The Waters Wake Up Call: Not Great, But the Best I had from Last Week.

Who used all the Wi-Fi?

Ah, apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

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Union Station Apartments.

Now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.

Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?

We'll

see you next week.

Thanks for

watching.

You can really get people to help you.

You know, the faster we get this cleaned up, the quicker we'll be able to go and open the presents.

I like your idea, but I get excited, too.

That's why I don't have anybody help me, because I want to go, too.

Oh, OK.

So what you do is you eat breakfast, and then you go open the presents, and then you clean up.

Yep.

You open the presents, and then you think, oh, well, now I have to clean up.

That stinks.

Let's say Carrie gets a nice present of Legos.

Then you can just go play with your Legos.

And you don't have to wait for

anything.

Monday morning, we were also talking about the new smart toilet.

These scientists who have unveiled a high-tech toilet that detects disease by monitoring your doo-doo.

And I got to tell you, they gave it a really crappy name.

Sorry I had to.

But they're calling it the diarrhea detector.

Can't we come up with a better name, like Ithrone or the Log Whisperer maybe?

Hey, how about IBM?

I think that's what we go with.

I would just call it a street.

And

I read they're thinking about having Alexa be the voice and I'm thinking there's no way I want some strange girl or guy for that matter inside the toilet when I'm going critiquing.

There's already a lot of critiquing going on outside the door from Mrs. Waters.

I don't need Alexa in the

toilet.

I guess my technique and what's what's dropping could be the same thing.

Yeah, you know where to go for toilet humor.

And we're gonna move on to Tuesday in a couple of minutes, but we gotta get into hit and run headlines, and we'll do that right after we check in with our, I hope they're paying.

Are they paying?

Or is that court thing?

Okay, good.

We'll get into hit and run headlines right after this.

Brought to you by the Research Center for Biting Your Tongue.

Please give.

So we can better understand the connection between the tongue and the brain.

And stop the pain.

You know, it's like Mama Waters always said, if you can't say something nice, mumble a little nonsense under your breath and release some gas.

All right, that's not exactly a direct quote.

It's something like that, though.

But with that, let's get into hit and run headlines, shall we?

Yes, let's get into it.

Hit and run headlines.

NASA's Orion mission is officially over.

It began with a very spectacular launch, soared to great heights, and

ended with a crash.

Kind of like crypto, for instance.

So Arizona.

Arizona is building a border wall out of shipping crates.

I gotta say, this is the most creative use of large metal boxes since Ford sold them as minivans.

So Diddy.

You know Diddy?

Diddy's like a producer and a performer.

I think he used to be known as, well, it was a puff daddy, then P. Diddy, and now Diddy.

All right, so there's the backstory on this dopey Diddy.

But Diddy announced the birth of his sixth child.

And now comes the tough part, choosing a baby name not already taken by Nick Cannon.

Right?

And you know, he named himself Diddy.

You know, his parents didn't.

So maybe if he likes the ditty, maybe he can pick another one like duty for his kid.

You know, ditty and duty and now instead of just ditty, maybe he can be ditty daddy.

Alright.

Yeah, Elton John quit Twitter because of misinformation.

I was just talking about misinformation on the social media.

But, you know, it's kind of ironic that he quit Twitter because of this misinformation.

Kind of ironic for someone who keeps saying that this is his last tour, you know, keeps... I'm just saying, Elton, I know Elton's listening online at 1057KOKZ.com.

We're tight.

We went to kindergarten together.

So Will Smith's Emancipation

Hit Apple TV Plus over the weekend, and I don't want to over-hype it, but this movie really packs a punch.

All right, more of a slap, but... So I don't know if you caught SNL on Saturday, one of the rare occurrences that SNL was pretty good.

Steve Martin, Martin Short were hosting just this last Saturday, and due to their ages, a last-minute decision was made to move SNL to CBS.

So there's a watchdog group and it has named Kanye West anti-Semite of the year.

Yeah, hold my beer replied Kyrie Irving So Taylor Swift Taylor Swift is gonna write and direct her first movie She's currently casting vile disgusting misogynistic psychopaths to play all of her ex-boyfriends You know she is

So between 2000 and 2020, reports to poison centers for child and teen marijuana use increased by 245%.

