Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Sat Apr 15, 2023
Who used all the Wi-Fi?
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.
Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
I'm going
to go to the water.
I'm going to go to the water.
I'm going to go to the water.
I'm going to go to the water.
I'm going to go to the water.
I'm going to go to the water.
I'm going to go to the water.
I'm going to go to the water.
I don't know what it was, but everybody was just stressed.
And then we got into Toon's Day, and everybody seemed to be a little bit cooler, a little bit more happy, and a much better mood as we were getting into the dance Toons, because this past week was National Dance Week.
So I thought we'd play some Toons to get us up off our butts and do our thing, shake our groove thing into Wandom Wednesday when it just like anything goes and throwback Thursday.
Continue with the dance theme and the dance clubs the the bars he used to go to when you were you know a young adult and Sometimes being stupid and yeah, I remember that I'm still a little stupid and then on Friday We just kind of sat back cranked some tunes and laughed our way through the morning because it was national moment of laughter day because really what better way to get ready for the weekend than Laugh a little have a good time, but you know as with any not great, but best he could come up with
from last week's show, we have to start with Monday and the stress, just to get rid of it as we go through the week.
So, we will have a little stressful Monday coming at you right after.
I lined my pockets with a little cash for the weekend, so a little something from the sponsor.
Today's show is brought to you by the tone of voice in your head.
You know what I'm talking about.
In your mind, when you're talking, you sound like this.
But in reality, your voice probably sounds more like this.
Take a breath and think before you spew.
He'll thank me
later.
I know your stress, aren't you?
Yes, I am from Easter.
Our family came down.
A couple of my relatives, they think they're better than what everybody else is.
Yeah.
And they're richer.
And they're bragging about it yesterday, right in front of me.
And I was just about ready to turn around and tell them to shut
up.
How are they bragging about their money?
Talk about what they had and what they had in the bank.
Trying to make us feel downer and adults.
People like that who throw the money in your face, you know they're not happy,
right?
Exactly.
They act like they got their head down.
Get up there, up there, Bakusta.
They're Bakusta?
Yes.
Is that like a button, but for rich people?
Yep.
Okay, so that's an extra expensive bottom.
Yeah, and I didn't mean to swear on the radio either.
I don't think Bakusta has been recognized as a profanity as of yet.
Or they come...
Yeah that that I don't think we can talk about.
Let's keep with Bacousta.
Oh yeah that sounds good to me.
Monday morning we were also having a little discussion on things you've accidentally left on your car while you drive away you know whether whether you forgot to bring the milk in with you and it sat on the top of your car as you drove away and it fell onto the street or maybe your lunch was up there but I'll tell you Farmer Dave gave me a call and he forgot to do something a little bit different with his car.
Dave?
So
you drove off, but the hose still attached.
And with you saying that, I've always wondered what would happen if I accidentally left the nozzle in the gas tank of my car when it ripped the
pump off.
I'm sure you went back and admitted your stupidity.
Yep.
Give them the holes back.
That was kind of an embarrassing moment.
And here I thought you were perfect, Farmer Dave, and you just totally ruined my perception of you.
I knew you'd have to have that.
So it'd make you feel better, but at least you got something to hold against
me now.
See, I told you all that stress and frustration would just melt off you after that, right?
I think that did the trick.
Anyway, we'll move along to Tuesday where we celebrated National Dance Week with some, well,
I'll let you guess what kind of tunes we played, but we'll take care of that right after we get into hit and run headlines, and we'll do hit and run headlines right after I line my pockets with a little bit more sponsor money.
Today's show is brought to you by Dayquil, who reminds you of the time you accidentally took Nightquil and then figured out your mistake when you were halfway to work.
That was not good.
All
right, and here are the best hit and run headlines.
This is the best I could do from last last week.
Prince Andrew may write a memoir to restore his reputation, but I doubt it will since the memoir is called Tuesdays with Jeffrey Epstein.
So there's a new study that says men exaggerate the size of their manhood more than you think.
Wait, let me correct that.
Other men, other men exaggerate the size of their manhood more than you would think.
