The Waters Wake Up Call In a Nutshell

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer.

Internet included.

A great central downtown location.

One to five bedroom apartments.

And no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station apartments.

Now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

apartment?

Hey, water's here from the Water's Wake Up Call.

Oh, there goes another Monday.

Eh, sayonara.

But it was fun.

It's always fun hanging with you, even on a Monday.

And what I try to do, I try to get you up and going in a positive, upbeat kind of way, which is tough in this world, especially on a Monday.

But we had some fun this morning, I'm telling ya.

So here's what I thought I'd do.

I'm gonna do a new daily podcast called the Water's Wake Up Call in a Nutshell, or not in a Nutshell, I don't know, one of those.

And I thought I'd give you a little taste of what we did each day.

Like today, we celebrated National Scream Day.

Had a little scream and help from the who on that.

And I was looking to update the water's wake up call catchphrase.

The one for 2022 was the dork with the fork.

Cause you know, I'm always hanging out with my, my plastic fork buddy.

But I thought we'd update for 2023.

And oh, you gave me so much help with that.

Plus we did the bright side at 550.

We did hit and run.

Headlines at 650.

We did the five things at 730.

It was booming with stuff.

So what say we kick this thing off like we kick off every Waters Wake Up call at 550.

Let's hear from the bright

side.

with Mike Waters on 1057 KOKZ.

All right, we gotta talk about this teenager.

And by the way, Bright Side, sponsored by Wong Collision Center.

So this teen, and people say, you know, these kids these days, well, I find so many Bright Sides highlighting good kids.

And last Monday,

Walker Breitz is this kid's name.

He's a senior baseball player from East Mecklenburg High School in Charlotte, North Carolina.

And he was on his way home from practice when he came to this car crash.

A UPS driver had suffered a seizure and crashed into a tree, as other cars just passed by, as some people do.

The 18-year-old risked his own safety, rushed to help and climbed

over the driver to put the truck into park.

So later in the week, Breitz was recognized by his school district for his life-saving heroics.

Before a ball game last Wednesday, Charlotte Mecklenburg Schools awarded Breitz the Purple Heart Student Lifesaver Award.

East Mecklenburg High Head Coach and athletic director Jason Fowler, he read a letter from a bystander who recounted the teen's brave and honorable act.

So, Breed says he doesn't see himself as a hero, and he just felt compelled to act when he saw this crash.

He just thought, well, it's the thing to do, even though everybody else was passing by, he thinks...

This is the thing to do.

What a good kid.

So he was able to identify the driver's seizure and knew just what to do because of his own experiences with epilepsy.

So he was grateful to be in a position to help saying, I'm just glad that I was able to be there.

And I'm sure the driver was as well.

But again, what a good kid.

We got to give a shout out to Walker Breitz, hero in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Good senior kid.

Good.

good athlete, good, all of that.

So there you go.

There is a bright sign for an early Monday morning.

That should get you off on a positive note.

Sponsored by Wong Collision Center on Highway 151 in Fairfax.

Wong Collision Center, where quality is their priority.

Now everybody

sing.

There you see, you feel better, don't you?

And let's go from the bright side to hit-and-run headlines.

About the

headlines?

Yeah, that meant hit-and-run this

morning.

Those are jerk headlines.

So a new study is claiming wearing a face mask too long can lead to testicular dysfunction.

I kid you not, I kid you not.

But then again, if you're still wearing a mask everywhere you go, I doubt you're doing much and getting it on anyway, if you know what I mean.

So Delaware will become the 22nd state to legalize recreational marijuana.

Finally, there's something to do in Delaware.

SpaceX described their rocket explosion as, and I'm quoting, a rapid, unscheduled disassembly, which I think was also last night's headliner at Coachella.

So residents of Coridone, Indiana, and I've said this, but it's worth mentioning again.

They're very sad to see that one of their favorite stores, Butt Drugs, is closing.

I know it's a sad, sad day.

Apparently nobody told them that these days you can take most of your meds orally.

Not surprisingly, Butt Drugs top-selling product, Preparation H.

The official animal of Scotland is the unicorn.

Just in case you needed more proof that the Scots are heavy drinkers.

So the team behind Stranger Things is working on a show where residents of a retirement community have to band together and fight an enemy from another world.

I think it'll be called Stranger Things.

We're better in my day, you damn kids.

We'll never understand.

Episode one, I think, is I've fallen into the upside down and I can't get up.

Cedric, the entertainer, turns 59 today.

Happy birthday, Cedric.

He always gets lots of gifts.

Although, as usual, the least expensive one will come from his cousin, Cedric, the public school teacher.

The entertainer of the public school.

Today is New Kids on the Block Day.

Who else is excited?

The guys had planned to celebrate the day together, but Danny Wood couldn't get the day off from Applebee's.

Ah, that's too bad, Danny.

All right, well, that's all I got.

If you don't feel like you've just been hit and run, you're doing it wrong.

Well, let's really update you on some things going on with the five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

The five things you didn't know you needed to hear with Mike Waters.

Hey, and thanks to our brand new sponsor.

Brought to you by people who don't return their shopping carts.

Continuing to be selfless champions of laziness and entitlement.

Indeed, India, thank you for that important word.

Okay, so I don't know if you've heard about this or not, but New York is experimenting with robotic trash cans that prompt you to use them.

They're mobile, they're equipped with cameras, they roam public spaces persuading people to use them instead of leaving their trash on the ground.

And you know, you know what I think a New York City robot garbage can would sound like?

I think it would sound something like this.

Hey, turn for brains.

Pick up your trash.

I'm standing right here.

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

You see another talking garbage can standing here?

Come on, slugger.

Reach down, pick it up, and toss it over.

You call it trash, I call it lunch.

Yeah.

There.

Was that so hard?

