Transcript
The Waters Wake Up Call with Mike Waters · Sat Dec 3, 2022
So 54% of people feel pressure to tip when using those cashless checkouts, which is why I always recommend shoplifting.
I'm half kidding.
A man in San Francisco hijacked a bus.
Experts agree that if he does the same with a cruise ship, it will make a terrible steeple.
Have you seen Speed 2?
Good lord.
So scientists are considering plans to block the sun to reduce climate change.
But now comes the tough part, getting Chris Christie into space.
I don't know how that's going to happen.
Maybe Bezos could do something.
Or Ellen Musk.
Yeah, you know I'm talking to you, Ellen Musk.
So today isn't just toons day, it's also giving toons day.
And it's the perfect day to give money to charity.
And if charity isn't working, give it to one of the other strippers.
I don't do that kind of thing.
And pretty sure the only thing I'll be giving to for the next six months is Mastercard.
And you know giving Tuesday is kind of like taco Tuesday, but with way less gas Anyway, anyway gift to charity, please Some jet blue pilots are outraged after the airline hired a violent felon to fly planes That now that is a surprise based on personal experience.
I always thought jet blue hired violent felons to be baggage handlers
All right, I've got a multiple choice for you.
Today is the day you're supposed to get rid of any remaining A, leftovers, B, Halloween decorations, or C, house guests.
I'll give you a hint.
It's either A, B, or C.
105-year-old North Carolina woman danced at her birthday party, 105.
In related news, there will not be a 106th birthday party.
Oh, no.
So there's a study that shows people spend an average of eight months of their life on the toilet, eight months.
So congratulations to me for once again being way above average.
So Rolling Stone, they put this list out today, has a list of the 50 worst decisions in music history.
In at number one, it's a tie between Nickelback and Justin Bieber.
Should be anyway.
Blake Lively says Ryan Reynolds rushes home from work to be with his kids Nick Cannon on the other hand wants to do the same, but he can only be in so many places at once Jay Leno performed over the weekend for the first time since he was burned in a gasoline fire His first joke was what's the deal with getting burned in a gasoline fire?
I know, I sounded more like Seinfeld, but even for Seinfeld, that was a terrible impression.
So Kanye West says Ellen Musk, and that's what I'm calling him now, Ellen Musk.
Kanye West says Ellen Musk should allow Alex Jones back on Twitter.
Damn, that's a whole lot of crazy for one sentence, isn't it?
All right, Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson.
He turns 34 today.
You know, I'd like to buy him a gift, but Amazon doesn't sell accuracy.
All right, and finally Wakanda Forever has already grossed over $500 million.
Hopefully this convinces Hollywood to make more of those superhero movies, you know?
Yeah, it's dragon rich.
All right, anyway, there you go.
Those are the hidden run headlines.
I never saw him.
I was just basically hitting him.
Who used all the Wi-Fi?
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station Apartments, furnished in-unit washer and dryer.
Internet included a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station Apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
Hey!
waters here from the waters wake up call hope you're having a great weekend and I have to tell you every week it's more and more fun than the week before take this week I think we all had a blast you know whether we were playing the Urban Dictionary name game just this last Friday or talking about our our favorite catchphrases from back in the day we throw back Thursday or getting extremely crazy Wandom on Wandom Wednesday you throw the most Wandom things at me I'm telling you it almost
makes me dizzy.
And every week, one of my favorite days of the week, Tunes Day.
You know why?
Because we talk tunes.
And I believe last Tunes Day...
was TV themes.
So you'll hear the best of all of that, and of course, the best involves you.
I couldn't do this show without you.
But first, let's remember back to last Monday, when we were coming back after a long, four-day Thanksgiving weekend, and I think we all just felt like, if that's indeed a word, I think it is.
I'll have to look it up in the dictionary, but really, that's how we felt.
We felt, you know, we couldn't get it together.
We couldn't get our groove on.
We couldn't do anything.
right?
So what better way to kick off the first day after a long weekend than with a little good news?
So what better way to kick off the first day back after a long weekend than with a little good news?
Of course, I'm talking Bright Side, sponsored by Walton Collision Center.
Let's look on the Bright Side with Mike Waters on 1057 K-O-K-Z.
This baby born inside of an Atlanta McDonald's.
And I'm just going to let the people involved tell the story.
First, you'll hear from the mother, and then you'll hear from the manager, Tenizia Woods, who helped deliver the baby.
I went into the bathroom.
