Water's here from the water's wake-up call.
This morning I asked if you could pick a New Year's resolution back when you were growing up that would have made things so much easier today.
What would it have been?
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
How are you?
How are you having a good day?
Good.
Yeah,
I am.
Can
you
think of a New Year's resolution you could have picked that would have made your life a whole lot better
today?
resolution.
That's why my resolution is never to make another resolution.
So you would have gone back and said, well, maybe I will make a resolution
and maybe my life will be better.
Well,
well, knowing what you know now, what would it have been?
Not to spend a lot of money.
Save your money.
Yeah, I mean, I still, I still smoke cigarettes.
Did
you smoke in the
70s growing up?
Did you start
at an early age, like five?
I did.
Ten, actually.
My brother was an open-spreader with a smoker, and so five siblings, and so all but two of them sold cigarettes for my oldest brother, because he worked at a gas station.
I did not inhale until I was 12, so it doesn't count.
Good, because yeah, 12 is a much better age
to start
smoking.
But I quit.
I quit 37 years ago.
Oh, good.
You know, when you have all the siblings, you tend to think that your parents probably wouldn't have let you done.
I guess.
See, I had a younger brother, and I was the oldest, so.
But you had to be the cool one.
Oh, you still
am.
Well, good.
That's one of my resolutions I should have been doing as a kid.
What?
Calling DJs.
Do you think that would make your life a little better today?
Oh, heck yeah.
As a DJ, let me ask you, how would that have changed your life personally, D-Man?
You know, many times I would have heard ELL play.
I would request it to be played every day.
You know, maybe you wouldn't be requesting it now because you'd be tired of it.
No, because every day, I gotta say, don't bring me down.
Every day.
Every day.
because you're
assuming somebody is gonna bring you down so if you if you play the song maybe that's something that will lift you up every single time that's right of course I agree with you so were you kind of a down kid when you were growing up and maybe that that would have changed everything for you
definitely I was way too serious yeah way too serious yeah I thought I thought talking to a DJ just getting through the phone line was a major accomplishment
Well, this is some
men from up in the North country this morning calling you.
Well, how is the North country going?
I know down here a little bit south of where you are.
We got the snow.
We got the cold.
We got the stuff.
I'll bet it's even worse up north.
Hey, it's Waterston the Water's wake up call.
And I told you lately that talking to you is my favorite part of the show.
And it's got snow on it, you know.
I have this one thought for you today.
Okey-doke.
And my thought for you today is this.
You mean to tell me our ancestors left North
Norway to come here to this stuff?
I
mean, you know, I just can't believe
it.
I know.
You'd think there was Norway.
They would have done something like that.
But there they did.
And I think us Norwegians have gotten so much smarter, true to decades and the centuries.
And they just, they didn't know.
They didn't have a map.
They didn't have GPS.
They didn't know where they were
landing.
They didn't know nothing.
And they came up here, you know, and then they got hold of this.
And I'll tell you, from some
guy who lived in North Dakota for a long time, once you get that cold, Iowa seems
Very, very temperate.
It's a whole lot better, let me tell you.
I have to call you from up here, and just to rattle your cage a little bit.
Well, and it's no coincidence you're calling from Hardee's, because we Norwegians were a Hardy breed.
Oh, yeah, sure, you bet you were Hardy.
You know, I'm a first generation American.
My father came from Norway with his brothers and two brothers and my grandparents, so I'm
A real Norwegian.
Wow.
Well, you have a mutt talking to a purebred, so I feel a little bit less now.
Thank you for that.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
I better let you go, but you have other more important people in Norwegians from Northeast Iowa.
Not if you're a purebred.
I'll tell you what, I'll argue
with you right there.
You got it.
You got it.
Okay.
Hey, what's happening this morning?
Hey, if I'm a Dave, well, I'm just hanging out
Back in the 70s my friend, what you doing?
Oh, I just remembered a song I haven't heard on the radio for a long time.
Yeah, what's the name of this song, Pray Tell?
Put lime in the coconut.
And drink it all up.
There you go.
You know the song.
Yeah, I do.
You know what the name of that song is?
Just what we said, ain't it?
No, it's just one word.
It's just coconut.
That's it.
Oh, I didn't realize that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Some people
think it's put the lime in the coconut.
Some people think it's the coconut song, but it's just coconut.
Okay.
I didn't realize that.
See,
I learned something every day listening to Mike at K-O-K-Z.
