Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Mon Feb 6, 2023
you
Good February February to you.
How do you pronounce it February or February?
I think it's supposed to be pronounced February, but a lot of people call it February.
So Who cares?
I'm not gonna judge.
So good February February to you.
I don't want anybody to feel left out My name is Mike Watters and this is the not great, but best I had from last week podcast I hate calling it a best of you know, although the best of it is phone calls from you.
So
get into that.
And we wrapped up January.
Is it January or January?
Hmm.
But anyway, we wrapped up Jan Rewary and kicked off February with one of my favorite weeks so far.
It really was.
It was a blast.
And I know I usually say I have a blast during the week, but especially this week, we kicked it off with the announcement of overnight towns this year for the Register's Annual Great Bicycle Ride Across Iowa, or better known,
As Raghbri, that's going on July 22nd through the 29th and I'm so pumped that it's going to be rolling through Coralville and Tayma and the town of my birth Davenport didn't come anywhere near us last year.
So I'm very grateful it is this year.
I spent Monday morning kicking off the week here looking for ways to participate in the Raghbri ride without having to bike the entire route because I've got some health issues now going on and I have to be careful.
So, uh, before we get into that, I like to kick off the podcast the same way I kick off the water's wake-up call.
We get up to use a little good news.
Look at the bright side, okay?
Let's look on the bright side with Mike Waters on 1057 KOKZ.
And of course, as always, sponsored by Long Collision Center.
So one of my favorite stories from the week, and it comes near my old stomping grounds in North Dakota.
It's actually Bismarck.
I did radio in Fargo for a while.
But imagine being a kid.
at a high school basketball game.
And you get a chance to shoot four hoops.
If you make all four of these in 25 seconds, you win $10,000.
No pressure, right?
So this kid, again, had 25 seconds to make a layup, a free throw, a three pointer, and a half court shot.
He made the first one.
You know, he made the layup.
And he's a pretty good basketball player anyway.
Let me say that.
Then he makes the free throw.
All right.
Then the three pointer.
OK, but can he
Can he make the half court shot?
He doesn't have much time left.
The clock is running out.
He does the half court shot and here is the reaction.
I think we can all tell whether or not he made it by the reaction of the audience.
I was thinking, I'm probably not going to make it, but I just got to try and hope it goes in.
First three, I thought, you know, he has some basketball talent.
But the last shot, really, I think was maybe more a gift from God than it was some natural talent.
Way to go.
JJ Franks, that was him and his mom talking there.
But he's got $10,000.
I would have spent it on, I don't know, bubble gum and cap guns.
That's what I...
Spell it on.
He's going to be spending it on college.
There you go.
The Bright Side, sponsored by Walham Collision Center on Highway 151 in Fairfax.
Walham Collision Center, where quality is their priority.
Nothing like a good Bright Side to kick things off.
And that will bring us to Rag Brie.
And you know, I just realized that if you put Rag Brie and Bright Side together, you'd have Rag Brite Side.
And anyway, we will talk Bright Side, I promise, right after
this.
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You know, I wonder if they do the same kind of thing for keys, socks, and Tupperware lids.
Anyway, on with Monday.
Let's talk alternate ways for me to participate in Rag
Brie.
That's
a great idea, man.
I'm gonna have to check those
out.
get really bad when you're not riding all the time.
Yeah.
So my wife and I says, we're getting older.
Maybe we need help getting up the hill.
I think
so.
And you hit that electric button and he would take us up the hill.
Yeah, that's pretty amazing.
Those electric bikes, like you say, will help you get up the hill.
But again, remember you're aging.
You're getting up the hill.
Just don't go over the hill.
Just age as you quicker.
It might, because then I would do that.
That's right.
Well, I think you two should get electric bikes.
I'll get an electric bike and we all ride rag brie.
Yeah, that would be good.
What you need to do is hook up with one of the clubs.
and be a driver.
That's a good idea.
I mean, it's a carnival on wheels.
So how do you hook in with a club?
To get a driver with celebrity status, think about it.
It's bragging rights over the other clubs.
Hey, we have Mike Waters, the famous DJ from 105, driver support vehicle.
And then the person they're telling that will say who?
We'll see if I get any takers.
The only way you find out is if you seek out.
I haven't seen a whole lot of Iowa yet.
And this would
really bring me around and see so much more of it than I've already seen.
You get to meet people from all over.
Sounds like the ultimate Iowa experience.
It's never been a fail.
Those are awesome, you know, just to roll some way with the riders.
So thanks to you, I will figure something out.
So on to Tuesday and your Mount Everest song.
Before we do that, we're gonna crash into some hit and run headlines, but first, this may be of some interest to you.
