Who used all the Wi-Fi?
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station apartments.
Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer.
Internet included.
A great central downtown location.
One to five bedroom apartments.
And no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station apartments.
Now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
I bought a nice hidden run.
Case of the hidden run.
That's exciting.
Yes, it is.
It slightly is.
So Google laid off 12,000 employees.
The difference is pretty noticeable.
The last time I searched for something, the result was, find it yourself.
It was like asking my mother-in-law, finding yourself.
A high school cafeteria worker in Louisiana was arrested for selling pot brownies to the kids.
So school officials say the brownies had a negative effect on academic performance, but the jazz band never sounded better, man.
Seriously, seriously.
So today is National Just Do It Day, and thanks to that extra motivation, I'm finally gonna do it.
I'm gonna stop celebrating meaningless holidays.
All right, we all know that wouldn't happen.
The Canadian government is now recommending that people limit themselves to two drinks per week.
Sign me up, replied people who hate fun.
Yeah, add this, by the way, to the long list of reasons to completely avoid Canada.
Completely avoid.
So high prices are driving an increase in attempts to smuggle eggs across the border
From Mexico, smuggled eggs.
Did you ever think you'd see the days smuggled eggs across the border from Mexico?
However, it's still hard to get the eggs over easy.
Huh?
Huh?
Huh?
All right.
All right.
You, you stop it.
Despite the recent announcement of criminal charges, the movie Rust will continue filming, and Alec Baldwin will still play the lead, but all the guns will be played by bananas.
You know, you can now buy an In Case I Go Missing binder, where you can store personal information and items in case something happens to you.
I don't need one of those.
I mean, for God's sake, my wife has a t-shirt that says, if anything happens to him, I did it.
So just keep that in mind.
Oh my god.
The number of car repossessions in the US is on the rise.
The only people who are safe for being behind on their car payments are people who bought a Mitsubishi Mirage.
Hell, even Mitsubishi doesn't want those lemons back.
Are you kidding me?
So Kim Kardashian gave a lecture at Harvard Business School Well not to be outdone Warren Buffett flashed his booty on Instagram so Avatar the way of water has now grossed two billion dollars worldwide not bad for a movie about Smurfs
Anyway, Andy Reid became the third head coach in NFL history to win 20 post-game seasons.
No, let me say that again.
Andy Reid.
I should just stop with this, but now I have to, right?
I have to.
Andy Reid became the third head coach in NFL history to win 20 post-season games.
The third head coach, but the first manatee, I believe.
Yeah, that was totally worth it, wasn't it?
And not.
That's all I
got.
All the Wi-Fi!
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments.
Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer.
Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
Hey waters here from the waters wake-up call this morning toons day.
I asked you What is the one song a total stranger could be playing that would make you instantly want to go up and make friends with
them?
What it's my birthday a toons day birthday?
How old are you if I may ask?
22 years old?
Number one.
Yeah, it's cool that you're a young and enlistening to the good stuff But do you realize your to-to on toons?
I did not realize that.
It's getting all kind of weird in here, isn't it?
Well, maybe we can get you some new friends for your birthday.
What is that one song?
Have you heard a stranger cranking it?
And you know you'd be fast friends.
What would that song be?
Anything by Judas Priest, honestly.
So
anything by Priest, but what is your favorite Judas Priest song?
Probably Living After Midnight.
That used to be my theme song.
Now it's Living Sometimes Afternoon.
Hi.
Yeah.
Oh, that's
a great one.
That's a great one.
Is that is that the song that somebody would be playing that would make you want to go over and become their best friend?
Yeah.
I think so, you know, everybody's in a bar together or anywhere together and they start playing that.
Yeah.
And of course, you sing the extra words in there.
Yeah.
That is a total connection.
I was also reading that in bigger groups, if you're singing together, it has an even bigger impact.
And I remember seeing Neil Diamond live and he did that song and this whole, I don't know how many 10, 20,000 people singing that song together.
And yeah, it brings you all together.
And it's really cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right on.
Hey, Mr. Mike.
Hello, D-Man.
You sound a little bit raspy today.
Well, yeah.
I was singing last night.
Yeah, yeah.
I kind of heard that you were mentioning songs that would make me want to be your friend.
Yeah.
What song would you hear a total stranger be listening to or playing that would make you want to go up and immediately be their friend?
Every Rose has its
thorn.
Oh, of course, Dustin Thorn.
That just makes sense.
Or Dustin the Wind, right?
I'd go with Thorn first.
What if you were listening and you decided to just listen along for a little bit?
What if they played Every Rose has its thorn into Dustin the Wind?
Why don't you play him
together?