I think that's how that should be phrased.
So a whale kept captive in a Miami aquarium for 50 years will be released.
The whale says she can't wait to Netflix and Krill.
Whatever that means.
The International Association of Exorcists is now upset about the new movie, The Pope's Exorcist.
I didn't even know they had an association.
They say it paints an unrealistic portrait of their fake jobs.
So there's a truck carrying toxic soil you remember that you remember the whole trained derailment over in East Palestine that trained derailment Well, this was a truck carrying toxic soil from that site that guess what overturned Yeah, and by the way, it was the driver's fault for listening to the Benny Hill soundtrack
So Nick Cage got his teeth shaved for his role as Dracula and and then he had them expanded for his next role as Gary Busey Experts are claiming that climate change is causing more home runs Specifically by making Cuba so hot that citizens defect to the US and bat cleanup
So a cruise line is offering a three-year cruise that visits 135 countries and exposes you to 278 variants of the Norovirus.
A Florida man.
Oh, you know, it's gonna be crazy when it starts out.
A Florida man has been arrested after police say he threw chicken wings at his wife during an argument.
Even worse, he hogged all the dipping sauce.
You know, this last week we celebrated Thomas Jefferson's birthday.
You know, if Jefferson were alive today, he would be 280 years old and still look much more dynamic and vibrant than current presidents.
And sadly, you know, more than half of Americans think his wife's name was Wheezy and they lived in a deluxe apartment in the sky.
So after three years off Matthew McConaughey now says returning to acting feels like a vacation.
Hell after three years at home with my family hitting the front lines in Ukraine would feel more like a vacation.
And finally Will Smith started filming Bad Boys 4 in A. Atlanta B. Los Angeles or C. A hopeless attempt to save his reputation.
You know, I'm always so out of breath after that.
Well, let's get right into Tunes Day, celebrating National Dance Week, and we did dance tunes.
Duh.
Good morning.
Good morning.
How are you?
I am Greek.
Excellent.
You know what'd be greater?
Uh, what?
Disco duck.
Disco, disco duck.
I actually have it on vinyl.
It's
great.
Yeah, wow.
Somebody who has disco duck on vinyl.
Like from 76 or more recent?
No, it's pretty old.
It's gotta be from 76, yes.
When you sing
along,
do you do the duck voice?
I have a stepfather that can do it great.
I cannot.
Well, you should take some lessons and then once you've mastered it, you should call back.
Maybe do a duet with your stepfather.
Oh,
goodness.
All right.
Yes.
You promised to do that and I'll get disco duck on for you.
Okay.
So that would mean I would have sung Cecilia to you.
Yes.
And get the Hawaiian song.
Yes.
Oh,
that's right.
I forgot about the Hawaiian song.
Yes.
Yeah, that was something.
Yeah, it sure was.
I think I've got that in the archives somewhere.
We're
on our way to the Riviera
Maya.
Where is the Riviera Maya?
South of Cancun.
So don't tell me you're traveling from Cancun to the Riviera Maya as we speak.
No, no, we're still in
Iowa.
Wow, driving all the way from Iowa.
That's gotta be a hell of a drive.
We're headed to
Minneapolis and gonna fly over.
Sounds like a great trip.
How long are you gonna be gone?
A week.
It's our 45th.
Happy anniversary.
That's awesome.
Yeah, that's cool.
And if you see Juan, tell him I say hello.
Juan or Dora?
There's a lady called Dora that we're supposed
to see.
Dora, if you're more of an explorer type.
There you go.
So what's gonna get you dancing to Mexico, my friend?
How about band on the run?
Well, you and your band of crazies better get on the run.
I don't want you to miss your flight.
Oh, you betcha, you betcha.
Oh, you bet.
There you go.
That's my favorite Mexican phrase right there.
go.
The hustle.
The hustle.
Can you, can you tell me who does the hustle?
Good
luck.
It's
Van McCoy.
Somebody actually called me with that one time and said it was Van Halen.
I said it's not Van Halen.
It's not Van Halen.
It's not Van Morrison.
