all the Wi-Fi.
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station apartments.
Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer.
Internet included.
A great central downtown location.
One to five bedroom apartments.
And no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station apartments.
Now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
All right, let's see what's going on with the hit-and-runs, shall we?
Americans have $21 billion in unclaimed gift cards.
You may want to check your wallet or purse.
They should donate that unused plastic to Madonna so she can make a new cheek.
That'd be nice.
Fremont, California has been named the happiest city in America.
The least happy city is toxic chemical spill Ohio.
Dang trains.
The White House is giving government agencies 30 days to remove Chinese-owned TikTok from their phones.
Uh, so who's gonna tell them those phones were also made in China?
Give me that piece of information, please.
A new Orleans woman was arrested for selling drugs out of her ice cream truck.
You know, I'll bet that's the last time she takes career advice from a Cheech and Chong movie.
I'll bet.
I'll bet.
Engineers have developed a flexible robot that enters the rectum to 3D print living cells on damaged organs.
Good Lord!
In totally unrelated news, Andy Dick has informed his doctor that he's suffering from whatever this thing fixes.
Ozzy Osbourne says he wants to tour again.
Apparently, he saw Tom Brady's last season and thought, well, if that's all it takes, I can do that.
Creed III opens in theaters tomorrow.
And this time, Creed takes on his toughest opponent yet.
Yeah, you guessed it, cocaine bear.
So another Lord of the Rings is in the works.
The Hobbit's daring journey will be to find anyone who still cares about the Lord of the Rings.
So Bruce Willis' wife is working with a dementia specialist to learn how to provide better care for Bruce.
That's awesome.
And ever since she started, by the way, she says she's actually been able to understand Rob Gronkowski.
So Jimmy Kimmel lost some weight for his gig hosting the Oscars because A, his tuxedo no longer fit, B, his stamina was low, or C, he wanted to present a smaller target to Will Smith.
Well, Jimmy, I should tell Jimmy that Will's not allowed there for 10 years.
Fans are shocked Madonna is dating a 29-year-old boxing coach because he is, here's another multiple choice, A,
currently training her kids, B, a reality star and not an A-list celebrity, or C, way too old for her.
And today is Dr. Seuss' birthday.
Happy birthday, Dr. Seuss.
I know he's streaming us up in heaven.
He wasn't a real doctor, you know.
So he had that in common with Dr. Phil.
And thanks to Denny's, he was once served green eggs and ham.
It wasn't on the menu that way, though.
So, finally, the Chicago Bears may trade down from the top spot in the drafts because, hey, why blow one pick when they can blow several?
Right?
Am I right?
Yeah,
that's all I got.
I never saw
him.
He's
basically hitting me.