My water broke immediately.
and she was like, are you okay?
I said, no, I'm in labor.
I opened and she was on this toilet laid back screaming.
Then I knew to tell my crew we're having a baby today.
She had a nickname for she even left McDonald's.
That's her nickname, McDonald's Little Nuggets.
So that's the baby's nickname, but what they actually called the baby was Sausage Egg and Cheese McGriddle.
Oh, hold on a second.
I got a KOKZ line ringing.
I hope one of the employees had the decency to ask her if she wanted
you
know another great question would be would you like to supersize that oh no no is right now with the one having a baby
no
no
you don't want it any
bigger than it's gonna be that's
really
all
even even
we as guys know that we know better yes we do
Hey, you know what, before we get into Toon's Day, let's do some hit and run headlines.
Just some quick little news stories to kind of update you on what's going on.
So we're going to hear a word from our hit and run headline sponsor, and then boom, we're going to crash right into the hit and runs.
Coming up next.
Brought to you by Prostate Pals.
Your prostate health is so important to us.
Prostate pals, where pointing is always polite.
Shot into the hidden run headlines.
So 54% of people feel pressure to tip when using those cashless checkouts, which is why I always recommend shoplifting.
I'm half kidding.
A man in San Francisco hijacked a bus.
Experts agree that if he does the same with a cruise ship, it will make a terrible s**t steeple.
Have you seen speed 2?
Good lord.
So scientists are considering plans to block the sun to reduce climate change.
But now comes the tough part.
Getting Chris Christie into space.
I don't know how that's gonna happen.
Maybe Bezos could do something.
or Ellen Musk.
Yeah, you know, you know, you know I'm talking to you, Ellen Musk.
So today isn't just toons day.
It's also giving toons day.
And it's the perfect day to give money to charity.
And if charity isn't working, give it to one of the other strippers.
I don't do that kind of thing.
And I'm pretty sure the only thing I'll be giving to for the next six months is Mastercard.
And, you know, Giving Tuesday is kind of like Taco Tuesday, but with way less gas.
All right, anyway.
Anyway, gift to charity, please.
Some JetBlue pilots are outraged after the airline hired a violent felon to fly planes.
Now, that is a surprise.
Based on personal experience, I always thought JetBlue hired violent felons to be baggage handlers.
All right, I've got a multiple choice for you.
Today is the day you're supposed to get rid of any remaining A, leftovers, B, Halloween decorations, or C, house guests.
I'll give you a hint.
It's either A, B, or C.
105-year-old North Carolina woman danced at her birthday party, 105.
In related news, there will not be a 106th birthday party.
Oh, no.
So there's a study that shows people spend an average of eight months of their life on the toilet, eight months.
So congratulations to me for once again being way above average.
So Rolling Stone, they put this list out today, has a list of the 50 worst decisions in music history.
In at number one, it's a tie between Nickelback and Justin Bieber.
Should be anyway.
Blake Lively says Ryan Reynolds rushes home from work to be with his kids.
Nick Cannon, on the other hand, wants to do the same, but he can only be in so many places at once.
Jay Leno performed over the weekend for the first time since he was burned in a gasoline fire.
His first joke was, what's the deal with getting burned in a gasoline fire?
I
know, I
sounded more like Seinfeld, but even for Seinfeld that was a terrible impression.
So Kanye West says Ellen Musk, and that's what I'm calling him now, Ellen Musk.
Kanye West says Ellen Musk should allow Alex Jones back on Twitter.
Damn, that's a whole lot of crazy for one sentence, isn't it?
For, all right, Broncos quarterback Russell Wilson.
He turns 34 today.
You know, I'd like to buy him a gift, but Amazon doesn't sell accuracy.
Finally, Wakanda Forever has already grossed over $500 million.
Hopefully this convinces Hollywood to make more of those superhero movies, you know?
Yeah, this is strike it rich.
All right, anyway, there
you go.
Those are the hidden run
headlines.
All right, that leads us to toons day and toons day.
Oh, we all had a blast I had so many calls and so many texts that my head almost exploded But that's what happens on toons days, you know, you love talking to toons and especially this last toons day I think we all had fun talking TV themes So we'll get into your best calls from toons day right after we check in with our sponsor And of course they sponsor the letter n without the letter n toons day would still
Just be Tuesday.
Brought to you by the person in your family that doesn't load the dishwasher correctly.
And you know who it is.
The plates and bowls are crammed in no particular order.