Also increasing by 245% is the amount of time kids and teens spent watching Cheech and Chong movies.

And of course, most pot smokers end up feeling poisoned after eating too much Taco Bell.

Yeah, yeah, all right, and that's all I got.

Not surprisingly, I feel hit and abandoned.

And I would never abandon you.

In fact, we'll be right back after we check in with our Toonsday sponsors.

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Hey, and just a quick note here, I got my brother-in-law, those ugly Christmas sweater crocs last year.

He has not stopped wearing them, not even in the bathtub.

Although I don't think he bathes with water and soap.

Hey, and speaking of ugly, you know, this last Tuesday, we were talking about those worst Christmas songs, the ones that you just wanna break the record or punch your speakers, you know?

We had to get those out of our system.

So, let's hear what your least favorite Christmas songs

are.

Deck the halls.

You don't like Deck the halls?

It's gonna be jolly and cr-

And

bows of holly.

What is a bow of holly?

A

tree branch full of holly is a bow.

Yeah, I don't know.

That's another thing.

I think I'm going to talk about this one day, too, that some of the references you'll hear in Christmas songs, it has to be like a 17 or 1800s reference.

What the hell is that?

Probably.

We're all singing it, but we have no idea what it means.

All

right.

Well, don't deck the halls.

Maybe deck the Christmas carolers if they come by and sing that song.

OK.

OK.

Deal.

All right.

Thanks, Mike.

Have a great day.

Yeah, that's

one of your least favorite things

huh?

Well, he is blasted, I'm sure, on eggnog and all kinds of liquor.

He

kind of talks like this.

You know, I can't really do Dean Martin, but he always... I think I sounded more like Foster Brooks, if you know who that is, but it's Dean Martin and Foster Brooks.

They should have done a duet.

Hey, how about this?

This would be the worst song of all time.

Are you ready?

Dean Martin and Foster Brooks singing a duet of Baby It's Cold

Outside.

Oh, instead of Dean Martin trying to get Foster Brooks to stay, he tried to make him leave.

Baby, it's cold outside.

No, it's not that cold.

I can probably leave without my jacket.

We'll see you later.

It's really getting a big fight.

A big drunk fight.

Yeah, nice sweet Christmas.

Baby, it's violin inside.

Anyway, it's really bad.

I love Toon's Days.

You know, even talking about really, really bad Christmas songs, I still love Toon's Day.

And what comes after Toon's Day?

Wandom Wednesday.

So we're going to get all kinds of random after we have a little bit of a bright side.

And the bright side is on the way right after this.

Oh, that's probably another holiday package.

I used to hurry to the doors so they wouldn't be stolen by porch pirates, but not anymore.

Because now I have the new porch paralyzer, developed by a high-tech secret lab at Wontonimo Bay.

The porch paralyzer runs off your household current and attaches easily to a bank of stealth motion-sensing cameras.

So when someone steps onto your porch to swipe that Amazon box, instead of making off with the booty,

That pirate's booty is zapped with 20,000 volts Leaving your deliveries untouched.

Sometimes I leave a dummy box on the porch just for fun Get the new porch paralyzer today.

Just remember to disable it when your mother-in-law comes over for Christmas Or

Not.

In these days of chaos and insanity, we could

all use a little good news.

Let's look on the bright side with Mike Waters.

On 1057 K-O-K-Z.

Yes, sponsored by Walton Collision Center.

And I'll tell you what, if you're not in the Christmas spirit yet, this should do it for you.

This is, this happened in Boston.

And a community came together and put up holiday decorations at this home of a five-year-old who has just multiple health problems.

Nev del Corazon, born with a heart defect and

had her first surgery when she was one week old.

So not long after that, she was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis and also received a pacemaker and a G tube for supplemental feeding.

She's five years old.

So at five, you know, she's been through a whole lot of stuff.

So when her family moved to a new home in suburban Boston and Nev noticed their neighbor's houses were decorated and theirs wasn't, her mom Desiree Montano wanted to

something about it and like a lot of families money is really tight these days so mama turned to social media asking for used lights and decorations to decorate their home so a neighbor of theirs Corey Stevens saw this post and immediately set off to make sure Nev got what she wanted and the neighbor says Steven says I just I just thought you stuff wasn't going to be enough and she said we need to do more for this little girl and make it

really special.

