The Not Great, But Best He Could Come Up With From Last Week.

Hey, it's Mike Waters from the Waters Wake Up Call.

I had another great week hanging with ya, kicking off Spring and goofing off and making a Spring playlist.

Oh, what else did we do?

We talked about hallowed ground that we have set foot on.

It just goes to show when you're a radio DJ, you can accomplish a lot.

Right?

Yeah, right.

Whatever.

Well, regardless of anything else, it was nice to see Spring back, although it's always tough when I get that phone call.

As soon as she gets back in town, I get a call and I don't want to answer it, so I just let the machine take it.

Hi, it's me, Spring.

I just want to let you know I'm in town today.

I'll try to get by and see you, but I mean, look, we both know how beautiful and popular I am.

Let's face it, people have been waiting for me to arrive for months now.

What can I say?

I'm a celebrity.

And while I'm out making public appearances, you can help out by running some errands, doing some chores, you know, mowing the grass, pulling weeds, working in the garden, that kind of stuff.

Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you gave your house a good cleaning.

I'm only here for a few months and I won't spend it sitting around and filth.

You know, when you have people writing songs and poems about you, you can make the rules.

When people change their entire wardrobe just because you're in town, you can call the shots.

Until then, let's fire up that weed eater and get busy.

Oh, and by the way...

I brought you some flowers.

Yeah, so I'm gonna be dealing with that for three months.

Thank you very much.

Well, I think we should get things started.

Monday we kicked off spring and spring's a little bit different in eastern Iowa.

You know, it's not all about flowers blooming and birds singing and weather being nice.

Oh, we get craziness here in eastern Iowa.

You know, I thought it'd be fun to at least try to define spring in eastern Iowa in five words or less.

And I gotta say, you did a pretty good job.

Like, for instance, got this text from Chris last Monday.

Good morning, Mike.

My five words to describe spring in eastern Iowa would be, new life and new beginnings.

Well, I think that's pretty awesome.

Thanks for that, Chris.

Oh, here's another one.

This is a great text.

This is very apt for eastern Iowa.

Five words about spring in eastern Iowa.

Always manages to snow again.

Yes, it does.

Absolutely.

You can expect that.

You can count on that.

Trucker Vic gave me the forest gump definition.

Never know what you'll get.

Mama always said spring was like a box of chocolates.

Not my mama.

Somebody else's mama, I think said that.

Mike texted mother nature at her best.

Yeah, that's another good one.

Hey, I'll tell you what, we're gonna take some calls first, though.

I would like to check in with a sponsor, because, you know, Mikey's gotta pay bills, so we'll hear from all these poor kids and their rhyming.

abilities.

Well, listen to this and I'll talk to you on the other side.

We'll take some spring phone calls.

If your

child has trouble with the kind of poem that's supposed to rhyme, he could have a learning disability or he could just be a bad rhymer.

Bad rhyming can lower a child's self-esteem, decrease his chances of leaving coherent graffiti in gas station restrooms, and promote tooth decay.

Doesn't your child deserve a better life than this?

Call the President's Council on Faith-Based Rhyming Skills at 1-800-Hickory Dickory Tennis Ball.

That's 1-800-Hickory Dickory Tennis Ball.

Because a rhyme

is

a terrible thing to waste.

You know, I really feel for those kids.

I grew up not being able to rhyme.

My favorite nursery rhyme, I think, was Hickory Dickory Dock.

I think my watch has stopped.

But I've gotten better.

I've gotten better.

I can at least rhyme Dock with chalk.

And, uh, well, that's about it.

But we're still trying to define spring in five words or less.

What do you got?

In Dubuque, don't forget April 73.

Don't forget April 70th.

What happened April 73 in Dubuque?

We got 21 inches of snow overnight from our Sunday in Monday.

Oh man almost choked on that good

lord

man Yeah, it's a record, but the thing is

it was gone on that following Friday

Well, that's a pretty fast melt any flooding anything like that.

I can't remember I was in eighth grade I walked up looked out the window the lock was like nine o'clock looked out the window like holy crap

21 inches

I'm not sure but the surrounding areas had I only know we got 21 inches

We

don't ever in the 50 years coming up this year.

Yeah, sure is that's insane

sanity is what that is.

