THE NOT GREAT, BUT BEST I COULD COME UP WITH FROM LAST WEEK

Hey, it's waters from the waters wakeup call.

I certainly hope you're having a fantastic weekend The week went really fast, huh?

Let's hope the weekend goes like really slow.

Hey, you know, maybe if I start talking slower Maybe the weekend will follow or maybe not I just trying things whatever but I had a great week with you I gotta tell you then I do remember what we were doing on Monday.

It was national

Fart day, and we were talking about our embarrassing experiences.

And you know, speaking of embarrassing, before we get to the farting, let's go to a sponsor.

And this is a little awkward, but here you go.

Today's show is brought to you by Prostate Pals.

Your prostate health is so important to us.

Prostate pals, where pointing is always polite.

And on to a different awkward topic, let's talk about National Fart Day and those embarrassing experiences I think we've all had.

I

was in the hospital having surgery and when they took me into the operating room, I told my wife goodbye to because she could flagellate as good as any man.

Nice, good for her.

When I was in the recovery room, the nurse

got on the intercom and said, dude, your husband's ready.

Oh, she had to have loved that.

She said she was totally embarrassed.

Now, did the nurse think that was actually her name or were they in on the joke?

Oh, yeah, they knew.

OK.

All right.

Loud and long.

Oh, God, yes.

Now, see, you got to respect that.

A lot of people think, oh, women don't do that.

Well, of course they do.

And it's a medical fact that the more you fart, the healthier you are.

Yeah.

You know, there's an expression, better out than in.

And this also happened back on Monday a an old friend called I almost forgot who they were I know the voice I know don't tell me I almost have it almost have it Right How are you man

well first I wanted to tell you sorry about your Viking

have you seen my bald head

Yes, I have

yeah, what do you think is it me?

yeah that's why we bet what we bet I did not want to get a haircut and the guy I bet against did not want to get a haircut so here we are Vikings lost I shaved my head and I can't grow it back until he says so but I miss my hair

Yeah.

And I'm pretty excited to see the Super Bowl this weekend, the Chief.

And call me overly optimistic, but I am still rooting for the Vikings in the Super Bowl.

Good to hear from you, Trakka Todd.

Don't be such a stranger.

All right, Monday brings us to Tuesday and had a blast on Tuesday.

I don't mind telling you.

But before we get to that and this week's topic, I think we need some hit and run headlines and we'll do that right after this.

Today's show is brought

to you by EVs, electric vehicles.

Trust us, there's nothing better for the environment than a dead thousand pound lead battery.

How about a nice hit and run?

Case of the hit and run, that's exciting.

And here are those hit and runs I promised you.

Zoom is laying off 1,300 employees.

You know the funny thing?

They called an in-person meeting to talk about it.

Yeah.

A sixth grader in Georgia is facing charges after he brought a vape pen and marijuana edibles to school.

But I always like to look on the bright side.

The picture he drew in art class that day is in the running to be the cover of the next fish album.

Good for him, I say.

Scientists have been able to grow human-like intestinal tracts inside mice.

Very, very exciting new technology that could one day allow the average human to eat at Chipotle more than once a week.

You know, the Southwest is dealing with a deadly fungal infection.

And just like that, dozens of garage bands shouted, we got a name!

So a man in Uganda who has fathered 102 children says he's done having kids Right like it was so much harder for you said his wife So there was a Chinese balloon was spotted floating over Latin America But thankfully it was quickly swatted down by a Mexican kid with a really long stick who thought it was full of candy Yeah

So Walmart is selling a breakup bear for Valentine's Day.

Although if your partner is shopping for Valentine's Day at Walmart, you're probably better off without them anyway.

Did you know that treadmills were used as prison punishment in Victorian times?

Yeah, and clothing racks in modern times.

I'm talking to you.

So Bill Gates has a new girlfriend.

She hasn't met his kids yet, but I'm pretty sure she's seen his net worth.

And finally, journey singer Arnell Pineda.

He's fed up with the way he's being treated in the band and he says, ah, you can fire me anytime.

You know what?

They probably should.

He's obviously stopped believing and that's like the main thing Journey tells you not to do, right?

That's the main rule.

All right, that's all I got.

And as luck would have it, we've hit and run right into Toon's Day, and with it being about a week out from Valentine's Day, and it was also on Toon's Day, dump your significant jerk day.

I thought we'd talk breakup Toons.

First of all, have you ever broken up with anyone?

Yeah, I think everybody has.

What if you're always the one who's been dumped?

I'm just using a friend as an example for that, not, of course, my own personal

experience.

for Valentine's Day and

Christmas.

So is it a Christmas song that's your breakup tune?

Let it in, let it in, let it in.

10CC.