So she went to the local Home Depot and manager Eric Sol donated lights and decorations for the project.

And let me just say Home Depot is really good at that kind of thing.

But volunteers put up an over the top holiday light display, which is perfect.

That's what this girl needs.

Something, you know, just extra, extra bright and flashy and Christmassy.

So put these up at the little girl.

and her family was just blown away by the support from their neighbors.

Mama says I am really thankful that these people care about people that are not in their family.

It's beyond that.

It's a community.

So I mean, if that isn't heartwarming, I just I don't know what is so Neves mother Desiree says she is so thankful for this community.

I'm really thankful that you know these people care about people that aren't in their family.

It's it's beyond that.

It's a community.

Yeah, yeah, and it really is.

And really, a bright side is all about community.

If the community can come together and just help somebody's dark side be a little bit better, boy, that is the ultimate example of a great bright side.

And there you go.

There is your Monday morning, Mary Bright Side, sponsored by Walton Collision Center on Highway 151 in Fairfax.

Walton Collision Center, where quality is their priority.

It all just warms the cockles, right?

And if your cockles aren't at least lukewarm during the holidays, there's a problem.

Hey, let's check in with another sponsor.

Every time we go to a sponsor, I get paid more money.

So we're going to do that, and then we're going to get all kinds of random.

Tonight on the Hallmark Channel, Christmas in a pet psychiatrist office.

He's a former big city jiggalo turned pet psychiatrist who relates better to animals than to people.

Good boy, let out those feelings.

She's a gorgeous yet lonely romance novelist whose great tabby suffers from low self-esteem.

Will the universe bring these tortured souls together for Christmas or is true love too much to hope for?

Come on Sherlock, like you've never seen a Hallmark movie before.

Christmas in a pet psychiatrist office.

Tonight on the Hallmark Channel.

And on into the randomness.

And one of the random things I just kind of brought up, just hit me in the head and I thought I'd talk about was I had read while in the internet hole, you know, that hole you get into when you're, you start off somewhere on the internet and then all this clicking and whatever and you end up in this place.

It's like, how'd I get here?

Well, I found out that young people, that's right, the youth.

And I think it's probably Generation Z. I don't know if it's the millennials, but young people are just finding out that nutcrackers can crack nuts.

Like they didn't know this before?

So, I mean, the name of the product couldn't be clearer, right?

It's a nutcracker and it cracks nuts.

Obviously.

Come on.

So a bunch of people have been posting on social media after realizing nutcrackers can actually crack nuts.

And it seems like most of these people are young, and they've only experienced pre-shelled nuts.

And I guess that's really what you find these days, is just the pre-shelled stuff.

So they've never really had to remove the shells.

Or, I don't know, maybe they didn't realize nuts had shells.

Who knows?

Who knows with this younger generation?

Come on, son of a nutcracker, wouldn't you think?

All right, you know, we were also talking about what some of these, these weird words in Christmas lyrics, you know, making sense of those old timey Christmas lyrics.

For example, I'll give you an example.

Bells on Bob Tails, you know, I always thought Bob Tails was Bob tail and Bob tail was the name of a horse.

It's like bells on Bob tail ring as the horse is riding through the country.

I don't know, but it's apparently referring to the style of

a horse's tail.

Think man bun on a horse's tail.

It's cut very short or gathered up and tied in a knot.

That's what it means and I feel better, okay?

I just do.

I feel better.

This is a weird one I always thought.

Troll the ancient yuletide carol.

Now these days a troll is someone who's nasty on the internet.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, Troll

has been used since the 16th century and can mean to sing in a full rolling voice to chant Merrily or Jovial.

Think Elf and Buddy's famous line, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear.

So that's basically trolling the ancient Yuletide carol.

All right, how about you?

You got one of those ancient Christmas carol words.

Yule is a Norwegian word for Christmas.

Have a good Yule and the British got it.

You

know, the Vikings and all the North people.

I

don't think the Vikings are gonna have a very good Yule.

We won't get into that.

You've heard of the Yule Tide.

Oh, sure.

And I'm pretty sure this is the true definition.