It was wet and it was heavy.

I remember that.

Yeah, you had me at heavy and wet.

That's like blowing and drifting.

Five words, flying insects.

come back yeah

that's basically what you think of spring is the flying insects are back oh i hate them

back in the day we could eat out growing up yeah now it's those asian beetles and these little black bugs

let's not forget murder hornet's boy

oh

yeah they're bugs as big as boy's boy

i'm having shoulder replacement surgery april 18

oh that can ruin a spring how long does that take to recover

six months rehab and then i'm having my left left one done so

be out for a year.

At least it's going to be in April and then one year from April, boom, you got basically the beginning of spring again so you'll have both seasons and that's pretty

good timing

actually.

Maybe I'll be able to hit my driver 201 yards instead of 200.

One word boy, are you ready?

I'm ready.

Bionics.

yes bionic shoulder boom you'll be ready for anything six million dollar boy spring in eastern iowa is like four seasons in one you know you get spring and then maybe uh you get winter number two and then it goes back to spring again and then maybe you'll get summer with 90 degrees and

Back and forth.

It's all four seasons in one season.

That was Monday, and moving on to Tuesday, we made ourselves a little bit of a spring playlist.

But you know, before we do that, I really want to get you up to date on some things that happened over the week, and I love to do that with hit and run headlines.

Is that the headline?

Yeah, that meant hit and run this morning.

Oh boy, there's some stuff going on in the world.

Have you noticed that?

A lot of stuff?

Yeah, experts are cautioning.

that AI will leave humans with nothing to do but sit around.

That's right, it's gonna turn the world into a visit to grandma's house is basically what that means.

The fruit roll-up people are warning consumers not to eat the plastic.

Don't eat, stop eating the plastic, will you?

Yes, that's where we are in this country and we think we're gonna survive long enough for climate change to kill us, but I don't know.

I don't know if it'll last that long.

So a top Russian security official warned of a possible nuclear apocalypse as has been foretold in hundreds of 80s movies.

So today is National Cocktail Day.

Happy Cocktail Day to you.

Lindsay Lohan is enjoying a martini whiskey sour old-fashioned margarita, gimlet and Mai Tai.

No word on whether she's aware it's National Cocktail Day or not.

Wallet Hub, Wallet Hub, named McAllen, Texas, the most obese U.S.

city.

While fast food owners there call it the most lucrative U.S.

city, if you know what I mean.

And by the way, they are so obese that they also came in second.

Well, it's big.

It's Texas.

What do you expect?

A new study shows lengthy marriages warred off

Multiple choice A dementia B cancer or C happiness No, no, no mrs. Waters not us not us everybody else not us Three cladiator movies are currently in the works three of them and before you mock Hollywood for its lack of originality aren't you in line for John Wick 4?

Be honest

All right, and finally after a Southwest Airlines captain got sick mid-flight a pilot from another airline who just happened to be on the plane Helped land it.

I know it sounds far-fetched, but I am serious and and don't call me Shirley Yeah, all right.

Well, that's all I got And with that let's hit and run into toons day first another word from our sponsor because Mikey still has some bills to

pay

I can see

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Do you remember Barb?

So I was talking to Barb.

Show the pitch

clock.

And Barb said, let's have dinner.

Time's up.

Have a long-winded friend.

So the factory I work in has a multi-year plan for it.

Yeah, so long story short, I think I'll stay there.

Oh, just got it in.

And what about sex?

Uh, no pitch

clock needed,

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Now you're in the game.

Okay, and thanks for that.

Another sponsor, another five bucks in my pocket.

Okay, let's move along to Toon's Day when we were making a spring playlist.

I'm trying on my shoulders.

Yeah.

I found Denver, I think.

Yeah.

Sunshine on your shoulders makes you happy.

You know what we see in the sky in the winter?

It's just this gray crap.

Correct.

I think that's what meteorologists call it as well.

Gray crap in the sky.

I like that technical term.

So yeah,

anything involving sunshine.

Oh, tiptoe through the tulips.

No!

All nice sunshine and John Denver and then you take it to Tiny Tim.

That was a left turn I did not expect.

Oh man.

I was like, hold on, that tip-top for the tulip

spot.

Yeah, I have a headache now.