I'm not in

love.

I'm not in love by 10CC.

Did you say, you know what?

Listen to this 10CC song.

Don't call me or come over or anything.

No, it's just a really mean song.

Then I would never use it.

Oh, sure.

I say, you know what?

I suck.

You deserve better.

Why do you do that?

I'll call you.

Yeah, I'm moving to Paris for the rest of my life.

So unless you're moving to Paris, I guess we're done.

I'll

move

to Paris with

you!

What if the one go on, take the money and run?

That would be Steve Miller, take the money and run.

That's it, yeah.

So, now does this involve you, a divorce, and taking all the guys' stuff?

Huh?

No, somebody else's, and that's what I

told them.

Go on, take the money and run.

Now, were their names Billy Joe and Bobby Sue?

We'll call them that for now.

That might be a better idea.

Now, did they know a sheriff down in Texas?

No, that wasn't where it happened.

No, did they watch a lot of Tube?

We're

not going there.

I didn't mean it that way.

Jeez.

It was a good break-up song for her anyway.

Well, right, and it is about Bobby Sue taking the money from Billy Joe.

But... Yeah, but Billy Joe caught up to her the very next day.

Well,

they headed down South and they're still running today, apparently.

Oh,

man.

You

should have held on tightly.

Or did you let go?

Was that the problem?

So it was murder, not a break up.

Well that doesn't count then.

You know what, I'll do murder tunes in two weeks.

Weirdo.

Yes, stay that way

please.

Oh, and breaking up is so hard to do, isn't it?

You know, and, uh, next Tuesday is actually Valentine's Day, so we'll be talking love tunes, so we'll go the opposite route.

But, you know, for now, Tuesday leads in to Wandom Wednesday, and what say we get a little Wandom right after we check in with, uh, with one of our Wandom sponsors?

Uh, let's, uh, pick, uh, this one.

Today's show is brought to you by Dayquil, who reminds you of the time you accidentally took Nightquil and then figured out your mistake.

when you were halfway to work.

That was not good.

Oh, confusion for those two can just ruin a day, I'm telling ya.

All right, let's get into Wandom Wednesday and we were celebrating both opera day.

And laugh and get rich day.

So we're talking about opera and funny people.

So I think you got somebody funny to to share with us.

Go ahead.

The House and Senate ought to be busting the gut and busting the wallet today.

So

well, you know, I was I was going to say politicians don't count because they are funny for the wrong reason.

Yeah.

They'll leave you in.

Constitutes is what they'll do.

Yes.

Beautiful angle.

I

love it.

Constituents.

get constitutes if they mess with the politicians.

And I got hydrated with a big glass of micro waters.

Electrolit with electrolytes.

Electrolyte orchestra then.

Yes, yes, the Gatorade of rock and roll.

Yes,

along with the H2O micro waters.

This has gotten all kind of random.

I love it.

And to be fair, we should probably give a little equal time to

opera.

Related

to Chef Boyardee, I'm assuming.

Oh, if my mom would have seen that, she would have said, stop the singing on the edge of the counter there, you're gonna fall off.

My goodness.

He could probably reach every cupboard from that counter.

Uft, electrolyte orchestras and opera singing on the counters.

It really did get a little bit random on Wednesday, which is great.

That's exactly what I expect.

You know what we've got throwback Thursday coming up

Oh, and it's a good one.

I'm telling you, because we get to take a little break from the 21st century.

But first, you know, I'd like to give you the five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

And what I'm going to do is I'm going to take the five best stories from the entire week, and I'm going to give them to you right after we check in with these fine folks.

Today's show is brought to you by predictable men who actually think that it's OK to propose to their girlfriends in an Applebee's on Valentine's Day.

Try harder, Dipwad.

And no, it doesn't matter if you met there.

You

remember back on Monday and we had that whole Chinese spy balloon nonsense?

Well, it was floating around, you know, South Carolina and some other places.

It was just going the scenic route and seeing what it could see.

But the police had to tell people in South Carolina, please don't shoot at the Chinese spy balloon.

All

right, listen up.

As chief of police, I would just like to remind all citizens not to shoot at Chinese spy balloons or any other balloons for that matter.

If someone shot down a giant red balloon yesterday, it was actually flying over a car dealership.

Another person shot down or drifting mylar birthday balloon with a picture of SpongeBob on it.

There's no reason for that.

And also we had a drunk guy shooting at yesterday's full moon.

Please cut it out, peoples.

And another reminder, not to shoot zombies here.

Yeah,

those are just tweakers.

Don't don't even worry about it.

Moving on to thing two.

And this was from Tuesday and a very cool thing at this elementary school in Wisconsin.

I think I was mentioning on Tuesday that it's great the fact that they take elementary school kids and it's not all just the hard learning stuff.

