Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Sat Feb 18, 2023
Hey!
Hey, it's Mike Waters from the Waters Week of Call.
Happy weekend!
Another fantastic week with you.
It was the week of love, of course, with Valentine's Day and, uh, and, uh, what is it?
Singles, I think, Appreciation Day or something like that.
I don't know.
So whether you had somebody or you didn't have somebody, it was a good week, I think.
It was for me.
And really, that's all that matters to me.
No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
You're very important to me.
I couldn't do this show without you.
I remember we
kicked off the week talking about some of the bad calls with the Super Bowl last Sunday.
I'm a high school college youth sports official.
I started getting messages about the bad defensive holding call at that last.
Well, what do
these drunk Super Bowl viewers
know?
I really do think armchair quarterbacks are perfect and if the Vikings had a team full of armchair quarterbacks or at least Consultants these these armchair quarterbacks can call in and get them right on the sidelines and say here's what you do, right?
I think maybe that's the way that the Vikings can get to the Super Bowl next year Seriously, I think that's a pretty good idea armchair armchair Consultants for the Minnesota Vikings.
Hey, he couldn't couldn't go any worse, right?
Alrighty, but you know
So also on Monday was Valentine's Day Eve, so I just wanted to make sure we were all prepared.
And I thought, you know, if we could come up with some Valentine's Day traditions, it could be something we would do every year, and we just have it planned for the rest of our lives.
Is it a bad thing to traditionally wait till the day after Valentine's
Day?
It probably is.
She may say, it's fine, but it's not.
Yeah, yeah, don't worry about it.
Then worry about it, right?
I would say if you wait till the day after she'll think you forgot You never want to seem like you forgot.
Well, I think if you do it traditionally, she'll get used
to it There you go.
Make this the first year.
I guess there'll be some growing pains with that I'm sure the first few years will see outside at night with the doors locked
Make sure you got a full tank of gas
Yep, if you start doing that day after tradition plan ahead book a hotel room just in case the full tank of gas wouldn't hurt either.
Yeah
You gotta keep warm.
There's a little advice for you from Mr. Love himself.
Not Dr. Love?
That's better.
Alright, kiss guy.
Alright, but Monday leads into Tuesday and I'll tell you what, we're gonna get into Tuesday and love songs for Valentine's Day after we check in with some hit and run headlines and we'll kick into that right after this.
Just when you thought you'd try just about every micro brew there is, get your taste buds ready for a new adventure.
Air conditioner beer.
Yep, we figured out a way to mix grain, hops, and yeast and run it through an evaporator coil with the condensation dripping from the crusty hose hanging by your furnace.
Taste the subtle multi-flavors of freon, notes of dust, and a metallic aroma of a clogged drain line.
Air conditioner beer.
And coming soon, radiator leak white cloth.
About the headline?
Yeah, that didn't hit the run this morning.
Those are jerk
headlines.
All right.
Hey, if we can all remember back to Toon's Day, you know, it was Valentine's Day.
And I remember I pulled double duty because Cuban wasn't available because he used all his arrows the last few days shooting down Chinese spy balloons.
So I was on the job.
And Patrick Mahomes already received his gift from the person who loves him the most, Super Bowl referee Carl Chephers.
That's heartwarming.
So credit card debt is at a record $930 billion.
See, this is why I only pull mine out for emergencies.
Or cocaine, you know.
I'm kidding.
Don't do drugs, kids.
The US shot down three more possible balloons.
So if you're keeping track, that's America 4, Party City 0.
All right.
So a piece of the sun broke off.
Can you believe that?
A piece of the sun broke off, just broke off.
And even though it's 91 million miles away, President Biden ordered an F-22 to shoot it out of the sky.
I don't know if they were successful.
So several studies have shown that making phone calls is better for young people than texting.
And these studies were all funded by your grandmother.
Hey, you know, Bill Gates is ready to date again, and he even has a great pickup line.
Hey, you want to come back to my place?
I'm worth $107 billion.
Want to come see my bank?
Boy, I'd go right away with them.
Oreos now sells a cookie stuffed with more Oreos.
Oreo cookie stuffed with more Oreos.
You know America's doomed when we're too lazy to put an Oreo inside of an Oreo.
Come on.
Kansas announced their 50th anniversary tour dates.
And they don't include a single stop in the state of Kansas.
And to rub it in even further, they announced multiple dates in Boston, Chicago, and Alabama.
So China has now threatened to retaliate against the US for shooting down its balloon And across the nation party city outlets have been placed on high alert All right, and finally Tom Brady volunteered at an animal shelter last year and and one of the dogs was so lovable but dumb he named it drunk Isn't that nice?
All right.
That's all I got
Right now that you're all up to date on some of the crazy things that have been going on this week, let's jump right into Toon's Day, and we did a special Toon's Day.