Mr. Waters.

Happy spring to you, my friend.

Happy spring.

What do you think about when you think spring?

Muscat to see,

muscat to see.

You know what?

That's even worse than tiptoe through the tulips.

I had to get you, man.

I had

to get you.

It has been so long since you've done that to me.

I wasn't even expecting that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, what else do you think about when you think spring?

I see a bad moon rise.

For spring?

That's kind of foreboding and dark, you know, Trucker Todd.

I just love just watching the moon come up.

There you go.

And then I like watching it go down and watch the sun come up.

You can hear the spring birds are singing.

See, now

you're painting a less foreboding, more beautiful picture for

us.

Hey, you know, I also got some really good texts as far as our spring playlist.

I got Maria says, here comes the sun by the Beatles.

Ah, you had me at the Beatles.

Let's see, Age of Aquarius by Fifth Dimension.

Got another text for that.

Let's see here, Center Field by John Fogarty.

I always get a bunch.

for that one let's see uh uh uh Neuroscience Ken hey look at that also Centerfield by Fogarty let's uh let's get a couple of more here uh spring songs Centerfield you know just keep getting the Centerfields oh here we go here's something else uh hey this is Patrick Queen Bicycle Race very nice

Well, you know, I think that takes care of the spring playlist, and that leads us to a Wendom Wednesday when it was National Goof-Off Day.

And yeah, we spent all morning goofing off, but we'll get to that.

Right now, what I would like to do is give you... Our first story going back to Monday.

There was a police captain who was stopped for DUI, and guess what he did?

He asked the cop who pulled him over to turn his camera off.

Yeah, 55-year-old police captain Oklahoma City is where this happened, and he was caught on camera begging to get a police officer to turn off his body cam.

Well, this happened after he was pulled over for possible DUI.

So this is audio from Sergeant Skinners.

That's right.

I wonder if his name is Leonard Skinner.

I don't know, but...

Sergeant Skinner's body cam leading up to the captain's arrest.

Listen, listen to this.

You've been drinking the night.

I just got a ride.

You've been drinking the night, sir.

I'm a captain.

I'm a police department.

What police department?

Oklahoma State.

I'm not tearing my camera off.

Please.

I know you're aware of our body cam policy and you know I cannot turn off this

body cam.

I

do, but I'd like to talk to you.

I can't be answered.

Please.

I'd like to talk to you.

I'll talk to you

once we're done.

You can

turn it

off and you can turn it on.

I can turn it off once I'm done with my investigations.

Okay.

I am not.

I don't show favoritism to anyone regardless.

I don't care if you're a gangbanger or the president of the United States.

Sir, I'm not asking you for that.

If I was to treat you differently then I was to treat like some South Side Loco or some pedo.

I think

you're with me in thinking that I sure am glad that he didn't give him any special treatment.

You're driving drunk, you're driving drunk.

Who cares who you are?

Okay, and here is thing two story two from toons day This is kind of crazy actually neighborhood was flooded with mystery uber eats deliveries this neighborhood it was in LA and They're they're still trying to figure out why they're being flooded with uber eats deliveries And they're piling up some neighbors have been getting up to a dozen food orders a day

So here are some people from the city's Highland Park neighborhood talking about the food being delivered to their homes, man.

Sometimes it would just be like four orders of milk for McDonald's.

I've probably received 30 meals.

We can probably get about 40 bags of food.

Every neighbor has a different idea of what this is.

Well, we thought it was credit card fraud.

The marketing campaign, rich kids on TikTok who are trying to have some commentary on millennials.

I am a vegetarian and they've been sending a lot of meat.

Most of us are vegetarian here, so we couldn't really eat them.

So please send us some vegetarian meals, whoever you are, mystery Uber delivery people.

Yeah, yeah.

So I don't know.

I think they should give it all, a lot of that to the food bag.

And I think they've been doing that.

I think they've been doing that.

But let's move on to thing three.

This is from Wandom Wednesday.

And I had read a new study.

I was just randomly looking around on the internet on on Wandom Wednesday, and there was a study that said dad jokes have a positive effect on kids development.

Can you believe that?

So these researchers say that when fathers embarrass their kids with unfunny jokes, it teaches them how to overcome awkwardness.

I don't know.