And then pots and casserole dishes are stacked on top of them, so they're obviously not going to get cleaned.
put all the silverware in the first slot because they're too lazy to open the door all the way, slide the bottom rack out, bend over, and evenly distribute them.
And as for the glasses and mugs, it's a completely chaotic and cluttered catastrophe.
Don't even get me started.
In fact, today's show is now brought to you by the person who has to rearrange everything in the dishwasher because you clearly have no clue.
And with that, let's move along with Toon's Day.
And here are your favorite TV themes of all
time.
Good morning, Mr. Water.
Well, Vicky, how are you?
You always sound very upbeat in the morning.
I love that
Yeah,
yeah, you've got the energy now so might as well use it for good, right?
That's it.
That's it.
So what's your favorite theme Vicky?
That's painted black, right?
Yeah, it's hard to go wrong with the stones Well, you go and you paint this town black because it's already gray, so it's a good start
or at least white.
Yeah, don't.
Anyway, on that cheerful note, Vicki, you have a great day.
You do.
Thanks.
How about the theme song Star Trek?
Absolute classic.
Yeah.
And it's a very spacey theme for a very spacey show.
And I was just thinking if they could figure out how to do Star Trek and Gears and Violin.
A TV show mashup.
I guess your spaceship wrecked.
They could have been spaceship wrecked.
Yeah.
Gilligan's Island and Star Trek, like Shatner's Planet or something.
Oh, that sounds good.
That sounds really
good.
You know what?
I'm going to start writing that, and I'm going to send the screenplays or the teleplays off and see how that goes.
Oh, that would be
awesome.
Yeah, you write the theme song.
You wouldn't want me to
write the theme song.
OK, then never mind.
Yeah, when your kids at the age of three and four say, mommy, don't sing it hurts my ears.
Yeah, that totally excuses you, Ida.
Maybe we could do Gilligan's Island and substitute Shatner in there and Spock or Kirk, I should say Kirk's Island.
That's what it would be.
So Kirk and Spock and O'Hara and.
Scotty and McCoy.
McCoy, absolutely.
Instead of Gilligan and Skipper and Professor and Marianne and Ginger and the millionaire and his wife.
And have Spock be the singer of the theme song.
Yes.
That
is
awesome.
Man, those are great TV themes.
They don't write them like that anymore.
You know, what happened?
You know, I say that about a lot of things these days.
It's like...
What happened?
You know, I used to think when I was a kid, that's what old people say.
It's, well, in my day, well, that's what I'm saying now.
You know, they just said, these TV themes in my day, they were so much better.
All right, that's why we do this, you know, just to kind of shine a light on stuff that was better back then than it is today.
So, you know, I believe Tuesday leads in to Wandom Wednesday.
When we just get all crazy Wandom, you never know what's gonna happen.
And before we get into Wandom Wednesday, let's hear from this Wandom sponsor.
Brought to you by FedUpWithX, the new delivery service that ships back all his or her crap without them ever coming back to your home
apartment.
Have a nasty breakup.
Don't use FedEx.
Send it all back with FedUp with X.
Wow, that was random.
All right.
And here's, here's what we were talking about on Wandom Wednesday.
It's just all over the place.
Good morning.
Good morning Agnes.
How are you?
I just wrote that off the cuff.
Wow.
Yep.
I'm a very tail-ended young man.
Okay.
Okay,
okay, hot
shots.
So what's up there, agorino?
Wow.
Ago?
Lago my ago?
You know it's National Waffle Day.
So you're Ago today.
Almost Ago, but not quite.
What was that sound?
I
am
a dad.
But anyway, enough about my life.
Let's talk about you.
Do you have a silly, random word, Agnes?
Did you do the curly thing after that?
From my favorite comedian Robin Williams.
Okay.
Clawakka.
Say it again?
Clawakka.
Clawakka?
Yeah.
I've never heard of that.
What is that?
It's a combination rectum and an overdraft in reptiles and chickens.
Wow.
Clawakka means that?
That's kind of insane.
I can't imagine.
I'm I'm almost at a loss for words, you know funny words and otherwise over cloaca.
That's nuts
Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's
funny.
Oh, yeah, yeah,
and everything out of his mouth was always funny.
He just vomited funny is what he did
Yeah,
absolutely
absolutely I'm gonna have to look for Robin Williams saying that I'm gonna try and look for that
Yeah, yeah,
I'll check that out.
Thanks, man.
That's that's a great new word for all of us to
learn
How are you
today?