It was Valentine's Day, so we did Valentine's Day.
And just before we start here, a Valentine is a song, it can be a love song if you're in love, or a Valentine can be not quite a love song if say you just broke up with somebody.
A Valentine would be something totally different.
So whether you were in love,
out of love, never wanting to love again, looking for love, whatever that would be, there's a valentine for you.
So, with that...
Yeah, I'd like to call in a valentine's dedication for my wife, Barb.
All right, for Barb, and who's this?
This is Ken, or you can call her Barbie.
Well, Ken and Barbie.
I finally get to talk to you.
I've heard so much about you over the decades.
I'm sure.
We actually just got married a year and a half ago.
It was our second time around, and it wasn't our first love for each other, but it'll be the last.
That's awesome.
I'd like to dedicate love of a lifetime by Firehouse, which was our wedding song.
So what kind of a Barbie Ken set are you?
Are you the Malibu Barbie and Ken or the newlywed Barbie and Ken?
Just the Eastern Iowa Ken and Barbie.
Perfect.
Good morning.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Happy Valentine's Day to you.
Valentine's Day.
I like it better.
I do too.
My husband and I eloped.
Didn't know each other very long.
that was playing when we worked in the courthouse was another one bites the dust.
So
always laugh and call that kind of our song, but I'd say after 42 years is probably Eddie James.
At last?
At last.
They don't make them better than that.
Well, I thought you liked the story.
We just always laugh about it.
Park in the car and there it was.
My husband's like
yep, right?
You know we were gonna go off and sneak and get married, but my parents got really mad and they they called me a melon No, you can't elope me a cantaloupe for
Dedicating one to my axe.
Yeah, he gets cold as ice.
Oh,
there you go
And I'm still in the no more visitor night sky
So cold as ice and no more Mr. Nice Guy sounds like the perfect couple for a divorce.
Couple
things still going on.
That's why I got my life plate what
it says.
And what does your license plate say?
Says X can't have.
She took everything else so she can't have that.
But she is cold as ice.
If that doesn't prove it, I don't know what does.
I think I'm gonna play those both at the same time so it'll sound like you're fighting.
That'd be good.
Because we will be in
this funding.
Okay.
I just hope those valentines helped you have a very, very special Valentine's Day.
I really do.
I mean that sincerely, even though sometimes I come off sarcastic, but no, no, no, no.
I'm not being sarcastic at all.
But anyway, you know what?
That leads right to Wandom Wednesday.
Oh, and a great Wandom Wednesday topic.
We'll get into that right after we check in with our sponsor.
I have to do this because I need money.
This Valentine's Day, get your special someone a gift from the zero.
dollar store.
At the zero dollar store you'll find everything you need.
Look on the completely vacant shelves for zero chocolates, zero bouquets of flowers, and zero diamond pendants or earrings.
You don't have to show your love with a materialistic made-up holiday that guilt you into buying cards and presents.
Nothing says I love you.
Like nothing.
The zero dollar store.
Right next door to the, you're getting zero nookie tonight boutique.
I know Valentine's is over, but they're still running the special.
So I told them I'd give them more plugs.
So anyway, with that, let's get into Wandom Wednesday and a great topic.
Foods that you should never eat in bed.
There were lots of them and you came up with quite a few.
Pickles.
Absolutely.
You don't want to eat
that.
You get pickle juice on those sheets.
You're just gonna dream about pickles all night is what'll happen.
Gherkins and kidneys and all kinds of the dills.
Right.
You ever had a bad dream involving a dill pickle?
No.
No,
really?
Yeah.
I was thinking about writing a horror movie involving a killer dill.
No, that's been
funny.
Maybe it would.
Who knows?
Killer
pickle.
Yeah, doesn't know.
Yeah.
Alright, I'm gonna go write that now.
Right there you go.
Right after you tell me the song you want to
hear.
Yes.
Oh, it's a
it's a good one.
And you know, the pills that they're talking about in white rabbit, those will give you weirder dreams than dill pickles will.
And
the ones that mother gives you will make you dream of dill pickles.
That's
it.
Cheetos and candy kisses.
If you fall asleep, they melt really fast.
just
don't fall asleep.
I think that's in the trailer for Nightmare on Elm
Street.
And I have to keep boxing them because I keep falling asleep before the end.
I changed bedding at least few times a year because penguins have to be off of here.
What?
Penguins?
That's my only superstition.
Are you saying you have penguin bedsheets?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
I thought you had actual penguins.
Oh, penguins would make a mess.
They sure would.
You are the poster girl for Wandom Wednesday.
Yeah.
From Cheetos to Mo-
Movies to Sheets to Penguins?
We'll call you Wandom Wendy.
Yeah?
Yeah.
OK.
Good morning.
Well, good morning, Chattie Cathy.
How are you?
I'm fine.
How are
you?