That's right.
That's right.
I give you an education on things you never need to know.
Well, but it might be useful sometime.
Yeah,
maybe.
Maybe.
weekday mornings, 530 to
10.
You know, there are some things I need to get you updated on.
I've got a nice hit and run.
How about it?
Hit and run.
That's exciting.
All righty.
So scientists apparently identified 351 new species in 2022, which means the animal kingdom added almost as many new faces as Nick Cannon's family.
Nick Cannon's family, I say.
Health experts warn that Hershey's chocolate may contain metal.
They say the same about your divorced uncle's workout playlist.
So Victoria's Secret, Victoria's Secret brand CEO Amy Halk has resigned less than a year into the job.
Ironically, she was given a pink slip.
Or you could say it like this.
Ironically, she was given a pink slip.
Either way, it works, I think.
Metal detectors have been removed from the entrance to the Capitol.
Unfortunately, for George Santos, they've been replaced by lie detectors.
Rick Singer, the mastermind of the college admissions bribery scheme that ensnared celebrities, has now been sentenced to three and a half years in prison.
However, he can get the sentence reduced if he's able to get the judge's dumb kid into Stanford.
So January, this month, right here, that we're living in, is Family Fit Lifestyle Month.
Unless you live in Alabama, in which case it's family polish off a giant bag of Cheetos, then waddle to your local McDonald's and devour your weight in McRibs Day.
Salt Lake City was voted one of the top U.S.
cities for keeping your New Year's resolutions, especially if one of your resolutions is to be born to death.
Twitter is being sued for $136,260 in back rents.
Or as Elon Musk calls it, a single child support payment.
Kelly Osborne gave birth to a baby boy.
He has his mother's eyes and his grandfather's coherence.
Oh, no.
Poor kid.
So Alec Baldwin's daughter is pregnant.
Alec wants his grandchild to call him Pop Pop.
Which is also the noise his gun made on that movie set that one time.
All right, that's all I got.
There you go.
Hey, it's Waters from the Waters wake-up call.
You want to know how random we get on random Wednesday?
Well, this week we talked about everything from diphthongs to football.
Hey, guess what?
What?
I have the answer to your question.
Heaveron.
What does Heaveron mean, Lassie?
To
talk.
To talk foolish.
to babble?
Really?
Haver?
Huh?
Yes.
And it's a what word?
It's
a... Scottish.
If it's not Scottish, it's crap!
And when I haver, here I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's haverin' to you, Kerry from Dicert.
I thought it was Mustang Kerry from Dicert.
Mustang Kerry from Dicert.
That's right.
And
your sad mic.
Sad, sad mic?
Why sad mic?
Sab.
S-A-B-S-A-A-B.
Isn't it sob?
Is it sob or sad?
I don't know.
I think it's sob.
But you know what?
Let's call it sab.
Why not?
It's random.
It's random.
That's right.
It could be sa-ab.
Because there are two A's.
Or maybe one of the A's is A and the other A is A. So Saab, kind of like a diphthong.
If you know what a diphthong is, Carrie from Dicert.
No, I do not.
Oh, you don't know what a diphthong is, huh?
It's one of the best words in the world.
It's a very random sounding word, diphthong.
Yes.
It sounds like the very, very small swimsuit I use when I go swimming.
My diphthong.
No.
Say if you have...
I'm
sorry.
Hello?
Carrie, are you
okay?
That just struck me funny.
I'm sorry.
Well, now you want a diphthong, don't you?
Oh, yes, please.
I may market that.
I may market the diphthong special for swimming.
I'll give you a second.
I'll give you a second.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Okay, so a diphthong, let's say the word hey, has a diphthong in it.
It's a sound that makes two vowel sounds next together, like a, you have the a and the e, hey.
So you have two.
Okay.
You have two vowel sounds.
Right next together.
Yeah, right next together.
or buy.
Buy is another one.
Aye.
I
got
you.
Okay.
It's either two vowel sounds next together or a very small swimsuit to go go swimming.
And maybe even Haver a little bit if you know what I mean.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
A little
Babylon
going on there.
Babylon Brooke.
Yeah.
Maybe you want to have a dip in a Babylon Brooke.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was my first wife's name.
She just yapped, yapped.
Her name is Brooke, by the way.
Okay.
All right.
Well, I bid you a fine day and a dip thumb to you, Carrie, from Dizer.
Oh, well, thank you so much.
All right.
Use that.