And you've heard of the Norwegian Sea, I'm assuming.

Oh, yeah.

Sure.

At the high tide, you can almost see in the foam, in the waves, in the tide coming in from the Norwegian sea, you can see the face of Yule Brenner.

Well, I don't know about you.

You're supposed to be part Norwegian, but you act kind of weird some days.

Well, I'm a weird Norwegian.

Have you never met a weird Norwegian?

Oh, I know a few of them around here.

That's

me.

Have some fun today with all of that stuff.

I will, and I'll say hi to Yule Brenner for you.

Say hi and rub his head for me.

I can't remember the last time I mentioned the name Yule Brenner, but you know, let's randomly right now just just go boom into hit-and-run headlines.

How about a nice hit-and-run?

Case of the hit-and-run, that's exciting.

Hey, you know, uh, Tramp Stamps are back in.

Did you know that?

What goes around comes around.

Tramp Stamps are back in, but when were they ever out?

Asked every woman who went to that Motley Crue Def Leppard poison concert over the summer, I say.

Lava flows, you know those lava flows from Hawaii's Manaloa?

Ended.

Done.

Fans, fans of eruptions can still watch Buckingham Palace as Netflix drops more episodes of Harry and Meghan.

So a West Virginia woman says she broke four teeth after she bit into a McDonald's quarter pounder that contained a metal washer.

And she's clearly lying.

If she had four teeth to begin with, there's no way she's from West Virginia.

For the Mars rover, Perseverance recently recorded a dust devil on the surface of Mars.

And this is weird in addition to the sound of the wind in the background.

You can hear a car alarm.

So Adam Sandler receiving the Mark Twain Prize for American humor.

Adam Sandler.

I guess organizers said that this year they wanted the award to embody Twain's sense of irony.

Ozzy Osbourne wants to go on tour, but he still can't walk.

Well, he hasn't been able to sing since 1995, and that really hasn't stopped him, so.

And finally, Brittany Griner has resumed workouts.

Good to have her back.

And if she comes back better at basketball, the Detroit Pistons need to spend time in a Russian prison, I think.

And there you go.

Those are your hit and runs.

That's all I got.

Why people pay to watch grown men dribble, I will never know.

All right, coming up, I'm gonna get you into the water's way back machine, and we'll be traveling back in time.

You know, like we do every Thursday, and you know, last throwback Thursday, we were talking about, you know, I'm not gonna tell you.

I'm not gonna tell you yet.

I'm gonna wait a little bit, because...

First, I think we should just check in with our Throwback Thursday sponsor.

Number one, they give me money.

And number two, I don't know, they're selling something.

So here you go.

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New from privileged and entitled foods.

I don't know I think I'll stick with Debbie but you know we should get into that water's way back machine and go back in time.

Every Thursday we do throwback Thursday 70s at 780s at 8 and this last throwback Thursday we were talking about our favorite

Christmas TV specials from back in the day when we were growing up, as well as some other kind of holiday memories.

So what are you remembering right now from Holidays Gone By?

There ain't no way, no way that you could come from my eyes, though.

Dad!

That was from Smokey and the Bandit.

Oh, was that your favorite Christmas TV special back in the day there, holo notes?

Do you have a favorite TV special from back when you were growing up?

As a kid, when I was sad, I was inspired by Charlie Brown, you know?

Because every time I was sad, I'd hang my head down really low and I'd be moping around the house going... You know, like somebody had just made fun of my wimpy

tree.

That

is a

classic.

How

dare that kid?

I wonder

if he was supposed

to do that or if he got in big trouble.

He better have gotten into big trouble.

Alright,

well I'm gonna take a look at that new one and if I don't like it, I'm gonna call Hershey.

and say, hey, you put that old Hershey's Kiss Bell Christmas commercial back to the way it was.

All right, thank you.

And a quick note on that.

I did call Hershey's, and I said, and I didn't like the ad.

And I told him I didn't like the ad.

I said, I don't like the ad.

And it seems like nobody likes the ad.

So why don't you put the classic one back?

It's been great since 1989.

Nobody wants to see some dopey kid come up and stop the bells.

I mean, what do you guys think you're doing?

Put it back to the way it was.

Well, they hung up on me.

