping is.
I'll have to do some research.
I'll let you know before I wrap this thing up, okay?
I promise.
But we're gonna be talking to more folks and learning more Spanish phrases and words as well as ridiculous words and phrases.
But right now though, you know, there are Cinco things.
I think we should call this Cinco things you didn't know you needed to hear today.
What do you
think?
You didn't know you needed to hear.
With Mike Waters.
It's Cinco things.
Apparently they didn't get the memo.
Thanks.
Thanks for nothing.
Okay, let's talk about, this is crazy.
I like to put a crazy story right at the beginning.
So tourist in Hawaii, what happened was she was following her GPS's directions.
I mean, she really trusted these things.
She followed them directly into the ocean.
This was just last Saturday.
And it happened at a boat ramp.
and a bunch of guys had to jump in and save her before her minivan completely sank within a few minutes.
And her passenger also made it out.
Thank God.
Here's audio from a bystanders phone.
Oh boy.
Are you sure that wasn't supposed to happen?
Pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen.
All right, guys.
Hurry.
Oh, my God.
Everybody's out.
Everybody's out.
Oh, it's sinking.
I mean, I don't think that was supposed to happen.
And she said later that she was following her GPS while trying to find a boat tour to go check out cement arrays.
How about this?
This only in Florida.
A man wins a women's poker tournament.
He's getting some heat after competing in this women's poker tournament and winning.
His name is David Hughes.
He was allowed to enter this all-female tournament alongside 82 women.
Here's a lady at the event talking a little trash to this
guy.
I don't know if you can tell here.
She's the only guy in this lady's event.
So I put a $300 bounty on his head and then Tanra and her husband matched it.
So there's a $600 bounty on his head.
He's already busted twice.
So we love him for that.
Thank you Dave.
Good luck.
Not really.
Wow, bounty on his head!
I don't- she might have been serious.
It's- it's Florida!
And by the way, Florida Casino's by lock cannot ban men from entering into a women's tournament.
Okay, well whatever.
I want to tell you about this flight.
Things at the airport just seemed to be getting crazier and crazier and crazier.
So this has to do with a swarm of bees.
I think it was a Delta?
Was it a Delta?
A flight was delayed because there were bees on the wing and they tried a ton of stuff to get them to buzz off.
And it was a huge swarm and it's not quite clear why they were there.
They wouldn't allow the plane to board until the bees were gone.
So there's a passenger who was live tweeting the whole situation from the terminal and it's pretty funny actually.
So I'm just gonna give you the tweets as she wrote them.
Tweet number one, the gate agent says they're bringing in a beekeeper.
Number two, tweet two, beekeeper cancels.
They're not allowed to touch airplanes.
Tweet three, they're going to call pest control.
Sadly, the bees may be killed.
Tweet four, the bees will be spared.
Pest control can't spray planes.
Tweet 5.
Captain says they're looking for a hose to spray them off, but can't find one.
Tweet 6.
Captain says the fire department can't come.
He does not know why not.
Tweet 7.
Gate Agent announces they don't have another B-free plane to sub in.
Tweet 8.
Grounds crew tries to blow exhaust from a vehicle onto the wingtip.
Bees were not impressed.
Tweet 9.
Wish you could hear people here on the phone trying to explain why our flight is delayed.
Tweet 10.
Flight crew leaves.
Delta seems to be throwing in the towel and gives the gate to another flight, meaning the passengers are stuck for now.
Tweet 11.
Turn on the plane to move it out of the gate and all the bees leave.
Yes, all they had to do the whole time is turn on the plane's engine and the bees would buzz off.
And finally, tweet 12, the bee plane moves to another gate.
The bee passengers are told to meet the plane at that gate.
The plane takes off three hours late and makes it to Atlanta safely and bee free.
There you go.
Oh man, what a frustrating situation that would have to be.
And finally, I have to ask you, do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
You know, there is a safe and natural way to feel better, and I've got it right here for
you.
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
You sometimes wish you were more assertive.
You answered yes to any of these questions.
Ask your doctor and pharmacist about tequila.
Tequila
is the
safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.
Tequila can cause you to ease out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice
the benefits of tequila almost immediately.