Oh, I'm doing just fine.
Do you have something to add to the list of things you should never eat in bed?
Watermelon.
Watermelon.
Boy, that'll, uh, that all that juice and stuff and that.
Yep.
Oh, yeah.
It would be, it would be a bet.
I would think you'd have to have water on the brain to do something like that.
Water on the brain to eat watermelon in bed Boom
yeah
on the on the head that contains the brain with the water in the
stuff
All right watermelon is added to the list.
Thank you there chatty-cathy
All
right, how about another one
you?
got your significant
yeah and put onions on that and it's probably even more so frowned upon
yes it is good lord liver onions ketchup and mustard you get to catch up mustard all over and the onions
That is disgusting.
You know what I think that would look like if all of that stuff happened?
Yeah, nasty.
I think it would look like Walt Disney threw up the red and the yellow and the brown and the...
Yes, I do.
And by the way, it feels good to be single.
You don't have to listen to your wife or your girlfriend boss you're around.
All you have to listen to is KOKZ.
Exactly,
like I got on right now.
Hey, you wanted Wandom, that's Wandom.
Things not to eat in bed.
That's gonna move us on to Throwback Thursday, but before we get into that, I would like to give you the five things, and we'll do that right after we check in with a sponsor, because I need more money.
Just when you thought you'd try just about every micro brew there is, get your taste buds ready for a new adventure.
Air Conditioner beer.
Yep, we figured out a way to mix grain, hops, and yeast and run it through an evaporator coil with the condensation dripping from the crusty hose hanging by your furnace.
Taste the subtle multi-flavors of freon, notes of dust, and a metallic aroma of a clogged drain line.
Air Conditioner beer.
And coming soon, Radiator Leak White Claw.
I'm sure you know that every weekday at 7.30 I give you the five things you didn't know you needed to hear.
You get so many other stories over and over on different channels and networks and the social media and all of that.
Well I give you some of the stuff that maybe you haven't heard but you need to hear about it and you didn't know you needed to hear about it until I reminded you that you need to hear about it.
So at the end of the week with the not great but the best he could come up with from last week I give you the best the five best of the five things you didn't know you needed to hear like this there was a guy delivering pizza and The delivery was interrupted by this flying squirrel who as soon as the homeowner opened their door the squirrel flies in and you can hear the Chaos it creates so with with that listen to this
There it is!
Oh boy.
Oh
Going crazy inside the house.
Pizza guy's laughing.
Squirrel got in I
I
well you know a little extra something for the pizza maybe.
Just cut that squirrel up and alright never mind.
And that brings us to thing number two.
This little statistic I shared regarding Valentine's Day.
More than one in four people expect their Valentine to spend zero dollars on them.
$0, did you spend $0?
I'll bet you didn't because you got class.
Well, if you did spend $0, have you heard about the $0 store?
A heck of a deal on Valentine's Day and a new sponsor to the not great but the best you could come up with from last week podcast.
All right, let's hear it, $0 store.
This Valentine's Day, get your special someone a gift from the zero dollar store.
At the zero dollar store, you'll find everything you need.
Look on the completely vacant shelves for zero chocolates, zero bouquets of flowers, and zero diamond pendants or earrings.
You don't have to show your love with a materialistic made-up holiday that guilt you into buying cards and presents.
Nothing says I love you like nothing.
The zero dollar store.
Right next door to the, you're getting zero no-
Yeah,
that's that's about it.
I'm sure maybe they're expecting nothing, but that doesn't mean you should give them nothing All right with that let's let's move on to thing number three now This is heartbreaking, but a very good lesson to learn you should never ever ever under any circumstances break up with someone on an airplane Okay, keep that in mind and let's let's listen to this
She's not happy.
dope breaks up.
What an idiot, huh?
Yeah, that was pretty heartbreaking, but again, I just wanted to shine a spotlight on that idiot, and I think we can all learn a lesson.
Although I think we're most of us, at least, smart enough not to do that.
All right, let's move on to thing number four, shall we?
And I hope you're sitting down for this.
Okay, here it comes.
There is a study at the University of Toronto found that drinking more than one cup of coffee a day could be bad for your health or even kill you.
Here's the deal with that.
They found half of us have a gene that helps us metabolize caffeine quickly, which is good.
But for the other half, too much caffeine can cause kidney damage, might put you at higher risk for heart attacks.
Yeah, that's not good.
Believe me, it's not good.
And there's no cheap and easy way to see if you have this gene.
Even if you don't get a huge buzz from caffeine, it doesn't necessarily mean anything.
And being able to fall asleep after a cup of coffee at night, that doesn't mean anything either.
So the lead researcher says basically to just assume you don't metabolize caffeine well and drink no more than one cup of coffee a day.
Most people won't follow that, but that's the advice.
And on to thing number five.
I thought we'd end with something very, very positive.