Check it out.
Simple.
and striking,
pure and eternal, refined and luxurious.
It makes a statement like nothing else.
Celebrate your special love and show it to all the world with the gift of eggs.
Whatever the occasion, dazzle her with eggs.
The case of the hitter on that's exciting.
Hasbro is laying off 15% of its employees.
Most workers took the news okay, but it left Mr. Potato Head in pieces.
Poor guy.
So George Santos was spotted partying in DC at a karaoke bar, and yes, when it was his turn to take the stage, he sang Little Lies.
He's a Fleetwood Mac fan, apparently.
So Chicken of the Sea is offering a million dollars to someone who can prove they've met a live mermaid.
Pugh George Santos.
So Oscar Mayer is hiring drivers for the Wiener Mobile.
Applicants must have a valid driver's license, clean driving record, and zero dignity.
Hey, that's me!
The iPhone 15 will reportedly have a titanium frame.
which means it will make an extra cool metallic sound when you drop it in the toilet.
So the U.S.
economy added 223,000 jobs in December, and that's, by the way, according to a classified document that was just found in President Biden's bathroom.
A group of scientists has concluded that cats only have three personalities, and they all hate you.
The Royal Rumble was held over the weekend, but enough about Prince Harry and his family.
Did you watch the WWE pay-per-view on Saturday night?
So someone has been putting razor blades on gas pump handles in Forest City, North Carolina, razor blades on gas pump handles.
I mean, luckily no one in the area can afford to buy gas, but still.
And Jimmy Kimmel celebrated the 20th anniversary of Jimmy Kimmel Live last week.
That's right, 20 years, thousands of shows, and six laughs.
Okay, so before we get to Tuesday I want to make sure no one gets the Monday topic of rag bry confused with Tuesday's Mount Everest song So do not I repeat do not ride your bike up Mount Everest.
Are we clear?
Why Jim and I dream
because I was on my bicycle and fell off
It was really fast.
So you rode your bike up Mount Everest?
No, but I probably wouldn't make it up Mount Everest.
On a bike?
No.
I don't know if that's ever been done.
I guess it depends on what kind of a bike.
First of all, it'd have to be a mountain bike.
Yeah.
And I only have a cruise bike.
Oh, a cruise bike.
And my key broke off on my lock last
week.
Oh.
I didn't have a lock on it.
And I'd say you should not ride your bike up Mount Everest.
If you can't lock it up, I wouldn't ride it up a mountain.
But it's got 21 speeds.
My hands have our brightest in them.
Oh.
Which is a bad thing.
Yes.
Then I would really
not
ride your bike up the mountain.
And I didn't want to go.
Van Halen?
last
time we did this about a year and a half ago and you called you said Van Halen but you did not say dreams I didn't know what else would you have said well let's go back in time and find out with a flashback
okay
was it a remake of the the Carpenter's tune I'm on top of the world looking
See, I'm afraid of heights and I'm a wimp, so I will never ever climb Mount Everest.
Climb every mountain?
Nope.
Well, you know what?
We should get together and go molehill climbing at some point.
I could handle that a little bit better, I
believe.
Okay, we'll make a mountain out of it.
Oh, no, we'll make a molehill out of a mountain.
There we go.
There we go.
This is Jake from Waterloo.
Jake from Waterloo or State Farm.
What are you wearing?
Jake from State Farm?
Uh, khakis.
She sounds
hideous.
Well, it's a guy.
So, uh, Jake, what is your top of Mount Everest song?
Beared in the Sky by Norman Greenbaugh.
That's a great one.
Well, you're welcome.
I should say thank you then, because you already, you're welcomed me.
What are the chances of you ever climbing a mountain?
Uh, deer egg.
And just a quick note, here are some songs you never want to hear on top of any mountain.
Free falling, another one bites the dust, and anything by Sunny Bono.
Think about it.
Okay, Tunes Day leads to Wandom Wednesday.
And remember how warm we felt on Wandom Wednesday?
Yeah, we'll relive the tropical fresh air, the sunshine and the warmth, right after a word from our, uh, uh, advocate, supporter, uh, sustainer, another adherent, uh, sponsor, yes, that's the word, sponsor, from our sponsor, and this very special announcement.
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Maybe there's a fry cook in the room.
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So let's get straight into Wandom Wednesday, shall we?
It was hula in the hula day.
Our bodies were in the deep freeze of Eastern Iowa, but our minds were in Hawaii, doing the hula and enjoying the warmth and the sunshine.
Right.
Think about Hawaii.
I think about the theme of the original Magnum PI.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Tom.