It's Van McCoy.
Van McCoy, along with Van Morrison, those are the Irish vans.
Van McCoy!
I'm sure he talks like this.
I think it was a leprechaun of some sort.
But anyway, enough of this witty banter.
Hustle but not too fast
to work.
I don't
want you to be pulled over for speeding.
I hope you're not tired from all that dancing with the tunes day thing, because we'll have more dancing coming up.
But Wandom Wednesday, how about we take care of Wandom Wednesday when we come back right after?
Well, I need more money for the weekend.
So we'll do it right after this.
Today's show is brought to you by people who don't return their shopping carts.
Continuing to be selfless champions of laziness and entitlement.
Well, that was Wandom, huh?
Oh, and speak of the devil has this for a segue.
Let's get into Wandom Wednesday.
You know, one of the things we were talking about, elevators, and who would be the worst person to be stuck in an elevator with?
I was trapped in the elevator due to having to polish all the brass in the elevator on an army bait.
I don't know if you are familiar with Brasso and the fumes, but it...
I
am.
Were
you seeing
things?
You know, like the little men who would come out and start poking you and laughing and...
Not quite, but in the process of polishing it, it was where all of the...
upper brass were stationed with their offices.
Yeah.
And when you're a private in the military, you have to come to attention when you see Sergeant or above.
put a colonel on the elevator.
You're trying to stand still after all of these fumes.
And by the time I was done, I'm glad that this colonel had a good sense of humor because we were both laughing.
Oh, well, that's good.
But here's my question.
Did you have to polish him since he was upper brass while he was on the elevator with you?
No.
Not that kind of brass.
No.
They could take care of themselves.
OK.
This was just because I think I was a little mouthy.
Hi, I have an elevator story for you.
Oh
When I was about eight or ten years old, my parents and I were in Las Vegas and we got into our hotel elevator and this huge guy gets in the elevator with us and says, what floor is your room on?
And we said like the 26th floor and he says, oh no, the last time I got in an elevator only made it to the 20th floor.
It was it was Hulk Hogan.
That's cool.
So he was kidding with you.
Is that is
that?
Yeah, yeah, he was just teasing us.
That's funny.
So you were in an elevator with Hulk Hogan.
Yes, we were in an elevator with Hulk Hogan.
And did you know who it was at the time at eight or ten years old?
Yeah, I knew who it was.
Were you with your parents?
Were they big wrestling fans or?
We were with my parents.
It was me, my parents and my sister.
And we knew who he was, but we weren't real real big.
wrestling fans, but,
know, he was so nice.
He just started talking with us then, you know, and it was kind of his way of breaking ice, I guess, but he was really nice.
That's good, because, yeah, I mean, he's going to get on the elevator and probably think, oh, these people will know who I am.
It'll get awkward.
So
he probably comes up with that kind of thing and probably works really well.
He seems like a kind of an affable guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was super nice.
Okay.
Well, good, because it could have gone the other way and you could have gotten body
Yeah, that's awesome.
Thanks for that.
Appreciate
it.
Yeah, no
problem.
Hey, and I got a little surprise on Wandom Wednesday.
Carrie from Dicer.
It was good finally meeting her.
She's been calling in for a couple of years and she decided to bring me farm fresh eggs.
I didn't want to just like stand out there and knock on the window and going, you want eggs?
Hell is that?
I would love to meet you and I thought, hey, maybe he would like some eggs.
That's
very generous.
The only part of an
I really should stay away from is the yolk.
That's the best part.
The best part of things are the things you're not supposed to eat.
This stuff that tastes crappy.
Oh, it's good for you.
Have a ton of it.
But the cake and ice cream over there, you eat it, you die.
Immediately.
You're done.
I look forward to some farm fresh eggs.
I
know.
It's so delicious.
Yeah.
Do you guys grow
hash browns?
No, no hash browns.
We do a little beef.
We got some chickens.
Pancakes?
No pancakes.
You don't grow pancakes?
No.
I'll just take a couple eggs, uh, like, over easy.
Okay.
