5 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED TO HEAR...

And with that, let's have a little foe of the news and do some hit and run headlines.

Wanna?

Let's.

Sold for 142 mil.

And yes, the dealer still tried to upsell all that undercoating protection, you know, like they always do.

The number of monkeypox cases is on the rise, and symptoms include a bumpy rash,

and a sudden urge to throw your feces while singing Daydream Believer.

So be watching out for those.

So Pete Davidson is leaving SNL.

Davidson plans to move on to being painfully unfunny in other TV projects.

Kim Kardashian showed off her rear end.

Oh, what's new?

In a thong at the beach.

Then she sat down and six kids lost the shells they'd buried.

Poor kids.

So Alabama coach Nick Saban and Texas A&M coach Jimbo Fisher they are feuding and that's today's winner for most redneck sentence And finally a horse named early voting won the preakness on Saturday Mail-in ballots is expect to finish the race in about a week or two.

So Those are your hit and run headlines for a Monday morning waters we could call

And now, the waters wake up call with this morning's five things you didn't know you needed to hear.

So getting your news from the town drunk.

All right, listen up.

All right, here's a question for you.

Who else is sick?

Well, now there's the hanger challenge.

And it's all over TikTok, I guess.

If you wedge your head inside a coat hanger, it makes your head involuntarily turn to the side.

Ooh, neat.

But it's not clear why it works.

But I guess it does.

A study in 2015 proved

that it is real.

You know, they tried it on like 120 people who decided, yeah, I'll put a hanger on my head, and it works on about 96% of them.

I think the next one should be the Darwin challenge.

Yeah, we'll see how that goes.

So Madonna, posting on Instagram, trying to do a live video, and Madonna and some of her associates were attempting to go live, then got a message saying that she is blocked from

sharing.

Wait,

this is the best part.

We want Instagram to continue to be an authentic and safe place for inspiration and expression.

and she later said quote I haven't done anything lately yeah probably since 1985 continues I haven't done anything crazy not this week anyway yeah so sorry Madonna an Amish buggy driver news story well this guy this buggy driver was charged with DUI after crashing into a cop car drunk driving in a horse and buggy

He was passed out.

He was going down the wrong side of the road.

Here's the cop talking about what went

on.

Yeah, and

he just keeps going and going, so that's how that goes.

Well, I'm sure by now you've heard about the Monkey Pox, you know, somebody in Maine.

One or two people on the East Coast, and, you know, it's not a serious case.

I guess, uh...

The real dangerous stuff is kind of rare, but I think we should check in with Dr. Fauci on all of this.

And what's your plan, Fauci?

I didn't really even spend any time trying to come up with a plan.

Instead, I came up with a song.

Here it goes.

And here it comes, spreading down the street, causing real bad infections to everyone it meets.

Hey, hey, it's monkeypox,

and you're

going to spread it around.

Because you're not gonna wear a mask when you walk around the town.

You like it?

No.

Anyway, good luck dummies.

Have fun with your monkey pox.

No questions.

Alright, thanks Nautra Fauci.

Finally here.

Have you heard what the new trend is?

We don't shop at the malls anymore, so they're turning them into hospitals.

And that is absolutely true.

I wonder what the marketing is going to be for these medical malls come a month or two from now.

Shopping malls are dying.

Health care is soaring.

So get ready for the medical mall, featuring all your favorite stores now restructured to take care of your health needs.

There's Gap.

in your teeth dental, famous foot surgeons, prescription barn, appendectomy and Fitch, bath and body parts, and don't forget to stop in the food court at Pandemic Express or get a facelift at Skinna Bun.

There's also vasectomy secret, JC Prostate, Creighton Steril, and blood sponge bath and beyond.

And on your way out, stop by the limited health insurance, the Medical Mall, opening soon where your old mall used to be.

There you go, the five things you didn't know you needed to hear for a Monday morning.

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