I
think Hawaii 5-0 is the more classic of the themes, but yeah, but you're right Magnum such a big show I
always kept hoping that in Magnum PI they'd have somebody from Hawaii 5-0 show up
a Jack Lord just pops in
Yeah, just pops in in a cameo.
That would have been so cool.
Oh, that would have been booking Magnum Hey, do you think all cops in Hawaii say book them Dano if they arrest somebody?
I'll bet they do all that every single one of them does
At least the rookies.
Yeah.
I shoplifted
so I could hear the line.
Please say the line for
me.
Yeah.
Hey,
it's the Hawaiian.
Of course, it's hula in the hula day, Hawaiian.
And I knew you would be calling.
I knew you would be.
So it's, have you heard being that you lived in Hawaii for a long time?
Have you ever heard of hula in the hula day?
No, I have not.
Oh, well, it's a day to just toss all of your winter cold into the winter winds and think about Hawaii, put your mind, you know, just go there in your mind.
And it's also about really exploring the hula dance.
That I can get along with.
Yeah, the hula?
The hula.
Everybody can do the hula.
Everybody.
They teach, it's in the curriculum in school elementary school.
Yeah.
So
what is so being that I'm assuming now you know the hula What is the dance?
I mean everybody thinks of you know the girls in grass skirts and just you know wiggling their hips.
What else is there?
I guess
Okay
explains it to you, because they do all the different types.
The awana, which is the one, the old-fashioned one.
So that's the hula skirt and things like that.
Yeah.
And then there's the modern.
Well, that's interesting.
So what was that?
The Mary Monarch?
The Mary Monarch Festival.
OK.
And it's M-E-R-R-I-E Monarch.
OK.
I'm going to look for that.
I'm going to look for that.
And I'm going to learn the hula, Hawaiian.
OK.
Yeah, yeah.
It's all in the hips and how you bend your knees.
Okay,
alright.
Well, I'll keep those tips in mind.
And does hula mean something in Hawaiian?
I don't remember.
All I know is it's just, um, like, expressions of joy.
Whatever.
I think the only thing I'd be communicating to people is run for your lives!
True expressions of terror, I'm telling ya.
Alright, sorry I blew up.
Moving right along.
Throwback Thursday is just a stone's throw away, and we covered one of my favorite topics.
First though, I want to get you the five things from this past week you didn't know you needed to hear.
We'll do it right after this.
Today's show is brought to you by the Research Center for Biting Your Tongue.
Please give, so we can better understand the connection between the tongue and the brain.
and stop the pain.
So now I like to take the five things from the five days of things you didn't know you needed to hear and give you the best of the five days five things and make you hear them.
Did I say that right?
I'm not sure but
here we go.
Okay so thing number one I talked about this on Monday morning Texas woman
Fed up, and you can't blame her, especially after you hear the story.
Fed up with dozens of men coming to her door every year looking for prostitutes that don't live there.
So this is Elaine White talking about this bizarre, annoying situation.
How can a man go to a house in a neighborhood thinking they're gonna get sex?
As many hookers and prostitutes are out there, go get one.
Leave me alone with some sex website that
Nasty old men go and look for sex.
They pay Venmo for the services.
and then they get my address and they come here.
Yes, I have my Smith and Wesson 357 Magnum loaded four inch barrel next to me and I answer the door with it.
Right on.
She's loaded for bear and men looking for sex and authorities believe her address is being given out to people by some sex trafficking ring online.
I don't blame her for being upset about that.
All right.
Thing number two comes from Tuesday and this actually happened last Saturday in Hawaii.
There was a woman, she was heading into her living room when a massive boulder crashed through a wall and missed her just by a few inches.
Can you imagine?
So it was all caught on security cam and this is the boulder crashing into the room and followed by her describing it in an interview.
So listen to this boulders crash.
I heard the loud boom.
and apparently the boulder passed right in front of me.
I didn't see it.
All I heard was the boom, and then somebody asking me if I was okay.
man.
Just the sound of that, I imagine Indiana Jones.
Just the sound of that, I imagine it as big as the boulder that Indiana Jones is running away from, from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
Good lord, I'm glad she was okay.
And check this out, I can't even believe this happened.
A JV girls basketball coach in Virginia is being accused of impersonating a 13 year old to play on the team.
Wow, this coach, 22 years old, her name is Arlisha Boykins.
and she's said to have taken the place of a student athlete that was out of town for a tournament.
So here's the father of the player that the coach was impersonating, speaking out against the
school.
from, you know, the overseer of the program and nothing.
You know, he just came out and just told us this stipulations of what was going to happen, but there was no apology.
Teaching our kids a great lesson.
If all else fails, put in a ringer.