Well, I'm saying that's
what they would
be doing.
Wouldn't that just make you want to go hug them?
Yeah, that might want to do that.
Yeah.
See, that's why I don't want to play him together, Dustin.
Okay,
all
right.
Well,
I'm kidding you,
honeybun.
I'm kidding you.
I know you are, darling.
Well, those songs with your name in it probably have a little something to connect you.
A little sentimental value, yes.
I don't have much value, but I do have some sentimental value.
Hey, I'd give you a nickel.
Oh, cool.
Then I'll have a nickel.
Yep, you're five cents now.
That's better than giving me your two cents worth.
Well, good.
If you got another cent, then you'd have a sixth cent, and then you could see dead people.
Well, if I do, I could see Eddie Van Halen at least.
I think he'd have to be willing, though, to be seen by ya.
Well, then I
guess me more than
a nickel.
All right, well, I'll see what I can scrape together.
Please do, and just send it my way.
All right, because right now, I mean, my accounts are pretty much dust in the wind.
You rock on, brother.
Rock on, crewtun.
Aiming by pure priority.
You know?
I haven't heard that one in a long time.
Yeah, see,
it connects everybody, doesn't it?
Well, good morning, Perry
from Dicert.
I'm good.
How are you?
I
don't
know what's going on.
I don't know if it's the cold or flu season or just the fact that it's really
dry.
come back
to
use that moisture.
If somebody could bring the moisture back, that would totally make me want to be friends with them.
And you know what?
My last name is Waters, so I think I would be that guy.
I think that is an amazing observation you had there, sir.
Waters and moist.
What else goes together like that?
Nothing.
I don't know, but I don't like that word moist.
Moisture?
There we go.
I was just trying to save time and shorten the word.
But hey, fine.
If you want to waste your time, Carrie, that's fine.
Uh, what, uh, would be that one song?
You would hear a total stranger playing, and you'd immediately want to go out with them, and you'd go,
hey, you want to be friends?
Well, it gotta be Seven Bridges Road.
I'll bet you would go up and sing along with them, and you'd even be better friends.
I totally would.
They might not want to be my friend, but that's too bad.
No, see, that's the thing.
That's the thing.
Music connects
us.
They like Seven Bridges Road.
You like Seven Bridges Road.
You love each other, and it's all just brotherhood and flowers, man.
It's like going back to...
in the 70s.
Totally.
Or even 60s.
That's a real trip, man.
Well, I don't know,
because I'm not that old.
Sorry.
No, I'm not.
I'm not either.
I was very, very young.
I wasn't even thought of in the 60s.
No.
So let's just leave it at that.
OK,
we'll leave it at that.
We'll leave it at the fact
that I'm older than you, Carrie.
That's what we'll leave it at.
OK, I'm sorry about that.
But OK.
No, I don't care.
You know what the alternative to getting older is, don't you?
Getting better.
No, dying!
The
alternative
to getting older is dying.
It's
not feeling better.
The alternative to sick is feeling better.
But the alternative to getting older, the only alternative, if you're not getting older, you're dead.
See, we were friends there with Seven Bridges Road and then I totally blew it with the whole death thing, didn't I?
Yeah, I'm trying to be positive, man.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
Well, you know what?
We're going to listen to Seven Bridges Road and totally, totally be positive about everything.
Awesome.
I'm going to be so happy.
You know, I'll be singing at the top of my
lungs.
All right.
Well, good morning, Mr. Water.
Trucker
Ron, how are you?
Quite well in yourself.
Yeah, I'd say quite well, quite well indeed.
Yeah, so what is that one song for you?
You know, it could be a few.
But what is that one
song?
What's that?
Don't lock me into one.
I did not.
I said a few.
I said a few.
I didn't say one.
But what is that one?
We can go with the obvious, you know, green-eyed lady.
Right?
You shouldn't
date yourself, you might go blind, or at least need glasses.
Yeah, I think that's dating yourself, I think that's what that is.
But
anyway...
Tequila makes my clothes fall off.
Tequila makes my clothes fall off?
You got it.
Is it a true story?
It is a true story, many times over.
Oh, no.
I dress in layers.
So when you hear it, you just know that this person, what would you instantly do?
Go to the bar and get a couple of tequila shots or what?
Or a couple of bottles.
Or
a couple of bottles.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, you sound like a real fun friend.
Yeah, you know it.
Sounds like a friend that would make their own fun.
We
do.
Just add tequila, right?
Throw it up.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila.
Four.
Yeah.
And then get up and drink some
more.
Add a girl.
Jeez.
Weekday mornings, 5.30 to
10.