You know, would dad make a good stand-up comedian, though?

I don't know.

Well, let's test that out, shall we?

Okay, dad.

So put your hands together and give a warm welcome to your dad.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, sport.

Yeah, look at me.

So why was Cinderella bad at soccer?

Because she kept running away from the ball.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

Well, I guess that's my time.

Listen, don't you stay out too late, your mom and I worry.

Give it up for your dad.

All right, dad.

Way to go, dad.

Way to go.

Moving on to Thing 4, there's a German brewery, and I find it very surprising that a German brewery would invent a powdered beer.

I don't know, it just seems something cheap about it, you know?

And I would think that a German brewmaster would stay away from this kind of thing.

But it's a powdered beer that allows you to make the drink in the same way a person would make, say, instant coffee, which really stinks, by the way.

Instant coffee, I would never do that.

And I don't think I'd do instant beer.

But this is Stefan Fritsch from Nussela Klosterbrau Brewery, explaining and showing off this process.

And then I use a little bit of the beer powder.

I do a little bit more because probably you need a little bit more stronger gears.

In the starting we're using a mixer but later on when we develop the full project we don't need a mixer anymore.

So let's see.

Now I'm just steering a little bit around.

No, it's a fully-taste of full-flavored beer.

Well, he sounds German and gosh darn it, German's no beer, so I don't know, maybe if I got a chance to try it for free, I'd try a sip.

All right, and finally, and thing number five, this comes from Friday.

And this is Elton John and Bernie Topen, the Elton John classic, you know it, you love it.

Rocket Man and it's a it's a trivia.

It's a bit of trivia about the song that Elton himself didn't even know.

So he posted this interview clip of him and his longtime writing partner Bernie Topin and they're discussing their song Rocket Man and Bernie is explaining how he came up with the idea for the lyrics.

Listen.

Our first ever number one record I think.

Pretty easy song to write the melody to because it's it's a song about space.

So it's quite a spacious song.

It's actually inspired

by

a story by Ray Bradbury from his book of science fiction short stories called The Illustrated Man and in that book there was a story called The Rocket Man which was about how astronauts in the future would become sort of an everyday job so I kind of took that idea and ran with it.

You know, I never knew that.

I didn't know that either.

Isn't learning fun?

And I think that's five things.

Five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

And let's move on to Wandom Wednesday, shall we?

And it was National Goof Off Day, so guess what we were doing?

I know, I know.

It's hard to figure out.

Well, I'll tell you.

I'll tell you what we were doing.

And we'll take some calls right after we check in with another sponsor.

And hey, another five bucks for me.

Today's show is brought to you by

Fortnite.

the spring break video game babysitter that makes it easier for parents to still work while your kids stay at home all week by themselves.

All right, with that out of the way, who's ready to goof off?

Landon Wednesday was National Goof Off Day, and since that's what I do for a living, I thought it was my responsibility to guide you through.

So let's goof off.

Hey, what are you doing?

I am goofing off like hell.

All right, you have to tell me your system for goofing

off.

I've got your app on, and I am goofing off racking off at you right now.

Now I'm heading to my preschoolers that I teach, and I am going to have them goof off all day.

Awesome, how?

I'm going to take them outside, rain or sun, and we're going to play peanut butter and jelly.

It's duck-duck-goose, but you go peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter and jelly.

And you've got to run after whoever is peanut butter and jelly.

And then I feed them their snack, and it's going to be peanut butter and jelly uncrustable.

They learned Mr. Water.

You're correct, I'm goofing off.

Guess

what?

What?

I have a brand new pair of roller skates.

Do you have the

key?

I got a brand new key, yep.

Well, then we can goof off.

So is that your mode for goofing off roller skating?

Oh, I used to be.

What do you do now to goof off?

When I was young, my dad would take us out on dirt roads, and we would car dance.

He would push the gas pedal to go with the music.

So we were down to a goof.

Now, that's

a great way to goof off.

Everyone's smiling.

certain songs come on the radio.

It just reminds me of that.

And it's like, oh, where's the...

Slow moving roads so I can do this too.

Right,

and chair dancing, and doing the gas pedal to the beat.

I'm sure your dad was the king of Revan Roll.

He was a good dad.