This is a very cool story.
10 years ago, a man published a book, and it really wasn't selling and didn't do much.
Well, 10 years later, fast forward to now, and a man's book, now that same book, has become a bestseller because his daughter created a TikTok account dedicated to promoting the book.
So this is Marguerite Richards telling her dad 74-year-old Lloyd Devereaux Richards that his novel Stone Maidens is officially a bestseller and he has kind of a funny take on the whole news thing.
Ready for a nap?
He's 74.
You know, I'd go out and celebrate, but I think I'll take a nap instead.
So, very cool stuff.
What a great daughter, huh?
And she just seems so happy about it.
Even happier than he was, so.
And I think that's five things.
All right, let's move on in to throwback Thursday.
And you remember, you remember Thursday, right?
With all the weather that was coming.
Winter store morning for the corridor, winter weather advisory for the Cedar Valley.
And of course, we, KOKZ are in the corridor.
We're in Hiawatha.
And we just got pummeled, pummeled with snow on Thursday.
And I was hearing from all kinds of people in the Cedar Valley just rubbing it in my face that they didn't even have any snow yet.
And I think
we ended up with like eight, nine inches, and the Cedar Valley ended up with like two inches.
So yeah, I didn't hear the end of it on Thursday, rubbing it in my face, like, for example.
Hey, I got something for you.
And it's the way that we can all get together and empathize with you guys down there.
I'm up and away really.
And that would be to riding the storm out.
Yes, riding this storm out slowly with headlights on.
But you guys still don't have anything up there, do you?
No, it's gray and boring.
Well, I'd say gray and boring over.
white and the pain in the you know but I know Waverly is probably not gonna have anything it's just gonna get sunny later because I know the Guns N' Roses wrote that song Paradise City about Waverly I believe that's true ah you're not buying a bit of that are you not in the least okay all right fair enough because I am full
of uh well you know I do I hear it every day yeah sunshine and good thoughts that's what you're full of
thank you for for keeping it clean and nice
Snowy Thursday!
Oh, let me guess you're in Virginia.
Aren't you hollowed out?
It's been now every Thursday.
You'll call me and every Thursday.
We've got a snowstorm.
Yep.
Here's the real problem.
I'm in the corridor at Hiawatha and we're getting all kinds of snow.
Meanwhile up in Waterloo, everybody in Waterloo is calling me and rubbing it in my face that they haven't seen any snow yet.
Yeah, I know.
It's something.
Yes, it sure is.
If I wasn't a wimp, I'd travel up there and I'd flat.
That and every one of them, I'll tell you what.
Nobody's called me from Virginia yet to rub it in my face, so you're the first for that.
It's
almost a weekly tradition at this
point.
and I'll be home and maybe it won't snow.
Yeah, instead of hauling out, you can haul sunshine here and not Virginia.
I'll do what I can.
I'm glad we got that settled.
Righty then.
You know anybody starting to mow more blades?
I'm going to mow my lawn up here in Manchester.
It's all green.
You're going to mow your lawn in Manchester.
Yeah, we ain't got no snow up here.
You know, if I had a lawnmower, I'd travel up there just to do something that reminds me of summer.
You know what?
I don't have.
I don't have a blade sharpener connection.
I know you are.
You
lousy.
You're lucky I'm a whimper.
I really come down there.
All right.
Well, you have a good day.
All right.
I'll try after this call.
It'll be extra hard, but I'll do my best.
OK.
The snow's over anyway, and we're going to have
a beautiful weekend and uh what else do you need to know but that moves us to friday now friday i don't know why i had this feeling because the day was nice the sun was shining in the morning and
And I don't know, it was just, I was in some kind of funk, you know, how it is when the day is a normal day, you know, otherwise, but you just have this weird feeling inside that something is off or weird.
And I was trying to come up with the term for that, if there was a word for it.
Well, being a pocket psychologist after being a coach for many years, I call it disassociation from happiness.
And there's an easy cure for it.
Remind your listeners that this weekend's going to be phenomenal for winter activities.
Yes.
Stinging, tobogganing, sledding.
Naked snow angels.
And then after the show, I remembered a quote from Stephen Wright that goes like this.
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself?
I feel like that all the time.
And I think that's the feeling I had this morning.
So thanks for that, Stephen Wright.
Boy, is that the end already?
Well, let's see.
We started off with Monday and ended with Friday.
Yeah, I guess so.
So there you go.
Have a fantastic weekend.
And of course, I'll be in Monday morning, 5.30 to 10.
And I do it Monday through Friday with the bright side at 5.50.
I have got the hit and run headlines at 6.50, 7.30.
I give you the five things you didn't know you needed to hear.
nine o'clock I give you dedications and requests I just I do it all for you so for now that is the end of the I know not great but the best he could come up with from last week podcast have a great weekend.
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