The Not Great, But Best He Could Come Up with from Last Week

Hey, it's your old buddy Mike Waters with, and I don't like to call it the best of the Waters wake-up call.

It just sounds too full of itself, if you know what I mean.

So I like to call it more the not great but best I could come up with from last week podcast.

I just like to give you a little taste of what we did Monday through Friday along with I don't know what I thought were the best hit and run headlines, as well as the five things from the past week you didn't know you needed to hear.

So all that's coming up, but we'll get started with Monday and our exceedingly intelligent discussion of supporting characters from our favorite TV shows.

We'll do that right after we check in with our sponsor so I can afford eggs to color with the kids.

So just have some patience while you do it for the kids.

Like poor kids who have me as a father.

Heartbreaking, isn't it?

Easter is only two days away, and I hope you've made all the preparations necessary to welcome Mr. Costantail into your home when he arrives.

But in case you haven't, here's a few helpful tips.

Much like a vampire, he needs to be invited in.

And once he is, don't attempt to make

small talk.

He has millions of homes to visit and doesn't have time to listen to your yammering.

And whatever you do, always remember that he is a benevolent and kind demonic creature, but he has killed in the past.

And if you get in this way, he will choke you with one of the handles from a basket.

And if he bites you, you'll probably be dead before morning.

So happy Easter, everybody.

All

right, now that I got a little change in my pocket going jangling and laying, let's let's get on with Monday.

Monday, we were talking about TV.

side characters or supporting characters.

You know, the ones who, it wasn't really their show, but they stole the spotlight every time they were on.

Now this list that I found online, the number one, the number one side character of all time was Daryl Dixon on The Walking Dead.

Now,

I don't know if you're a Walking Dead fan, but Daryl Dixon's cool.

But number one, I don't know.

I think Eastern Iowa could do a little bit better.

And of course, I got some great calls with some legendary TV side characters.

What do you got?

Who can forget Reverend Jim?

Okay, talk.

How do you not love Reverend Jim?

Hey, here's a trivia question for you.

Do you know what movie he appeared in with Danny DeVito that premiered a few years earlier than Taxi premiered?

Throw mom from the train?

This was like 1975.

Oh jeez.

Yeah, one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Oh my god,

you're right.

I just seen that.

Yeah.

And

as far as I'm concerned, I'd say Kramer from Seinfeld.

Also, the Fonz on happy days.

He didn't start off as a main character.

He was very supporting.

So the Fonz has to be in there as well.

All right, that will bring us to Toons Day and we'll get into our Toons Day topic right after we do our hit and run headlines and we'll do that after another check in with our sponsor and maybe I can afford some more eggs.

At Ford, we're creating flying drones that can help jumpstart your car

battery.

Never mind the fact that we're arming AI powered flying machines with 3,000 volts of deadly power above your neighborhood.

Coming soon, our AI powered chainsaw drones for tree trimming.

Yeah, we're still working on that one.

Ford, we built the first car assembly line and will be the first with drone jumper cables.

Oh boy.

All

right, let's see what happened this week.

These are hit and run headlines from the previous week, Monday through Friday, just the best I could find.

Okay, so scientists say the moon could contain 330 billion tons of water.

The moon, cold, lifeless, and full of water, just like that Avatar sequel.

The U.S.

is recalling over 50,000 hoverboards for a fire risk.

Who knew Tesla even made hoverboards?

Police in Pennsylvania arrested a nude man who was driving a stolen school bus with a dead deer inside.

Given the details of his case, the man is said to be extradited to Florida.

is introducing a biometrics payment system that would allow customers to pay using their palm.

It seems about fair.

They get access to your private information and in exchange you get a bread bowl.

Lionel Richie says he wrote the song Lady on the toilets.

He wrote all night long on the toilet too after eating Chipotle.

California said an all-time record for snowpack this year, which means that any day now, Gwyneth Paltrow will put a new skier in traction.

Dee Snyder thinks heavy metal was destroyed by MTV Unplugged.

The rest of us just think it was destroyed by Dee Snyder.

Caprio testified on Monday at the trial of former Fuji's rapper, Praz, Prez, I don't know.

It was interesting, though, that Caprio took his oath on the most recent Victoria's Secret catalog.

A man went partially blind after being scratched by an adopted cat.

You're now with a musical recap of the event, Mr. Ted Nugent.

John is attempting to avoid bankruptcy by raising $300 million, which I think works out to a dollar for every coupon they ever mailed you.