Now get lost, you filthy jamoke.

You

know, I think every state or city needs to come up with their own.

Of course, that would be a terrible one for Iowa.

We'd have to come up with something totally different.

All right.

Speaking of garbage, butt drugs will now be trash because they're going away.

I don't know if you've seen, they've been involved in a lot of memes and things on social media.

And there really is a place called Butt Drugs in an Indiana town and they've been around for, I don't know, 71 to 72 years, something like that.

And they're closing their doors.

And I think we have a reporter on the scene at Butt Drugs.

Butt Drugs is closing after 71 years.

People in the town are bummed.

We heard the owners were behind and must have really been feeling the pinch.

Having a bad location also wrecked them.

One thing for sure about butt drugs, they always had your back.

They no longer had a booty and it hurt their bottom line.

The remaining employees got canned and were forced to go out the back door.

They'll probably knock down the building and the only thing left will be asphalt.

And as the old saying goes,

When one butt closes, another one opens.

Reporting from the rear entrance of Butt Drugs, I'm Ben Dover.

With a name like that, I think that's the only story he'll ever do for us.

So thanks for that, Ben.

You want to hear their jingle?

By the way, and this is real.

This is the real

jingle.

You know who else is going away?

Bed Bath and Beyond.

Maybe call them Bed Bath and Great Beyond now.

And those big blue coupons, gone!

They've been struggling.

We've been hearing about it.

And yesterday they declared bankruptcy.

It's the end.

They are liquidating.

The coupons will only be good through tomorrow.

And they'll stop accepting gift cards on May 8th.

Finally, do you wish you were taller?

Are you one of those you just think you're short and you hear people making the jokes all the time?

Well, now you can be taller.

There is something called leg lengthening and it's becoming more common.

I think almost every story I've used today has just sounded like a joke, but this is absolutely true.

Leg lengthening surgeries are becoming a thing NBC News just did this big profile on a 26 year old guy who went from five seven to five ten But it was it was not an easy process They break both legs insert rods that lengthen them over several months Months and you're basically disabled for a while and it's it's not cheap either.

It's like around a hundred

thousand dollars to be taller now I wouldn't use something like this maybe to become shorter I am so sick I'm so sick of you short people asking me to reach things on the shelf and ducking under doors it's just it's hell let me tell you but like I said earlier oh well I think that's five

things

thank you i needed to hear that

and again thanks for your help with the waters wake up call catchphrase 2023 okay see

we're listening to water for the class of the trip to dentists

almost better than a root canal

oh those

hurt it's almost better

almost

back yeah uh four out of five dentists agree five out of four university of iowa math majors agree do yeah do the math

yeah do the math yeah i like i like the dentist one though too that's great it's like pulling teeth listening to that guy

my catchphrase for you i believe that when you walk into a room they should play turn up the radio by autograph and then when it stops you look at everybody and you scream dino bite

Yeah.

I

think that would be very appropriate for you.

All right.

So you'd have the music slash the good old school catchphrase.

There you go.

There we go.

I'm

going to be perfect for you, because you know what?

You're Mr. Music to me, so I think that would open the door for you.

Hey, that would be good.

Hey, how about this?

Instead of dynamite, we can go TNT.

and steal from, uh, ACDC and then that could be, you

know... Yeah.

Well, thanks,

man.

Turn up the radio.

I think that'd be, I think that'd be perfect.

And maybe I could yell, uh, good night, nurse!

I know, I

think Archie Bunker only spoke at once, but, uh, boy, we both remember

that.

every time she got upset.

That's right.

That's

funny.

Have a good day, Mike.

I don't know if anybody said this yet or not, but I think it should be.

Let's get Mikey.

He'll eat anything.

I think that'd be perfect.

The commercial always said, uh, Mikey won't eat it.

He hates everything.

And then they're surprised when he likes it, but I like everything and I'll eat it.

Maybe that's it.

I'm like a, I'm a human garbage disposal.

So yeah,

I like that one because I've got teased all.

the time when I was a kid because of that stinking commercial.

That's

right.

Or maybe go from life serial to life alert and say, you know, I've fallen and I can't get up.

Maybe something to do with that revise that one.

Something like, uh, I lost my funky and I can't get

down.

Hello there!

Make my day!

Burning daylight.

What was the second one?

We're burning daylight.

Oh, we're burning daylight!

Both those are good.

How about instead of the eastwood make my day, how about make my bed?

Go ahead, make my bed.

Sure.

Sure, why not?

Thanks for the suggestions, man.

Those are awesome.

I'll get you up in the morning.

That's what she said.

Oh,

no.

Yeah,

that'd

be another good one.

You're

not just losing, but you yourself would be a loser.

Thanks for not being a loser yourself.

Alright, thanks,

man.

I sang my catchphrase to you.

It's the best I can do.

I love

it.

I know you do.

And did you sing those national scream day today?

Yes.

Instead of me screaming, I always play, they won't fool me again.

Well, here's the thing.

I think we should make this the Iowa Scream Moment of National Scream Day.

I think we all scream along to that.

We get our aggressions out, and then we can move on with the week.

You are 100% right as you.

Right on, man.

Thanks for calling with the catchphrase and the scream.

and good lord, you were useful today, weren't you?

Have a great day.

Here's waters!

Yes, or we could combine the life cereal thing and here's Mikey, he likes it.

We'll have a little tonight show, a little cereal in there, a little night, a little morning.

Coffee and cowbell.

Yes, hold on.

The best part of waking up is coffee and cowbell.

But thanks for listening.

I'll catch you back here tomorrow morning, Tuesday, and we're gonna do a little southern fried rock and roll, Tuesday.

It all starts at 6-10.

Every Monday through Friday, 5-30 to 10, right

here.

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.

Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.

That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.

Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?