I'm good.
How are you Bremer County big man?
Good morning Mr. Watters.
Best of a morning celebrating Wandom Wednesday.
Good morning Mr. Watters.
How are you today?
I'm good.
How are you Bremer County big man?
Good.
Yesterday you called and said that you listened to me more than your wife and guess who I got a text from?
Who's that?
Your wife confirming that.
She actually
texted you?
She actually texted me.
Well,
maybe she listened to me once if I say she needs to stop texting you and get back to work.
Wow.
That poor woman.
That poor lady of yours.
Here's what she texted me, word for word.
This is big man of Bremer County's wife, and he does listen to you more than me, Mike Waters, just to let you know.
So that never came up during dinner or TV time or romantic time.
Well, you gotta remember, I've been married almost 20 years now for a kid.
Yeah.
Romantic time hasn't happened for years.
Cuz, like, like, like, like, like.
Well, Cousin Hollywoods, how are you?
I'm heading to New
Hampshire.
New Hampshire.
Is there an old Hampshire?
I
don't know, maybe there.
All the notes.
Hello?
Oh, here's the phone ringing again.
Hello?
Cousin, mic, mic, mic, mic, mic.
Cousin, all the
notes, where'd you go?
I bet we were talking about New Hampshire and the people who run all the phone lines, you know the phone cops in New Hampshire thought, oh, I bet they'll say something bad about New Hampshire and they disconnected
us.
Yeah.
So, what's up
there, Cousin Hollin' Oats?
You know, you're taking calls on special skills, and if I could do anything, I wanted to bend an airline pilot.
Really?
You went into the service, you ever think about going into the Air Force?
I
wasn't a very bright man, and I couldn't understand all the... since I couldn't fly the plane.
Hey, could you put, uh, Hollin' Oats back on there, Cousin Gump?
Well,
I'm glad to hear you've got some company in there in that truck today.
Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?
Yeah,
so why didn't you take any flying lessons?
Again, I just, you know, I just wasn't very smart enough to get into the Air Force.
I just, uh... Yeah, just, you know, it wasn't for me.
I wanted to fly planes, but...
Yeah.
You know, that's what I'd like to have done.
So I just decided to go in the Army and jump out of airplanes instead, so...
There you go.
There you go.
Well,
yeah, that would have
been... I'll bet, you know what?
I'll bet you're selling yourself short.
I'll bet you would have been...
Another Sully Sullenberger.
I would have been.
Yeah, you know mixed with the the the red baron, you know, but it'd be our red baron this time, not Germany's.
Right, that's right.
Yes, yes.
Kamikaze.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I always, you know, I always thought it'd be a good thing if somebody named Ozzy became a stand-up comedian and they can call themselves Kamikaze.
I'll call myself Ozzy and just bomb everywhere.
I'll be the Kamikaze.
Yep.
And people will expect me to bomb, so there's no expectations.
There you go.
You know, as a Norwegian, all you can say is Uft.
I mean, all that Wandom is just crazy.
So I just decided, you know, that was a lot of stuff right there with the Monday and the Tuesday and the Wandom Wednesday.
This will be the end of part one.
That's right.
This is a to be continued episode.
One of those.
episodes that just annoy the crap out of you.
You know, like I remember the first to pee continued that really ticked me off.
I was like eight years old happy days and it was when Fonz was gonna jump over those trash cans and you're getting ready and you don't know what's gonna happen and then he jumps the garbage cans and he's like in midair
and then freeze frame to be continued oh that's upsetting and i'm sure this is just the same right you're just dying to know oh what's part two gonna be well it's gonna be throwback thursday an urban dictionary name game so that's that's what's that's what's gonna happen so i don't know maybe it's up maybe as you're listening to this it could already be up so be looking for that and if not
I will have it up soon.
Alright, so, uh, thanks for, thanks for tuning in.
I, I appreciate it.
I really
do.
Who used all the Wi-Fi?
Ah, apartment life.
Bad Wi-Fi, mystery laundry piles, and a roommate who says, I'll Venmo you.
Maybe 2027 deserves an upgrade.
Coming August 2027, Four Lakes Properties introduces the brand new Union Station apartments.
Furnished, in-unit washer and dryer, internet included, a great central downtown location, one to five bedroom apartments, and no double occupancy fees.
That's less adulting and more actually enjoying where you live.
Union Station apartments, now leasing from Four Lakes Properties.
Wait, we have a washer and dryer in the apartment?
apartment?