Use that a bunch.
I made my
morning again.
What's that?
Did you make my morning again?
Well, that's good.
That's good.
Well, I think that we're going to make that our random word of the day.
So everybody has to use dip song and make it whatever you want to mean.
OK.
Yeah.
Mr. Waters, Viking fan extraordinaire.
How was vacation?
You know, it was good other than the drive back to Iowa listening to that last Vikings game on the radio.
And here I guaranteed you it was their year.
Yeah, yeah,
that old joke.
Why can't the Vikings eat cereal?
Because every time they get near a bowl, they choke.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cousins was overly generous.
I think he thought, you know, New Year's Day was Christmas Day because he kept making a gift of the football to the Packers.
Yeah, here you go, guys.
Maybe that's the problem.
I don't know.
And all the Vikings fans were hoping that the Packers were re-gifters, but I guess not.
But at Lambo, they always seem to be... A fish out of water.
A fish out of water.
That's what we were at Lambo Field.
Of course, I was lamenting how Green Bay needed to go in search of an offensive line, and they finally found it.
Well, I'd have an offensive line for you, Mr. Packer fan, if I wasn't on the radio.
And it didn't help.
They kept losing offensive linemen.
Yeah, nothing was going right.
That's part of the Viking curse,
I guess.
I don't know.
What did the record producer say after he played Black Velvet for the hundredth time?
What did the record producer say when he played Black Velvet for the hundredth time?
Uh, what?
Man, there's a lot of miles on that song.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
of course a lot of miles the singer of the song that you know what that even I think that is cheap which I guess makes that pretty good so well I liked it it is funny I'm sorry I'm sorry I meant to say hey that was really funny but it came out oh you
didn't have to stretch you didn't have to stretch that far
didn't oh I didn't
no you didn't have to stretch that far I've heard that a grimace is good as a giggle so
I don't think that's true at all they're not even I
think when it comes to dad jokes
Whatever reaction you get is good.
You're really trying to be cheesy at that point.
Exactly.
Kind of get both.
You know, you get, ah-ha.
Oh, geez.
And then you get, you grimace after you, you know, maybe chuckle a little bit because they're always a little funny.
But then you really, your brain starts working on it and realizes that that is the dumbest thing it's probably ever heard or at least that day dumbest thing.
There you go.
Yeah.
Brain always gets in the way of funny.
Yeah.
Well, you know, if I, if I can every day set some sort of a record for my
So dumbest joke of the day, that's good.
Yeah.
That's the random dumb joke of the day.
There you go.
Hey, have you heard my my random word of the day?
No, I haven't.
Diphthong.
Diphthong,
yeah.
Diphthong.
Do you know what a diphthong is?
You know, I know it's a part of the English language.
Yeah.
It has something to do with, no, I'm coming up blank.
Okay.
Well, it's a very, very, very small pair of trunks when you go swimming.
Okay.
That's also the random definition of the day.
Okay.
We're all taking the random word of the day and we're coming up with our own definition.
It's actually when you have two vowel sounds right next to each other, like bye.
where you have A and the E right next to each other.
So that's a diphthong.
That's
right.
Yeah.
That's right.
I like the swimsuit.
I like
your definition.
I like
your definition better.
I do too.
Although it gave me the same reaction.
I initially laughed and then went,
oh.
OK.
Well, you know what?
I consider that a compliment.
So I think you've made your point.
Hey, what's up, everybody?
How's it going this morning?
Good, how you doing, man?
Uh, just driving to work.
Yeah, how the roads where you are?
It's not bad, actually.
Where are you driving?
Um, I'm driving over to Ionia.
I'm national.
I'll have to drive over there so I can have some non-slick roads.
There you go.
I'll have to get on my slick roads to get over there, because that'd be nice to have some less slick roads, I guess.
But... Right.
Anyway, enough of my mindless banter.
How are you?
What can I do for you?
Well, I just turned...
I'm hoping that we can beat
you next week.
Well, I don't really see a problem with that.
Oh, you know the Bears fans and the Vikings fans.
We've got we've got a lot in common, although I call I call my Vikings the cubs of football.
Yeah, there you go.
We can't win a Super Bowl.
So I'm hoping, like the Cubbies, we hit it at least once.
Exactly.
Yeah, but
next year we watch out for somebody.
Yeah, that's our line.
That's our line.
Well, next year is the
year.
Ready?
Weekday mornings, 5.30 to
10.