Stop hiding and start living with tequila.
Tequila may not be right for everyone.
Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use tequila.
However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try tequila.
Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, loss of your wife, loss of your husband, ah, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, desire to sing karaoke and play all night.
Oh boy, how do you
feel about Tequila?
Tequila makes me horny and mean.
I think that's five things.
Five things you didn't know you needed to hear.
There you go, I scour the internet and I whittle it down to really five necessary things you need to know that people aren't, of course, on the news and whatever, yapping all about all the time.
So those were the big five.
All right, before we wrap this up, I really want to talk to a few more people because, you know, that's my favorite part of the show is talking to you and learning something.
I always learn something from you.
And today it's been Spanish words and phrases.
So, uh, give it to me.
Lay it on me.
Well, you know, it's the last name Guerrero.
You'd assume I'm Mexican.
Yeah, which is true.
I am.
Okay.
It's tango muchas problemas con monos locos en urbano.
Yeah, let's see.
Uh, I'm having crazy problems in the bathroom.
Is that what that means?
I have many problems with crazy monkeys in the bathroom.
Oh, is that, is that something that happens often over in Mexico?
Yeah.
Well, you know monkeys.
They're like, uh, they're good at flinging poo.
Oh, I certainly know that.
Yes.
Monkeys have a brown belt and who flung poo?
Oh, you killed me.
I'm dropping my kid off at school.
I don't have a good day at school.
Oh, good idea.
You know, if you were dropping your kids off at the pool, I'd think you'd be doing something else with the monkeys.
That's right.
Crazy monkeys in the bathroom.
You can always pretend I'm them.
Well put.
Amen.
Oh, senior Miguel.
That's what
they did.
Uh, Cinco de Mayo, Sr.
Yes,
Cinco de Mayo, C, E, Sr.
Where are you yelling from, holla
notes?
Uh, I'm yelling in
Wisconsin.
Oh, so, okay, so did you leave your phone in Iowa and you're yelling at your phone from Wisconsin in your truck?
Okay.
Okay.
All right then.
So, uh, what's your Cinco de Mayo like there, holla notes?
Uh, I don't
know.
You don't know.
You had to be planning something.
Okay, how about if I go home tonight and have a couple margaritas?
Okay, all right.
You know what?
I think that sounds like that would take care of things wonderfully.
And I'll stop at the Mexican restaurant today and give me enchiladas.
If you like bean enchiladas.
Yeah, never mind.
All right, but can I play you a song, hollanoats?
Well, it's Cinco de Mayo and we're doing
I'm
doing good.
How are you?
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Happy Cinco de Mayo to you.
This is Rockin' Rosa and
I just want to
give a shout out to all those roses out there.
All right, to all the roses.
I know Rosa is a Spanish or Mexican name.
Are you?
It is.
It is.
And it certainly is a beautiful name.
Thank you.
My mom named me.
That's awesome.
So you were saying you wanted what like a word from a movie?
translated probably um saturday
night life yeah um when john divulges says i'm gonna strut
oh from uh saturday
night fever i'm sorry
i'm gonna strut
yep
yeah at the
end of the movie
yeah let's see what the spanish translation of that is okay you're ready here we go it's correctly pronounced
me voy a pabonear
did you get that let's hear it again me
voy a pabonear
me voy a
Mivoia Pavanir.
All right, you have a good
morning.
It is a good song.
It's not Spanish.
It's French, but would you like to have a little vert with me?
It's the translation I know of
that song.
He has something like that.
Yeah,
yeah.
It's about sexy times.
That's French for sexy time.
Okay, then afternoon delight would be fine.
Okay.
So whether it's French or
or English you don't care.
No, no.
As long as sexy time is involved someplace, you're fine
with it.
All right, thanks to some and not thanks to others.
No, I'm kidding.
Thank you to everybody.
I appreciate you tuning in.
I appreciate you calling in this morning.
You have a great weekend.
Don't get too crazy for the Cinco de Mayo.
All right, I want to catch you back here Monday morning, 5 30 to 10 right here on the waters.
Wake up call and thank you for listening to the morning
meltdown.
Every Monday through Friday, 5.30 to 10, right
here.