Well, they said, Hershey's kiss off first, and then they hung up on me.

But I cried all day yesterday.

But I'm OK now.

I'm OK now.

So continuing on, this past Friday, we were talking about TikTok.

Everybody's on the TikTok, doing the dances and the stupidness and all of the other stuff.

And they're talking about TikTok.

going away pretty soon banning it because it's got it's got like national security issues attached to it maybe possibly so banning that and I think if we ban TikTok we should ban everything that's that's annoying and you know so so I got some really good suggestions from you on on what to do with that but first we got to check in with another sponsor I'm just making money hand and foot here is that is that the expression handed I don't know I'll think

about it, you listen to this.

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Merry Christmas from Al's Tree Barn.

Well, you know, that last kitty kind of sounds like Jimmy Mittens.

Boy, he's quite the animal when it comes to Christmas trees.

And I don't just mean kitty animal.

He's like some kind of a werewolf when it comes to the, it gets scary.

Pretty true to life message, I say.

And I'm not just saying it because they're giving me a lot of money to play that ad.

All right, so just this last Friday, we wrapped up the week talking about TikTok and they're talking about banning TikTok because of national security issue.

So, okay, well, if there are national security issues, definitely ban TikTok, but I think we need to add some others to the ban list of things we can do without.

And I know you've got some great suggestions

too.

Yes.

They

should dedicate some awful country way off away from where we are.

Put them all together, get them all cars and phones.

And they can all just text and drive and not look both ways before heading out into traffic and then thinning of the herd.

Oh my gosh, that's why you are the professor.

You come up with these great ideas.

I just love them.

I know.

I keep writing my congressmen and congresswomen.

and all of these people, and they don't take me seriously.

I never hear back from them.

That's just wrong.

Well, if you run for Congress or President, you should just for the purpose that my ideas can be heard and the world would be a better place.

Keep it up, you're doing good.

Good morning.

Well, Agnes, how are you?

Merry Christmas season to ya.

Hi.

What's happening?

Been a while.

It has been.

Yes.

It's been quite a while,

actually.

They've

been busy.

Yes.

What?

Working

and living and... Working and...

those are two-thirds of the trifecta.

We can't mention what the trifecta third is because of, you know, FCC.

But anyway, moving right along, what would you ban if you could there, Agnes?

Well, I'd love to do away with, like, spam email, but I don't know that that's necessarily even a possible.

It's just everywhere.

It

really is.

I check my email and, like, maybe one email out of 75 is worth even looking at.

Now see, that's a sad percentage right there.

Come on.

I'd actually rather eat spam than get another spam.

That's how much I hate the spam.

Pretty nasty, actually.

I know, I know.

It really is.

Spam

is nasty.

You probably didn't there.

Have you been to the spam museum?

No.

I haven't and really the reason why I did this contest one time at a different radio station and we called it spam and it has had to do with special prizes and money spam and we were giving away spam a lot tickets with with all of this the the money python thing that was touring for a while and I thought it'd be fun to partner with them so I sent them an email and called them and they responded with a long letter telling us telling us what we

could not do with spam.

And I mean this, they really put a bad taste in my mouth.

Yeah.

Yeah, on many levels.

The only reason I would go to the Spam Museum is just to say, oh my gosh, I went to the Spam Museum.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That would be the only reason I would go.

So

I'll bet they saved a can from their first batch of spam.

And I'll bet you still open that thing up and I'll bet it still just like it was when it came off the line.

That's disturbing.

Yeah, that's well, that's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying.

That's I think that's probably what that would be.

OK, yeah.

I'm going to pass.

All right, so what's that?

Band spam of all kinds, foods, and emails.

I'm on board.

And there you have it, another week, and we've solved all of the world's issues.

We'll do it again next week.

Yes, I will catch you bright and early Monday morning, 5.30 AM, and we're just going to have ourselves a Christmas pre-party water's wake up call full.

week of all kinds of fun and Christmas holiday magic and holiday magic I may even get my Santa playing cards out and do some some true Christmas magic you have a great rest of your weekend or you know if it's not the weekend when you're listening have a great week thanks for checking it out and until next

time

apartment life.

Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.

Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.

Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station apartments, furnished, in-unit washer and dryer.

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Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?