Yeah, you lousy.
All right, thing number four.
This comes from Michigan.
Imagine your appearance and you have a six-year-old child.
And what's the harm?
I'll let him play with my phone a little bit.
Keep him out of trouble.
Yeah, not out of trouble.
Six-year-old kid, this is in Michigan, and the kid ordered $1,000 worth of food from Grubhub when he was playing with his dad's phone.
So this is Keith Stonehouse talking about their son Mason
accidentally ordering this ungodly amount of food.
Piles and bags of food, and they're dropping them off at the door, so I'm not communicating with the drivers.
And I said, what is going on?
Why are you bringing me food?
He said, I don't know.
You ordered from the short amount place.
I said, no.
Oh, I think I left the app open.
and he saw that when he was playing with my phone and just started going to town.
He ordered multiple orders, chili cheese fries, the chicken pita wraps, he ordered multiple orders of that, multiple orders of ice cream, pizza.
I think daddy learned a lesson and I hope he didn't get mad at the kid because it's totally his fault.
I hope he invited the neighbors over for a big ol' party.
All right, and that brings us to thing number five and what's that?
Really?
Just for the last thing?
Alright, well apparently thing number five has a, uh, has a sponsor?
For one thing?
Okay, here we go.
Brought to you by Punxsutawney Phil.
I don't mean to bag in the guy after he just extended winter, but I heard he has money on the chief speeding the Eagles.
Just sayin'.
Punxsutawney Phil, six more weeks of winter, you lousy grown hug.
Okay, now we can talk about thing five.
This is just insane.
This woman is being accused of going to a Nebraska Burger King multiple times.
And stealing toilet paper.
Okay, you know, maybe some people do that.
You don't think that's totally out of the realm of possibility.
But on top of the toilet paper, she was stealing pipes from the bathroom, the plumbing, the pipes.
The pipes, the pipes are calling.
Oh, Burger King.
Okay, never mind.
Sorry, let's continue.
An employee said she was hiding these pipes in her pants.
And this is a representative from the Lincoln Police Department, breaking down what they know so far.
The Burger King near 60th and Havlock had some issues with a female coming into the store and taking toilet paper from the bathrooms.
They had confronted her and told her to stop stealing the toilet paper.
After she left, they noticed she had actually taken pipes from the toilet that connected the toilet to the wall.
Are people getting crazier or is it just me getting more sane and realizing that
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's all so insane.
I don't know even how to explain it, but I think that's five things.
What the hell were those things?
All right, then and straight on to throwback Thursday you remember that era in which we grew up for a lot of us It was the 70s and the 80s the best of all decades in which to grow up the freedom No smartphones.
I mean can you imagine pics of some of the things we did back then?
I mean some would call it photographic evidence on our permanent records.
Ah a much simpler
time
is Saturday morning cartoons.
Yeah, yeah.
Probably terrible cartoons, but I loved them then, but
it was great.
Yeah, you actually woke up on Saturday morning because you watched your shows before your sisters and brothers woke
up.
Saturday morning cartoons were huge.
I remember before the season started, they'd have a preview on Friday night, all of the new cartoons coming the next morning.
Yep, I would watch that all the time
too.
Yeah, and it was like you'd get excited.
It was almost like Christmas, you know, instead of opening presents, you'd see the new cartoons and it'd be very exciting.
And then you get your bowl of cereal and you hunt for the toy inside.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
You pour the whole box out just to find the toy and then you wouldn't need any of the cereal.
Exactly.
Ah, those were the days weren't they?
I
think what made it so great was what we didn't have cell phones, social media.
Yes.
That really made our childhood great.
Yeah.
Well, what we had as far as technology, usually we got at the Radio Shack and that was it.
It was simple stuff.
Simple.
Yeah, and it didn't take you away from from interacting with other people.
That's the big thing.
You could actually interact with other people.
I've seen kids in the same room and their friends.
They're not talking to each other.
They're texting back and forth.
It's like, come on, have a conversation.
Yeah, what we didn't have.
That's that's a great one.
Yeah.
Thanks.
In
reference to your last comment that you were talking about.
Yeah,
everything was simple and kids nowadays, you know, they're in the same room Texan in that idiotic like he was get up and talk to the person I know actually communicate communicate look at him.
Yeah, their facial expression is like yeah, the guy said hey cuz so long give him a hug, you know or something like that.
No back back of course, right, right?
Yeah, we had the yeah, yeah, we went out we played kick the can we made our own amusement
Exactly.
You were
creative.
You could use your brain a little bit.
You don't do that anymore.
Yeah.
And I saw just yesterday or the day before a picture on Facebook had a bunch of bicycles all laying over this front yard.