It's it's having a little fun too.

And that's what they were doing.

They were attempting to break a world record.

for Serial Box Dominoes.

So this is the attempt, plus teachers and students will be talking about the successful dominoes run using more than 7,000 Serial Boxes.

It worked.

It worked.

Like, it was crazy.

I didn't actually work.

I knew that a lot of people were excited today because everybody on the balcony were screaming.

So that's how everybody was excited.

Boy, everybody was screaming.

It was just like a cacophony of screams.

But they'll be finding out if they officially broke the record in the coming weeks.

And all of those cereal boxes, by the way, were used, donated to local food banks.

Moving on to thing three, this poor guy out of Tulsa, he was accidentally charged.

over $4,000 for two cups of

of coffee at Starbucks.

So employees say it happened because of a sticky button on the cash register or something.

But this is Jesse O'Dell, the customer, talking about being charged this amazing amount

for his order.

It was $4,444.44.

This is a real shock.

We contacted their customer service helpline probably 30, 40 times that day.

They assured us that they are sending new checks.

But as of today, we still

Unbelievable,

so Starbucks sent checks to make up for the overcharge, but they bounced and the family had to cancel their vacation because of the money drain.

That is a load of hooey, that's what I say.

Moving on to thing number four.

How about this six-year-old?

He's asking the government for a little something that I think we could all use.

I would like this six-year-old named Brody to be speaking for me.

Guess what he's protesting.

Hey, I'm Brody and this is for the government and I'm protesting.

I want three days off of school because I've been tired of school lately and I've been dreaming.

for three days old.

Two days is not enough.

I need three days old.

I need time to just play and go with Nene and stay home, do whatever

I want outside.

I think he said Nene, maybe that's his grandmother.

I'm not quite sure, but we'll see if the government says okay.

You can have a three-day weekend, so I'll let you know about that.

Alright, and finally, let's talk about a brand new pill that could really help fight constipation.

Yeah, and the pill?

Vibrating.

It's a new drug-free way to take care of constipation, and it's a vibrating pill called Vibrant, of course it is.

In fact, it comes with an app so you can track the process and change settings.

So this is kind of the breakdown of how this new pill works.

Vibrant is not a laxative and works with your body's natural process.

Simply swallow with a glass of water.

Vibrant's unique drug-free approach uses gentle vibrations to stimulate the colon mechanically.

The pre-programmed timing of the mechanical stimulation is thought to improve the natural colonic mobility by leveraging the colon's biological clock.

The disposable capsule is expelled with natural bowel

movements.

You know what, I think that's five things.

What

the

hell were those

things?

Five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

You know, we do the five things you didn't know you needed to hear every weekday at 7.30, and you're not properly prepared for the day if you don't hear that.

So make sure you, if you haven't been, if it's been off and on or whatever, 7.30, Monday through Friday.

Okay?

Uh, you know what?

You know what we got now?

We got Throwback Thursday, one of my favorite days of the week, and I thought for Throwback Thursday, other than, you know, the 70s at seven and the 80s at eight and all of the music and the pop culture, I thought it'd be fun to talk about, uh, catch phrases from the 70s and the 80s, and you came up with some awesome ones.

Guy, blue, water, how are we doing today?

Oh, not too bad.

Just watching the snow cover the parking lot, you know.

Oh, m-

That's why we have throwback Thursday.

Yeah, I thought we'd go back to July sometime in the 70s.

Oh,

I like that.

Here you go.

All right.

Who loves you, baby?

Kojak does.

And so do I. Although I don't have any lollipops at home.

I have the bald head and I just have popsicles.

So that's that's my kojak thing is the popsicle.

Oh man, that

is mine too.

Yeah.

And I've noticed that it's

not like it used to be.

Right on!

Now it's like, right on.

Right on went from great to,

okay, right on.

Was it?

Far out.

That

was

it.

That's far out and funky, man.

You are totally taking me on a time trip now.

Right on.

Right on.

Well, I'll leave you with the catchphrase of the day.

Enjoy the snow.

Well, beware of these big, fluffy flakes that are coming down out of the sky.

Yeah, it's almost like a Waters family reunion.

More flakes, though.

Yeah.

Right on.

Lots of flakes.

Thanks for that insight, Sharpie.

And you know what?

We're going to get into Friday, the very last day of the week, as if you needed a dopey DJ to tell you, right after we check in with a very important, brand new to the not great, but best he could come up with last week podcast.

And let's do that now.

And then we'll get into

Friday.

Here we go.

Show your Valentine how much you love them by watching their every movement 24 seven.

The Chinese spy balloon bouquet from party city.