I can do that for you.
Hey, how about that?
Carrie from Dicert, everybody.
Thank you, Carrie.
That was very nice of you.
I'm still enjoying the eggs, by the way.
That will get us into Throwback Thursday, where we continue talking about Dance Week, but, uh, this time we were talking about some of those dance clubs and bars we used to go to when we were young adults and young and stupid and fancy-free, and, but first,
I want to do the five things.
Now, I do it a little bit differently at the end of the week.
I do the five things you didn't know you needed to hear from last week.
We'll get into that right after a message from the Internal Revenue Service.
Sorry, gun in my bag.
I have to do
it.
And now, the hardest woman in the world doing your taxes.
Do you have all your documents?
You don't even have all your documents?
Oh, it's getting hot in here.
You mind if I turn down the thermostat?
I'm so hot.
No problem at all.
That's the hottest woman in the world doing your taxes.
And in my commitment to equal time, this one's for the ladies.
And now, the hottest guy in the world does your taxes.
Well, let's take a look at your documents.
Hey, it's getting a little hot in here.
Do you mind if I take off my shirt?
No problem at all.
Because that's the hottest guy in the world.
Doing your
taxes.
things you didn't know you needed to hear with Mike Waters.
And right into the first thing this is a viral video and I claimed at one point that this was our afternoon guy Jeff Winfield who was married to our midday person Don Johnson.
I claimed this was them on this ATV.
Husband and wife off-roading in this ATV when they went into some water which started seeping into the vehicle the husband then calmly put it in reverse to
pull out safely, and the wife, on the other hand, was sure they were about to die.
Listen.
Jeff, what do we do?
You know, she's...
Thinking maybe she's gonna die and then once she knows she's not gonna die it all becomes about the mud in her shoes I think you'd be counting your blessings at that point, but whatever and on to thing number two now Would you try healthy cottage cheese ice cream?
You know at this point I would just because I've had to really watch my diet since my heart episode About a year and a half ago, but here's this tiktok food trend
blowing up, totally blowing up, and it's healthy, protein loaded, cottage cheese based ice cream, but this is a tiktoker, Lainey Cooks, giving a quick strawberry cheesecake flavored cottage cheese ice cream recipe, listen.
I still can't get over this healthy ice cream hack that has almost 60 grams of protein.
You can make the creamiest ice cream by blending good cottage cheese with maple syrup, honey, or any sweetener of your choice.
I even added strawberries this time to the mix to make a strawberry cheesecake flavor.
Did you catch
all that?
You know, I think along with that, I think, I think Laney Cooks is also doing some speed.
But who am I to judge?
Let's move along to thing number three.
This next story comes from Wandom Wednesday.
It was National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day, and there's a restaurant,
and they brought back the Guinness Book of World Records most expensive sandwich and just I hope you're sitting down for this.
It's a $214 grilled cheese and it needs to be ordered two days in advance so that all of the ingredients can be delivered to the restaurant.
This is chef Joe Calderon going through all of the ingredients in the sandwich.
Here it
is.
We start with bread, and this is not your ordinary bread.
This is a French Pullman loaf that is baked with Dom Perignon Champagne, 24-carat edible gold flakes.
We're going to take a little bit of white truffle oil, just baste the bread.
Then we are going to slather it in grass-fed butter that's infused with white truffles.
This cheese here is Cacio Cavallo Porolico cheese.
sandwich is ready
now that's a grilled cheese right there two hundred and fourteen dollars nope
Onto thing number four comes from Throwback Thursday, and this is just scary right here.
I really should let you know about this.
Scammers used an AI cloning program to convince this mother in Arizona that her daughter had been kidnapped.
So the program was able to replicate the team daughter's voice, but then fortunately the family was able to quickly investigate and find out it was a fake.
So this is Jennifer DeStefano.
DeStefano.
She's talking about getting the terrifying phone call with her daughter's fake voice, claiming that she had been kidnapped.
I pick up the phone and I hear my daughter's voice and it says, Mom, I messed up and she's sobbing and crying.