A study found that the average first impression is made in just 27 seconds of meeting, and half that if they're wearing jorts.

Almost half of Americans are worried that artificial intelligence could end the human race.

Although if it even wants a chance, it's gonna have to catch up to the damage the Kardashians have already made.

And I don't think we need to worry about artificial intelligence as much as lack of intelligence.

And finally, Paramount says the Yellowstone sequel with Matthew McConaughey is moving forward.

In fact, he just bought himself a 10-gallon hat and a 10-gallon blong.

Of course he did.

All right, well, that's all I...

And without any further ado-doo, let's get right into our Tuesday topic.

We are expecting quite the storm on Tuesday, so I thought we'd talk storm tunes and make a storm tunes mixtape.

Hey, good morning!

Good morning!

I am just

peachy.

Peachy Keen.

So you got a good storm tune.

Riding storm out.

Riding the storm out.

That was the other one I was getting a lot of texts for as riders on the storm and riding the storm out.

Off in tune.

The live version is great with that synthesizer sound coming up like it's a storm warning.

It's a great song.

Or you can always close out with Thunderstruck.

I could, could not.

Hey, you're, you're kind of

smart.

I'm looking forward to hearing the stormy tune today.

With all these storm tunes, I really wanted to call Mrs. Waters and see if we were all ready for the storm at home.

I have our helmets ready.

Helmets are good.

Yep.

How about the hatches?

Are they battened?

Yes, they are battened.

So what are the hatches and what do you need to do to batten them?

Since you've already done it, you should probably have the exact way on how to do it.

It means that I have the helmet, I have the flashlight, I have some snare, I have the radio with

the batteries.

I have a little place set up for us in the basement.

It sounds like we're batten down, but what about the hatches?

We're not the hatches, are we?

When there's a storm, we become the

hatches.

So it has nothing to do with eggs.

No.

OK, because I thought it was an Easter thing.

No, we can't eat eggs in the basement.

I guess since that's where the litter boxes are.

Right.

Because if we're eating eggs, we might mistake something that's not sausages as sausages.

Right.

And that may be a little icky.

I think a little icky is an understatement.

A lot icky would be more like it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Oh, it's always good to hear from Mrs. Waters on the wake-up call.

You know, Tunes Day usually just careens into Wandom Wednesday, and that's exactly what it did this week.

So I'll tell you what, we're gonna get into our Wandom Wednesday topic, which, by the way, is egg substitutes, and maybe you're a little puzzled by that.

Well, you won't be.

I'll give you all of the details first.

I need to go to another sponsor because, you know, sponsors mean money for me and I happen to be running out of Easter grass at home.

So I really need to check in with a sponsor.

We'll do this and then I'll tell you all about Wendham Wednesday and the egg substitutes.

We'll do it next.

Today's show is brought to you by co-workers who don't understand the difference between reply and reply all.

Proudly ensuring the rest of us can't get stuff done.

because we're caught in an endless loop of inane emails.

And into Wandom Wednesday we go.

This past Wandom Wednesday I was reading about, you know, how eggs are so expensive and Easter is Sunday.

So what are we gonna do?

We can't mortgage the house to get all these eggs for Easter.

So people were looking for substitutes.

So I had read online that a lot of people were substituting potatoes.

And I thought, I don't know.

I don't think, I don't, I don't think that's great.

I don't think that's a great idea.

I think Eastern Iowa can come up with a better idea, and guess what?

Oh, we came up with a bunch of them, let me tell ya.

And I started it off.

I came up with a few things, like maybe bottles of expired meds.

Of course, you'll want to make sure that that child-proof cap is really...

on tight or how about those silica packets why don't we hide silica packets you know the ones that come with new shoes I thought that'd be a great idea or tide pods I mean they're colorful they look good of course you want to tell the kids hey don't eat these because it's laundry detergent so what you do is you hide the tide pods and then the whole family goes hunting for them and once you find all of the tide pods you can all get together and do laundry

huh see i think that'd be a great idea or uh oh hey you could uh you could hide the leftover fireworks from last fourth of july you can hide those around the house or the lawn and with the fireworks uh you should also hide one zippo lighter somewhere and the kid who finds the zippo lighter gets to light off all the fireworks all right those are my ideas what do you

have

Yeah, decorate and hide some shrimp.

That's brilliant.

Maybe we don't even have to color them.

What we could do is we could leave them overnight, and then when the kids find them, they'd eat them.

And we could watch their faces turn different colors.

