oh
you didn't know you needed to hear this and you didn't know you needed something like this in the first place but I'll bet you do because somebody has created a limited edition cereal called get this big fruit loop which is a box with one giant 930 calorie fruit loop inside yeah just one big fruit loop
I think that's what you are if you buy it, but that's my personal opinion, but the boxes are gonna be sold online for $19.99 starting this Monday.
It's probably a little bit too big for a stocking stuffer, but I don't know, maybe it'll be easy to wrap.
How about this hamster?
I gotta tell you about this hamster because a neighbor's hamster chewed their way through a wall into a neighbor's apartment.
Yeah, you've heard of Paper Thin Walls.
Well, this brings a whole new meaning.
But this is a college kid in Illinois posted a TikTok video after her neighbor's hamster chewed through their shared wall and popped its head out of the hole.
What would you do?
I mean, Mrs. Waters would scream.
She can't stand those things.
But the college student, McKenna, let her neighbor know what happened, and Linda is back home.
It's not clear who's paying to fix this wall, but their landlord can't be thrilled about it.
I'll bet he's not.
All right, let's talk about this guy that's really making it tough for the rest of us.
So you've got this married couple.
They've been together for six years.
And this husband, and like I say, making all of us look bad, wrote love notes inside his wife's shoes for six years, and she finally noticed.
So he'd been writing six years of poems for his wife.
She'd never noticed.
Well, she finally noticed, and she posted a video showing a message he wrote on the inside tongue of her fearless sneakers.
And what it says is, and I'll play a little of the audio, but what it says is.
I feel a lot better when you are around.
Feel like, feel the shoes.
I feel a lot better when you are around.
I don't know if that constitutes a poem.
You have to ask my high school English teacher.
But here is how excited the wife was.
I was lacing up my shoes and realized that there was something written in the shoe.
So I see that there's writing.
It says, I feel a lot better when you're around.
So I call Rory and I'm like, I just found a love letter in my shoe.
Then he tells me, honor, we've been married for six years.
I have been riding in your shoes for six years and you just noticed.
But I'm like, there's no way Roy's been doing this.
And then I just like haven't noticed.
So then I went to investigate.
So these are my shoes.
If your feet get tired, I will carry you.
Is that not the cutest thing that you've ever seen in your life?
Oh, it's the cutest thing I've ever seen or heard in my life.
Yes.
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you to your husband of six years for again.
Making us all look bad.
All right moving on far away from that one How about you want some hacks for defrosting your car faster this winter?
Here's what you do Well, I know first of all you turn on KOKZ because that boom warms your car up very very quickly But first of all you park your car so it's facing east
It gives you the most sun exposure as early as possible, so the ice should melt a little or at least be easier to scrape off.
So towards the east, facing east, try the sun visor hack.
When you warm up your car and crank the defrost, pull both sun visors down.
It traps the warm air down near your windshield and should make the ice melt faster.
Let's talk about one police officer.
She's a rookie.
And, uh, she decided on duty to make love in her squad car.
She accidentally turned on her radio while she was making sweet love on duty.
I'll just play a little bit of this.
What are you saying?
And there's another sheriff saying, oh, you have an open mic?
You have an open mic?
Yeah so she didn't hear apparently and they were in the throws so I don't think that they were really I was really able to hear but man is she in hot water I'd be surprised if she was in canned again oh rookies what are you gonna do rookies big rookie mistake making love in your squad car what the heck are you thinking
Well, here's a new special for you, and everybody loves kitties, right?
Right?
Right?
Tired of
the same old holiday specials?
Tonight on ABC, it's the first ever Christmas special for cats.
Featuring the dock from a laser pointer.
Debt mice.
And lint.
Fresh from the dryer.
And if that's not enough to make Mr. Whiskers slash your new suede couch and joy.
We've also got celebrity guests like Cat Lynn Jenner, Tuna Faye, Bill Scurry, and a special performance by Meowie J. Blage.
Think you're excited?
Ask your cat.
ABC's Christmas Special for Cats.
Use hashtag, cat or day, night fever to interact with fellow shut-ins.
Meowie Christmas.
Yeah, we Christmas.
Oh, Jimmy Mittens is so excited.
I told him about it already this morning.
I had to call him when I heard so and you know, I think that's five things.
Thanks.
I needed that.
That's five things.
No one else knows.
It's
five things.
Thanks.
I needed that.
Thank you.
I needed to hear that.
All right, so we've got a new study is saying that vaping doesn't actually help people quit smoking But it does help other people identify who to avoid at parties
So the US will increase our military presence in Australia, or Australia.
There's my bad Australian accent.
But Australia will reciprocate by sending more hunky Hemsworth brothers to the US, which unfortunately pleases Mrs. Waters a little bit too much, Mrs. Waters.
So I'm right here.
98% of CEOs predict a recession next year.
the remaining 2% sell ramen.
So Target is gonna be combating theft by raising prices, which, I don't know, is like combating obesity by making donuts more delicious.
I mean, come on, it is more expensive.
Well, I can't afford that.
I'm gonna steal it, you know?
Target certainly misses the bullseye on that one.
Sorry, Target, but you do.
So there's a disease called the camel flu, and it has a 1 in 3 fatality rate.
The good news, it only strikes on hump day.
All right.
So the New York City Transit Authority is exploring pee detection technology to spot pee-soaked elevators in its subway system.
And I think I can save them the trouble, and I'm not even from New York.
They are all soaked in pee.
And don't we all have p-tech detection technology anyway?
I think they call it a nose.
So today is National Regifting Day, which I'm pretty sure was founded by my sheep brother-in-law.
Yeah, I hope you're listening.
Congress reached a deal to keep the government funded.
You know, it's one of the few things Republicans and Democrats can agree on these days.
You know, along with Never Share a Hot Tub with Steve Bannon.
I agree with that.
Britney Spears is taking up meditation.
Technically, she got drunk and passed out on a yoga mat, but, you know, potato, potato.
It's called the whole thing off.
So Jay Leno hasn't taken any pain medication since his face was burned.
Wow, that man has a jaw of steel.
I mean, literally.
The thing is huge, made of steel.
Oh, it's crazy.
So Adam Sandler has been awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, which totally makes sense because, you know, Mark Twain was famous for churning out terrible movies.
There's one guy that deserves that.
And Rob Schneider, by the way, has won the Ed McMahon Prize for writing someone's coattails.
Yeah.
Aaron Rodgers says he no longer fears death.
Yeah.
Aaron Rodgers.
Packer.
Aaron Rodgers' quarterback.
You know, he says, no longer fears death.
Death.
Unless you're talking about the Packer's playoff hopes, and then that's a different story.
So what's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?
The Christmas has no L's.
I thought I'd end with a couple of Christmas jokes, all right?
So here's another one.
What would you call Santa if he was completely broke?
St.
Nicholas.
All right, a couple more.
What are people who fear store Santas?
Clause, Traphobic, of course.
Alright one more one more what goes ho ho ho thump Santa Claus laughing his head off