It's the gift that says you're always there for them because you're always there

I Got Mrs. Waters like three of those so I may get a couple more just to make it a fiver So if you haven't gotten your significant other a Valentine's gift yet, uh

Oh, that'll do you well.

OK, let's get into the last day of the week, Friday.

And we were talking about, of course, the big game, which is Sunday.

And maybe you're listening to this after the big game.

I don't know.

But I'm talking about this before the big game.

So that's, I guess, the main point.

But we're talking about the song we would love to play as we

enter into

the Super Bowl Party.

You're not properly prepared for the tone.

How about you go first?

So

make sure you, uh, if you haven't been, if it's been off and on or whatever, 730 Monday through Friday.

Okay.

Uh, you know what, you know, we got now, we got throwback Thursday, one of my favorite days of the week.

And I thought for throwback Thursday, other than, you know, the seventies at seven and the eighties at eight and all of the music and the pop culture, I thought it'd be fun to talk about, uh, catch phrases from the seventies and the eighties.

And you came up with some awesome

ones.

Not too bad just watching the snow cover the parking lot, you know

Yeah, I

thought we'd go back to July sometime in the 70s Kojak does

And

so do I although I don't have any lollipops at home I have the bald head and I just have popsicles So that's that's my kojak thing is the popsicle.

Oh, man, that is mine, too

This is in the category of what was old is now new again.

Yeah,

I've noticed that with my young friends I'll be explaining something like yeah, right on

and I've noticed that it's not like it used to be right on now It's like right on right on went from great to okay, right on

I remember in the 70s John Denver had a variety show and that was his catchphrase right on

was it far out far That

was

it.

That's

far out and funky man

You are totally taking me on a time trip now.

Right on.

Right on.

Well, I'll leave you with the catchphrase of the day.

Enjoy the snow.

Well, beware of these big, fluffy flakes that are coming down out of the sky.

Yeah, it's almost like a Waters family reunion.

More flakes though.

Yeah.

Right on.

Lots of flakes.

Thanks for that insight, Sharpie.

And you know what?

We're going to get into Friday, the very last day of the week, as if you needed a dopey DJ to tell you, right after we check in with a very important, brand new to the not great, but best he could come up with last week podcast.

And let's do that now.

And then we'll get into Friday.

Here we go.

Show your Valentine how much you love them by watching their every movement 24 seven.

The Chinese spy balloon bouquet from Party City.

It's the gift that says you're always there for them because you're always there.

I got Mrs. Waters like three of those, so I may get a couple more, just to make it a fiver.

So if you haven't gotten your significant other, a Valentine's gift yet, that'll do you well.

Okay, let's get into the last day of the week, Friday, and we were talking about, of course, the big game, which is Sunday, and maybe you're listening to this after the big game, I don't know, but I'm talking about this before the big game, so that's, I guess, the main point.

But we're talking about the song,

we would love to play as we enter into the Super Bowl Party, our Super Bowl Party entrance tune.

How about you?

You go first.

Oh, Mike, you're looking for that song that we play when we walk into the Super Party this weekend, right?

Yes.

Super

Bowl Party.

Yes.

I'm a Bears fan.

You're a Vikings fan.

I think we play White Snake.

Here we go again.

I love that one.

Going down that only road.

And

earlier today I was talking about a little something from my past

I let you in on the fact that I played football at one point and got pretty good.

I was actually a backup quarterback for a little while, and as my career really started to get going, well, there was the incident.

The backup quarterback's having panic attacks.

Someone found him in the girl's bathroom asking for his binky.

After that, it was just a dope with a trombone in the marching band.

If you ask me, marching band and football go hand in hand.

They absolutely do.

In fact, you know, the marching band used to be the focal point of Super Bowl halftime.

Yeah.

remember as a kid going into the local high school by dad walking up to the game and that's what you heard like 150 yards the way you heard the band playing before the game and during the warm-ups and it just got you still getting chills thinking about that

so

it goes hand in hand.

No marching band honestly was one of my highlights of high school we had such a blast and I was just making a little self-deprecating humor.

You've been to band camp.

I have and I did not play flute I played trombone.

Oh,

I think I know what you're gonna say and please don't oh my god, you're dirty Yes, I'm sure you have but we'll leave it right there Another week down and another episode of the not great but best I could come up with last week

podcast.

Have a great weekend.

Go whoever team you want in the big game.

I personally, I don't care.

I really don't want Philly to win.

That's

I guess where I'm at, so I guess I'm rooting for Casey, so.

But anyway, have a great weekend, and I'll catch you back here Monday morning, 5 30 to 10.

We'll get into the five things and the bright side and what else?

Hidden Run headlines and all of that stuff.

So we'll catch you back here Monday morning.

Weekday mornings, 5 30 to

10.