And then I hear a man's voice say, put your head back, lie down.
And this man gets on the phone and he's like, I've got your daughter.
This is how it's going to go down.
You call the police.
You call anybody.
I'm going to pop her stomachs, hopeful it drugs.
I'm going to have my way with her and I'll drop her off in Mexico.
In the background, she's going, help me, Mom.
I never doubted for one second it was her.
That is scary.
Is that scary?
Yes.
On to thing number five.
I think this is probably my favorite story of the week.
There was a truck full of dimes in Philadelphia.
Two million dimes valued at around 200 grand stolen while the driver was sleeping.
Yeah, and apparently he was sleeping on his employer's dime.
If you know what I mean.
But anyway, here is Captain Jack Ryan of Northeast Detectives breaking down what happened during the robbery and other things he's seen stolen from trucks.
It's normal in the trucking industry.
Like they would pick up a load.
There's rules about how much you can drive, etc.
So they have to get their required sleep.
We've had lamb, chicken, TVs, refrigerators.
What
on earth would you be doing with all of those dimes?
Can somebody please tell me?
Yeah, you got a
plan?
Blazing Saddles, one of the best movies around.
I know
exactly what you're
talking about.
Are you with me?
Oh, yeah.
What does he say exactly?
Somebody go get me a
something
of dimes.
Oh, I laughed so hard when I heard that.
I gotta get a call in for you.
Yes, somebody give me a bleep load of dimes.
But you know, I think that's five things.
Five things you didn't know you needed to hear.
And straight into throwback Thursday, we continued celebrating
National Dance Week by talking about some of those dance clubs, dance halls, bars that we would go into when we were young and looking for love and hopefully all the right places.
But it was great hearing about some of these clubs that you would go to back in the
day.
They opened up a bar called the beginnings, promoting up and coming bands.
And I still remember the night we went in to see this obscure band and they had the weirdest name.
I'll bet I know this band, don't I?
Dire Strait.
Right before they dropped Soltans of Swing.
So you weren't that
impressed?
Well, they opened with Soltans of Swing and we're like, okay, this is kind of cool.
Yeah.
And then as the concert went on, we were like, oh man, these guys are something
else.
These guys will never
make.
A few months later, they dropped the album and it just shot through the roof.
Right.
We were like, we saw them then.
They were great,
man.
We saw them live.
The whole thing was just fantastic.
We were ahead of the curve.
That's funny is what that is.
Every now and then, I can pull something out of my pocket.
When you call, there's a pretty good story coming.
Well, you clearly never were one of my former girlfriends.
Nope, nope, nope.
I sure wasn't.
I may have been the girlfriend of some people, but not you.
No, what am I saying?
don't know, but it makes me laugh.
That's the goal, I guess.
Your work here is done.
Yes.
This
is JJ, alias Dynamite.
Dynamite JJ, what is happening today?
You're having some good times, I hope.
I
am.
I
am
going to mention the surf ballroom in Clare Lake, Iowa.
A legendary place
we had.
He dances every Sunday night, and it was the best.
So you had live bands.
Do you remember seeing anybody that became something?
I don't remember seeing anybody.
My memory isn't that good.
But you had a good time.
That's all that matters.
I did have a good time.
And I'm going back to Mesa City this weekend.
And I told you a couple months ago that I was going to get you pictures of the Buddy Holly crash site.
Oh, that would be awesome.
I will.
That
would be Dino Mike, JJ.
Dino Mike.
Dino Mike,
man, you have a good day.
How about College Hill in the late 80s, early 90s?
O'Jangle, Suds and Stubbs.
Say that again?
O'Jangle,
Suds and Stubbs.
Suds and Stubbs?
Stubbs, S-T-E-B-S.
What, what's Stubbs?
It was a kind of a dive bar that had a lot of local bands in there.
Oh.
All the large sizes and stuff like that.
Yeah, so three places, you kind of hit all three at some point.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, but I had a fake ID, so I was going there before I was 21, too.
I didn't hear that.
We
are
back in the past, right?
So the cops could come get you.
That's
Yeah, they might have once or twice.