How about ping-pong balls?

Yeah.

Or marshmallows.

Or marshmallows.

Peeps.

Yeah.

Peeps.

Hide peeps all over the place.

A peep comes from an egg.

I mean, it is a baby marshmallow chick, you know?

Tastes nothing like chicken, though.

Yes, they do.

Really?

You think so?

I haven't had a peep for a while.

Maybe, uh, maybe I'll have to try- No, I ain't eatin' no peeps.

Those things'll kill ya.

Yeah.

But other than the fact that they can kill ya and they taste awful, I have no problem with peeps.

I wouldn't eat them anyway.

I don't care for those

peeps.

No, they're disgusting.

That's why we should just hide them, maybe hide them in, uh, some dirty parts of the house.

You know, those are some good suggestions.

I'd still have to go with the silica packets or the fireworks, but that's-

Throwback Thursday.

We're going to get into that.

But you know what I really want to do is I want to give you the five things you didn't know you needed to hear from the week.

We'll do that right after we check in with, well, let's check in with Morgan Freeman.

He's got some really good egg hiding tips for you.

Where you hide an Easter egg depends on how long you want your kid to look.

Now, if you want to make it easy, hide it behind the TV.

But if you want to make it a challenge,

Hand them $200, a shovel, a backpack with water and freeze-dried berries, pepper spray, a map to Cairo, and tell them that in the deepest, darkest catacomb of the oldest of the 138 pyramids, they'll find the spirit of King Tutankhamun.

Who will transport them to a spiritual realm where, if they answer the five questions of the Nubian demigods correctly, they will be rewarded with a peep.

Any color they choose.

Now, is it a lie?

Of course.

But what an Easter memory they'll have.

Plus, you'll get the little turd out of your hair for a day.

Or two.

Or a hundred.

All

right, let's start off.

This is something from Monday.

Police in Phoenix looking for three suspects accused of stealing a massive red spoon from in front of a Dairy Queen.

Who would rip off a massive red spoon?

You can't eat anything with it.

It's massive.

Well, here's an officer from the Phoenix Police Department giving out information to help catch the suspects caught on

and a very fashionable woman, by the way.

This is a very unusual case that involves a giant spoon.

He's seen cutting the spoon from its holded area, grabbing the spoon and walking off and loading it into the trailer of his truck.

They did come prepared with the trailer.

It's a very large 12 to 15 foot red spoon that we're looking at here.

I mean, if you're driving down the street and you see a giant red spoon hanging out of somebody's truck or in their garage, definitely contact silent witness because a red spoon.

like that definitely does stand out whenever you're going through the neighborhood.

So be on the lookout.

Who knows where this massive spoon could be now?

All right.

Number two thing, this comes from Tuesday and it has to do with AI, artificial intelligence.

Lots of people are worried and scared about all this crap and almost half of all Americans are worried that AI could end the human race.

So I think we need to get the information straight from the source.

Google and Alexa,

are you guys gonna take over the world?

It's humans.

Okay, that sounded a little sinister at the end, didn't it?

Or was that just me imagining things?

I don't know.

All right, let's move on to thing number three.

This is my favorite story of the week and a great tip, by the way, if you have a toddler or if you own a toddler, I don't know.

But anyway, this mom, she really came up with a great way to punish a phone scammer or maybe it's just a telemarketer, I don't know.

But she put her toddler on the line.

Hello.

Good morning.

Are you Miss Megan,

uh,

Morgan?

Yeah.

Are you?

Yeah.

Hello.

Can you hear me?

Yeah.

Are you the owner?

Mm-hmm.

Huh?

I can understand what you are saying.

You know why you can't understand lady because it's a toddler

So how about this?

This thing for comes from Thursday and oh man, this would be frustrating.

Man in Texas, he says a glitch in the Find My iPhone app.

I don't know if you have this, but if you have like an Apple watch and you go on to Find My iPhone, it'll bring up a map.

Well anyway, this app has led almost a dozen people to his home and they think that he stole their Apple products.

even though he doesn't have them.

So this is Scott Schuster explaining what has been happening at his house and some ring camera audio from angry people at his door.

Listen.

Had to wake up and go answer the door and explain to them that I don't have their device and people don't tend to believe

you.

There's plenty of irrational people in the world that if they're angry if they're drunk if they You know have had a rough night and they lost their phone and thought it was stolen That's my biggest concern someone coming to the house potentially with a weapon

Yeah, no kidding and think you stole their phone because I don't know one of their Apple products tells them so that's why oh Weird all right.