Hey, the parents knew where their kids were.
Yeah.
All in the house there.
Yeah.
Nowadays.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you know what?
If you wanted to go off and ride your bike for hours and hours, like say start off at 10 a.m.
and come back at six o'clock for dinner, you could do that.
Yep.
Yep.
Yep.
We all
hated that first parent that we would hear call their kids like oh come on!
You know ruin the fun and then it's like I guess we should break it up and go home and
eat.
Today's program is brought to you by Throwback Thursday.
Sorry you're so old that you have to use a scanner to post your Throwback Thursday pictures.
Alright, now stay back to when you were a kid and you wanted to be a cowboy or a cowgirl, didn't you?
Wyatt Earp or Calamity Jane?
Well, we wrapped up the week on Friday talking about a new study that looked at which TV shows inspired the most baby names last year and the top three names are all from Yellowstone.
You had Dutton, Rip,
and case, and I thought it might be fun to pick our own cowboy cowgirl names.
You know, I wanted to pick something related to John Wayne, so I picked, oh, hold on, Colin's coming in.
Hello?
Sky blue water.
Ashley, it's not sky blue water today.
You have to call me by my cowboy name.
Rooster Cogwell.
No, it goes along with Rooster Cogburn, but I'm not as cool as John Wayne, so I'm Chicken Rugburn.
Chicken Rug...
but
yeah
all the years i watched the cowboy shows gunsmo
Yes.
So stupid
fart noises, but in context, sitting around the fire, eating beans,
and...
Yeah, and I'm sure Mel Brooks was thinking exactly what you were thinking.
They're always eating beans.
Why aren't you hearing the farting and people complaining about the smell
and...
Why do you bring up some of the craziest stuff in your mind to go back to their memories that just make you laugh
like crazy?
Well, then I heard from Genuine Cowgirl Carrie from Dysart.
And here comes my cowboy voice again.
But you know, since she is Genuine and all, I had a couple of questions for her.
First of all, where the hell is Tarnation?
Where is that?
It is down below Texas.
It is.
Tarnation
is.
We're just gonna leave it there.
Radio, we'll just leave that there and move on to question number two.
Have you heard about the super cows?
The super cows?
Well, they say the Chinese have cloned these super cows as far as what they do to make them super...
I don't know, but apparently they give twice as much milk.
But how do you think the Chinese cowboys make that happen?
I gotta say there's gotta be lots of weird chemicals in there.
We'd almost bet money on that.
Maybe carnation, you know?
The instant milk just becomes something there in their belly.
And you know
what?
You know where
the... What?
You said you know what?
And I said
chicken butt.
That's my favorite cowgirl joke, is what daddy is.
But do you know where that stuff comes from?
The carnation?
No.
Tarnation.
Oh,
yeah, my bad.
Tarnation instant milk is going on with them Chinese cows.
Hi, Mike.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
I just wanted to tell you, I drive truck and I come up through the quarter once a while.
This week's been one of the weeks I come up through here and driving is...
hours of boredom interspersed with moments of terror.
I suppose, yeah.
But I just want to tell you, I appreciate what you do.
It makes my day when I can write up through here and listen to your show.
And just wanted to tell you, I appreciate what you do.
Thank you for that.
Where are you from?
Drive from Clinton.
Okay.
Thanks for what you do.
Well, I appreciate it.
It takes everybody doing it.
That's right.
What
was your name?
I just want Jim.
Jim.
It's funny.
My topic today is cowboy cowgirl names.
And when you say Jim, I can only think of Gene Wilder from Blazing
I'm Jim, some people call me.
Jim.
You're the truckin'
cowboy.
Thanks.
it.
All right.
Well, to wrap up the not great, but the best I had from last week, I would like to leave you with some cowboy words of wisdom.
I think I've got Carrie still here on the phone.
You mind checking these out for me, Carrie?
Oh, please do.
The only good reason to ride a bull is to meet a nurse.
No, hold on.
That's for my brother.
Hang on now.
Let's see here.
Don't.
Don't dig for water under an outhouse.
That is very good advice.
And if you get
thrown
from a horse, you have to get up and get back on unless you landed on a cactus.
Then you have to roll around and scream in pain a little bit.
And you know the quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your back pocket.
Oh, I like that
one.
And when in
doubt, let your horse do the thinking.
No.
I could lead to trouble.
All right, I'll leave you with that then.
Yeah.
And boom, that's going to do it for another week of the Not Great, but best I had from last week podcast.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for participating.
I couldn't do this show without you.
Have a great weekend.
I'll catch you Monday morning.
Mornings, 530 to