We had this great two bars right across the street from each other.
This was in Moorhead, Minnesota, where I went to college.
And there was there was Kirby's.
and Ralph's so Kirby's was the place with the band so we'd go and check out the band and you know have some beers and tings and then when they are on break we go across the street to Ralph's where there were cheaper beers so we'd have like you know five of those there and then we go back across the street and watch the band some more so that was kind of a nice little twosome there of bars
oh definitely yeah yeah college hill and cedar falls there was a whole bunch of bars and we just make make our way up and down the hill
sounds like a blast
Yeah.
It was.
The good old days.
So I guess that would be the second week.
So the Friday?
Oh my God.
The week
went by
so
fast.
I don't know, 25
minutes.
it was, I
guess.
last
words?
And fun.
And it was a national
moment
of
laughter day.
So we were talking about jokes and funny movie scenes.
And I got a great call from a lady, a grandma who was driving the school bus and a couple of students in there with her, her grandkids.
Speak of the devil.
Hello?
Where's Mike Waters?
Um, I think he's in the party.
You want me to get him?
I'm driving my grandkids to school, and we're listening to him.
My grandson says, is he trying to be funny?
And I said, yeah, is he funny?
And he's eight years old.
He goes, yeah, he's funny.
And I just thought it was a good one.
That is funny.
No, this is Mike.
I'm just being difficult.
It is.
No, this is my grandson, David.
Say hi, David.
Hi.
Hi, David.
And my granddaughter, Willow.
And I work at DMG schools in Garwin.
I drive the bus.
All right, the bus driving grandma.
No, that is.
It's so awesome that they can hear your voice.
Thank you for picking up.
Well, of course, Taven and Willow are the best grandkids a grandma could ever have, right?
They are because I listened to you in the morning.
Well, then that goes without saying.
But seriously, tell Taven if he really thinks I'm funny that he's a very rare commodity in this area.
What do you think of that, Taven?
I don't
know.
All right, we have a beautiful voice, Mike.
Thanks for being there every morning.
Well, thank you very much.
That's very kind of you to say.
Okay, come on, the show's over.
Let's
go, come on.
Ah, good people.
Well, that's gonna do it.
That's Friday, so I guess that would be the end of the week.
So there you go.
That is the not great, but best he could come up with from last week podcast.
Any last words?
Are there any last words before we close shop here?
Well, I was just cleaning and listening to you, and I just thought I would take a shot out for O-Line.
Yeah, it's old wine.
Good old wine.
It's German.
It's old wine.
We are the only old wine in the world.
What is it German for?
Is it German for old wine?
That's
what I was told by the Italians.
And if anybody knows wine, Italians in French, definitely no wine.
I suppose
it's... We have a lot of Italians.
We have Hispanics.
We have... We have like a melting pot of Northeast Iowa because the hub of the railroad used to come.
and into a wine, and they needed a lot of were-world workers, so they recruited from all types of nationalities.
We're not quite as diverse as Coastal, but...
I think melting pot, with the melting pot, you toss in a few grapes and boom, you got the old wine.
Yeah, you just got to take off your shoes and, you know, squish around.
I just want to do, like, the I Love Lucy episode where her and Ethel were...
Yeah.
And Italy and they were in France and they were squishing the graves.
That would be very cool.
That's a classic scene.
Certainly is.
I know they were supposed to be in Italy or France, but I think that was filmed in all wine.
I don't know why.
It had
to be.
Right by the Leo's restaurant.
Yes.
The Leo's corner store, see.
That's right.
I think if you really pay attention, at one point they get like a sliver of it in there, but you really have to be paying attention to that scene.
Right.
Exactly.
Yes.
Okay, well, I got it.
Ah, nothing like a little BS to put a cap on things, huh?
Have a great weekend and remember, if you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it will be illegal for anybody to dig it up.
Follow me, Mike Waters, for more life hacks.
All right, and I'll see you on Monday.
Have a good weekend.
Every Monday through Friday, 5.30 to 10, right
all the Wi-Fi!
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.
Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