We got to do all kinds of goofy

things.

Can I just say real quick how proud I am to have such goofy people listening?

God bless ya.

So from Wandom Wednesday leading into Throwback Thursday, and we will get into that right after we check in with one of my most beloved sponsors, both here on the show

and an AA.

Nothing beats sitting on my porch enjoying outdoors and drinking a delicious Lipton iced tea.

Nothing beats it unless it's a Lipton hard iced tea and I'm getting crunk with my homies.

We're turning our Tuesday gin rummy days into Lipton hard iced tea days.

Agnes, you ready to shotgun a Lipton with me?

Now excuse me while I pop out my dentures.

That way I don't lose them later when I'm wasted.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!

Thank you grandma waters.

All right, so throwback Thursday was national puppy day So I thought it'd be a perfect day to talk about our first pet mine was a dog Her name was Lucille Carmel waters.

I was the one who came up with Lucille I was like six and my brother came up with Carmel.

I have no idea where he came up with Carmel I mean, I don't know where I came up with Lucille.

It might have been might have been Lucille ball.

I don't know But Carmel I don't

and get that at all.

But anyway, it was a little poodle, a chickapoo really, part chicken, part poodle, scared of everything and taken away from her mother way too early.

So it was kind of a tough job handling this dog.

Anytime we'd leave and come home, she would have pooped all over the place.

One time she pooped in the good China, which was on our dining room table.

And that was it, man.

That was it.

Gave the dog away.

and my brother were heartbroken and just routine you and me and this has been a subject in my therapy sessions.

The dog, Lucille Carmel Waters, our very first pet was given to our neighbors two doors down and they kept her outside

all the time and we'd go out in the yard and she'd be barking and crying at us.

Oh I'm tearing up just thinking about it.

Well I hope your first pet story is a whole lot happier than mine and how could it not

be?

A donkey?

Wow,

your

dad ordered a donkey, huh?

Yeah, under

the catalog.

What is he, some kind of jackass?

You're such a donkey.

My first pet was a lamb.

A lamb?

And it thought it was a dog because we never hooked it up and then it got hit.

Oh no.

We ended up with lamb chops.

So it was great while it was alive and tasty when it got hit.

And you know, I would have to think that the car tires would be good tenderizers.

Exactly.

So how did the lamb chops taste?

It was hard, but they were good.

Yeah.

You were crying while you were eating, weren't

you?

Exactly.

You had to eat your first pet for dinner.

We did.

Yeah.

That just warms the cockles.

It does.

Gives me hot cockles, your lamb story.

Yes, I had

a pet pig.

A pet pig?

Yeah, my dad had a sow that had a litter.

Yeah.

He had a rump that he told his kids was gonna die, so...

We took the pig and the kids cried that dad was just going to let it go and leave it.

And we cried and said, dad, we got to put it in the box and take it in the house.

So we did.

Wow.

So he just

went along with it.

And it lived.

And it lived.

Yep.

We raised it and dad took it to market.

All right.

So you raised the pig.

You fell in love with it.

And then pork

chops.

Yeah.

That's what happens on the farm.

Yeah.

Did you love that pig better or do you

of bacon better.

Well, it's kind of a taco.

Smells like bacon to me.

I had

a

unique that.

I

had a unique that when I grew up.

Yeah, what was it?

A cow.

A cow?

As a

pet?

I was just only about seven or so and didn't have much to do on out on the farm and so I had a cow that I used to sit on and ride around.

And did you keep this cow for a long period of time, or was it one day the cow disappeared, and that night you had hamburgers?

Look, there's a chihuahua mixed with a great dame.

Wouldn't you have liked to see how that was made possible?

There's Benji, a mixed breed found in the Burbank Animal Shop.

He's a movie star.

And now he's doing butt wheelies on the carpet.

Don't you love animals, whether it's snuggling with them or petting them or having them for dinner?

Hey, you know what?

That's going to bring us to Friday.

We will wrap up this very first week of spring coming up.

Oh, I got to make just a couple more dollars after I do this little money grab.

We'll be back and talking about hallowed ground.

Hey, you were going a little fast.

You been drinking the night?

No, absolutely not, officer.

Is that no big container right there?

No, no, that's just Dr. Pepper, but with the flavor of bourbon in it.