Let's do thing number five a Canadian woman.

She accidentally donated her cat's ashes to

a thrift store while preparing for a move.

So this is Ainsley Key.

She's explaining how she accidentally gave away the urine filled with her beloved cat's ashes.

And important to know, by the way, she named her cat Dad.

Somebody in Kingston, Ontario is going to perhaps find a small urn that says Dad on it.

I accidentally donated my deceased cat.

Someone's going to find that and just be mortified or laugh along with me, hopefully.

He loved being in the garden, so you can put him in your garden if you want, or you can keep him on a shelf where he can begrudgingly watch.

You from there?

There you go.

So just in case you have purchased, by mistake, this cat's ashes.

That's what you should do.

You know, I think that's five things.

What the hell were those things?

Five things.

You didn't know you needed to hear.

Now we're just going to go right in to throwback Thursday because I had a blast.

It was my three year anniversary.

I can't believe three years in Eastern Iowa talking to you here on 1057KOKZ.

It's been a blast.

Here's what went down.

Thank

you for the serenade, my

friend.

I'm so glad you came to Eastern Isle with three hours, three hours ago, three months ago, three years ago.

It feels like three hours ago sometimes.

It's just been awesome to have you around.

Well, thank you,

man.

Hey, you know, I love me some throwback Thursday, and I know you love some hoos.

So how about Bobbo O'Reilly?

Bobbo O'Reilly, have you any hoos?

Yes, I do, man.

It's fact.

It's true.

That's why you're celebrating.

What's your celebrating?

Just put those comments just like

that.

I appreciate you calling.

I really do.

Appreciate you playing.

Thank you for that

truly some beautiful people listening to this station and the

wake up call I appreciate it and finally let's head into Friday Friday of course good Friday leading into Easter weekend so we were just having a free-for-all talking about Easter talking about eggs talking about road trips talking about oh it's just a whole mishmash of things

we're

gonna get really drunk on Saturday and hide Easter eggs and then get up the next morning and we won't remember where we put

them

Make sure you put a little bit of stuff in each one, though.

Well, of course, and what we're going to do on Saturday night, we're going to be drinking beer and we'll just put beers in all different places in the house and pretend we're going on a pub crawl.

And then we'll get so drunk, we'll forget where we put the eggs so we can go on the Easter egg hunt the next day.

It's going to be the perfect weekend.

Sounds like to play it.

Thanks.

And I thought we'd do a first time Friday and we'd talk about our first time road trips.

How about you, first time?

right now.

With who?

My boyfriend was celebrating 13 year dating anniversary this Sunday and this is our first road trip together.

Where are you going?

We're going to Indiana.

We're hopefully not going to drive each other crazy.

Yeah, and you know that's the true test.

The road trip.

Yes.

He's got his earbud so he can listen to his own music.

I got my book.

We're good to go.

All right.

So you don't even have to talk to each other.

It'll be perfect.

It'll be

wonderful.

So how long of a drive is it?

Eight hours.

Where are you right now?

Marshall

Town.

You're pretty near the beginning.

Yes.

We just left

home.

OK.

So everything's fine for now.

Fine.

In the end of year right now, we're still lovey-dovey and oh, you're my best friend and you're very

pretty.

going to be back by Monday or

give you a

call.

Please do.

I really do want an update.

OK, I'll let you know if we're still together.

Well, there you go.

Monday through Friday.

That's it.

And I know I know it's not great, but it's the best I could come up with from last week.

Hey, that's the name of the podcast, too.

All right.

But Monday, I'll be back Monday and just a warning, a word of warning.

It's not it's not going to be pleasant, probably.

on Monday.

And I don't know if I can say this out of my own mouth, so I'll just...

The day after Easter is Egg Fart Monday.

Egg Fart Monday is not a real holiday.

However, it's still a good idea to practice social distancing in your home, especially after your dad ate all of the egg salad from the Diet Easter Eggs.

Turn up the ceiling fans.

Don't forget to wear your medical mask inside.

Light ascended candle.

And crank up the Febreze.

And happy Egg Fart Monday.

Egg Fart Monday is still...

not a real holiday.

No, but we should have the day off just so we don't have to never mind.

Have a great Easter, will you?

And I'll catch you back here Monday, uh, 5 30.

And thank goodness I'll be all by myself.

So the only egg farts I'll be smelling are my own.

Have a great weekend and I'll catch you Monday.

Have

a

Can't see