No actual alcohol.

Yeah, I'm going to need you to get out of the vehicle.

Yep, that makes sense.

Heard them all now, haven't we,

Joe?

Dr. Pepper with the flavor of bourbon, but no alcohol in it.

That'd literally be the dumbest product ever.

Put your hands up on the car.

Wow, that is a bad idea.

What were those people?

Drunk?

Oh, don't answer that.

That brings us to Friday as we wrap up the first week of spring.

We were talking about hallowed ground.

You know, that place that has been mythologized or built up.

so much that when you're there, you just can't believe it.

It's awe-inspiring.

Like me, I think my hallowed ground moments were late 90s, went to England, Great Britain,

And man, that was cool.

I mean, we went and it was a rock and roll trip is what it was.

We saw some Led Zeppelin sites.

There was a cottage in the hills of Wales.

Bronnier R is the name of the cottage.

And they wrote a tune.

Actually, it was Jimmy Page wrote an instrumental called Bronnier R about this.

this cottage or inspired by it and they wrote a lot of other songs and it's just in the middle of nowhere it's on one of these hills and you look off and all you see are other other hills uh with sheep spotting all the hills and it's uh it was a very cool thing and of course i had to go to liverpool and i saw everything beetles related in liverpool penny lanes strawberry fields uh oh what else the cavern

So many, so many places.

I saw where all four of them grew up, the houses they grew up in.

It was a, it was a very cool thing.

And then in London went to Abbey Road Studios and crossed Abbey Road.

So, so much hallowed ground.

Hallowed, sorry, not hallowed, hallowed ground.

Did I visit that trip?

So how about you?

When was the last time you were on hallowed ground and what ground was it?

I had two dreams that I was on Bear

Butte out in South Dakota, it's a sacred place to the Sioux Indians.

Crazy horse went there and obtained visions.

And these dreams kept coming to me, you know.

I was on the side of the bare Butte.

and I was being chased by a bear of all things.

I flew to the top and the bear met me there, end of the dream.

So I thought, okay, let's go up to South Dakota, see the sights, take the family out there.

And as we were leaving, going, holy man, said, hey, you want to come back up for a ceremony later tonight?

And I just, oh, that'd be cool.

But you know, I came out here, I'm a family man, and I thought that would have been a great experience.

You know, when I was a kid, I thought that was called Bear Butt.

Well, it's B-U-T-T-E, correct?

Right,

I always

thought Buttoot was Buttoot.

I always dreamt of going there and mooning everybody.

I love it.

As a NASCAR fan, I did a Richard Petty driving experience at four NASCAR tracks.

What's the Richard Petty experience?

He actually drove a race car around tracks.

Wow.

So I drove at Charlotte, Chicago, Iowa.

and Talladega.

Wow.

Oh, Talladega.

Now that's hallowed ground for NASCAR especially.

Yeah.

you can do it right along with a driver and then you drive yourself for like eight or ten laps depends on the track.

Yeah.

They record you so you know how fast you went on each lap so you can get a disc of yourself driving.

That's cool.

Yeah, I'm not sure if they still are doing it as a Richard Petty experience or not.

The closest I've ever gotten to, you know, the Petty driving experience was I rode in a cop car after being arrested

for petty theft.

Hey thanks for that.

Hey thanks for that.

I hope that inspires you to go find Hallowed Ground, a place that you've always wanted to visit.

And it's just been built up so much in your in your head that you should really go visit it, you know So go and go and find some hallowed ground a place where you think it just be the coolest ever So that is your assignments.

I will catch you on Monday morning.

I will be in and You know, it's my birthday on Monday.

So, you know, I don't know what I'm gonna do with that But I'm very thankful to have birthdays now, especially after my heart attack

and the

And it's also, hold on a second, it's National Viagra Day, and I don't know exactly how we'd celebrate that.

We probably won't, I may just acknowledge it.

But that's, I don't know, why is that on my birthday?

That's what I want to know.

And it's also quirky country music song titles day.

There's no weirder titles in music than country.

So we may talk about that as well.

So we're going to have ourselves a blast of a Monday coming up.

Thank you for listening.

And you have a great rest of your weekend unless you're listening during the week and have a great week.

Bye

bye.

KZ